My way of looking at the difference between reason and excuse

[Meow I'm a Cat]

A reason is why you did/do something you did/do. An excuse is more like allowing that reason to make it okay that you did/do something you did/do. Although a lot of the time the excuse is pretty valid.

Example;
Reason- Anxiety made me feel uncomfortable reading in front of the class
Excuse- I can't read in front of the class because of my anxiety.

Of course, a lot of teachers don't think this is a valid excuse, and make you read anyways, then your mark lowers because your stuttering, even if you're actually a good reader, it's just the anxiety.

Sorry if this wasn't very well though out. I felt like posting something. I hope you get what I mean.

[xcriteria]

Thanks DL, this is an important topic. A lot of times, people say "don't make excuses!" and then they refuse to listen to valid reasons.

One thing to add to your example is the question of what you want, or don't want, to do.

So your "Excuse" can be re-stated as a "Reason" like this:

"I don't want to read in front of the class because of my anxiety."

The next step in that conversation is often, "we all have to do things we don't want to do."

The next question is then, "why?"

And people might respond in different ways... like "because I said so" or "those are the rules" or "everyone else is doing it" or "you'll get a zero" or "you'll learn and grow from this experience" or whatever other reasons.

At that point, you could choose to push through your resistance and "just do it," or try to debate the issue (or run for it.)

If you want to debate the issue, it might turn into a negotiation. You could ask, "why does the reason you gave matter to me?"

And so on.

So, this could all turn into a conversation (or debate) where each person outlines their reasons and decides what to do during each round. Unfortunately, in factory-style schools, you're supposed to just shut up and comply, not ask a series of questions. But that's a good way to learn.

(Authority figures would probably call that, "testing boundaries" or "testing limits.")

What do you think... is any of that helpful?

[brainiac3397]

Best tactic in such a scenario is to ask the person who calls your reason an excuse to define these words. Then shove a dictionary in their faces and tell them to learn English or get lost.

That is your reason. I wonder what's their excuse.

[vonunov]

When this expands out to explaining how circumstances beyond your control caused something to happen, sometimes they just don't want to hear it.

"Why are you late?"

"There was unexpected traffic, etc."

"I don't want to hear excuses. You should have left home earlier. All problems can be avoided through sheer discipline and willpower, etc.!"

Half the people asking "why" don't want to hear shit about why, they just want to hear, "Yes massa, all my fault massa, I apologize, won't happen again."

Quote:What do you think... is any of that helpful?

No. Stop arguing. Insubordination! Go to the principal's office. D<

[xcriteria]

Yeah, excuses for past actions (or non-actions) are worth contrasting from "I'm not going to do that" conversations.

You can always apologize... even say "my fault" or "I'm sorry I made that decision." or "I'm sorry about how that decision impacts you." And even really mean it...

For one-off things, that might work, but then over time people start to notice patterns.

Manager/teacher: "You're late every day."

You: "I got distracted on School Survival."

That actually reminds me of this Principal's Office clip:



Watch on YouTube

(That show is actually good for studying excuses, and the nature of factory-model schools.)

[xcriteria]

(10-20-2013 04:37 AM)Jack Wrote:  

Quote:What do you think... is any of that helpful?

No. Stop arguing. Insubordination! Go to the principal's office. D<

Haha, that was the next level of it I was thinking of. Punishment or "imposed consequences" time. Hence that reality show, The Priincipal's Office.

The more interesting situation is where there's some embrace of learner-centric learning.

Then the response might be more along the lines of "your loss, have fun."

The bigger problem comes in real-world work or life scenarios where people are depending on each other and face hits to their reputation, money, or whatever when people they're depending on don't come through.

That's where it's worth actually developing personal mastery skills, like responsibility, time management, priorities, and work ethic... ones that school often fails at (especially with people who don't believe in it.)

One more reason to find alternative ways to learn what really matters.