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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Confusion
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Miab419 Offline
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Post: #1
Confusion

Ever feel like you know something is wrong in your life, whether it be percived (perhaps from somebody else on to you) or a real threat that you know to be true and yet you won't fix it? Pardons broad description. It almost feels like you want to problem to persist; for reasons such as validation and excuses to other issues, for a "challenge," emotional satisfaction, or just simply won't invest the time in trying to fix it it. If I am making any sense at all, could there a name to something like this and how it may be handled?
06-17-2013 05:40 PM
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xcriteria Offline
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Post: #2
Confusion

Self-handicapping is one concept to explore.

Sometimes one simply becomes comfortable with something (a habit, or what not) and resists change. Here's a 6-minute animation about why people resist change. Food for thought:



Watch on YouTube

Beyond that, can you get more specific?

As for how what you describe can be handled, I'd start with a complete reflection on your life, your backstory, your temperament, what you want or don't want, and why. A certain amount of human motivation (or lack thereof) is governed by conflict. Part of you might want something, part of you might not. At times this can be thought of in terms of particular brain circuits, like those that think logically vs. emotionally, those that think in terms of short-term sensations vs. longer-term goals and interests.

Another factor is that many people who have gone through factory model schools have a lack of initiative. Parts of the psyche that are driven by inspiration, creativity, and all of that have often become dead and buried. These parts of self can be recovered and developed, but it takes some work.

To the extent you need validation, one option is to look for different ways to find that. Find accountability partners or a community that can help you think about and reflect on your goals. Frameworks like Jane McGonigal's [http://superbetter.com[/url] use game and story principles to help motivate steps toward goals you set, and to identify "bad guys" like mental blocks, traps, and symptoms that trip up your goals.

Those are a few ideas. The more you can explain what you mean in particular, the easier it is to address what's going on, and how you might think about making a change.

If you're missing a core driving force or passion in your life, that can be something to explore as well. What inspires you? What are your hopes and dreams, if any? What do you care about, or what have you cared about in the past but forgotten about?

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06-17-2013 08:38 PM
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Miab419 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Confusion

Actually, I think something like self handicapping may be sufficient. I might have a lack of creativity as well as a decent lack of motivation. Really haven't been willing to do things that may help in the long run, such as connecting with people, working out, trying to find a job, keeping current with news, and just try and dedicate myself to the " adult life." I know these are things I should be doing, but won't.
06-18-2013 04:29 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #4
Confusion

Not to be confused with procrastination?

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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06-18-2013 06:58 AM
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Miab419 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Confusion

Perhaps causing procrastination
06-18-2013 08:03 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #6
Confusion

I feel like I'm being pressured into such a position. Every plan I've made has been blocked by others who seem to think they're acting on my behalf, totally disregarding my opinions since they assume themselves to be "wiser" or "experienced".

Course, one can't sharpen a blade without forcing it against a stone...

And what is your definition of adult life? Do you mean society's view of "work-work-work-vacation-work-work-work-work-retire-die". If so, then I would be unfitting for such adult life.

One thing I notice is a cycle structure here.
Job-provides the means to financial independence, gives a common area for connecting and may provide the means or need to work out

Connecting-provides social support and access to certain benefits(a "network". I got my job because the owners were our neighbors for 2 years and we had close relations)

Working Out-Improves self-esteem/self-confidence that will provide a boost to your connecting and possibly assist with job, if physical in nature, or if job also involves connecting.

Current Events-something to talk about while connecting, may be involved with your job and could even involve you.

I'd suggest trying to gather all motivation to start with a job. Once that's taken care of, the others will be easier to follow along. This way you aren't using what little motivation you have on split areas, making it weaker overall.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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06-18-2013 01:17 PM
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Miab419 Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Confusion

I definetely feel pressured to jump into the job market. A professor of mine once told us that we are essentially "world makers," that we take up the worlds problems and are expected to fix them. Scares the shit out of me, honestly. I like to think that I'd want to help people, but on a more personal level, not an already unbalanced capitalist, power hungry, greedy job market that seems to show that no matter how hard you work, those in charge of businesses and politics ALWAYS get the bigger share.

But yeah, I think jobs are kinda the perfect example of an adult life, and it's good to have money, I just don't wanna feel like everything in my life revolves around my job. Kinda why I don't like college right now: I show up to a class where the curriculum crams months of material into quarters so that students are more encouraged to cheat and cram instead of actually learning the material, yet it's supposed to be a big part of "being an educated adult."

I feel like when I become an adult, I dedicate my entire existence to one thing and one thing only and learn nothing else in life, at least that's it seems with alot of other adults (in America at least). It may be an unfair description, but it means finding a "stable" job, buying a house, take care of a family, I'm just not that cut out for it yet and freeze up at the thought of, resulting in loss of motivation.

[MINI RANT] ^^
06-18-2013 02:24 PM
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