Steve Hein's Thread

[Cianna200]

I wouldn't really call it bullshit, especially do to the possibility of this stuff actually being real, I believe there is more than reality myself.
I believe in heaven (just not the religious concept of it) and I wouldn't call this belief bullshit. I don't support atheism, but I do accept agnosticism. I can't stand reality actually, I see it as uninteresting, disease carrying and heartbreaking, like you said painful, a good reason why I spend my entire life in the fantasy world, it started when I was just a kid, when I felt rejected by people and reality it's self. I feel much better this way, and I have a fear of forming friendships actually because I have a problem with believing that this is genuine caring, not just me being used for another person's happiness. That's what relationships are to me, that's why I am alone (I don't necessarily mean romantically). Spirituality actually helps me, so it hurts to see someone calling it bullshit, and as a I said before, especially since it could be true and it is needed to find true happiness in life, because life mainly revolves around "us" if you know what I mean

[SoulRiser]

A lot of people use spirituality stuff as a crutch or as an excuse to not have to take responsibility for themselves, or kind of as a drug to make themselves feel better without feeling like they have to change anything about themselves. They're doing it wrong though - that's not what it's supposed to be about.

And it's really not as simple as the mosquito thing... lol. Think X and X will happen... sure... so if I think about a Ferrari I will get one. We all know that's a load of BS. I could go on but I don't think you're interested, so I won't.

I am very skeptical of people who are not skeptical enough. I am also skeptical of being skeptical... so I dunno. I like crazy things and weird theories too. Reality is kind of boring without them. It's nice to think that we might all be connected in some way... even though there are a lot of people I don't want to be connected to.

[Cianna200]

Didn't know there were people who used spirituality to avoid responsibility. You are right, that's not how it works, it's supposed to make you a better person, more responsible, and more moral. Similar to how a lot of Christians won't admit that they are only "believers" because they fear some eternal hellish place located in the earth somewhere, and want an eternal life of merriment

Do you mean like the law of attraction? I don't want to sound like I know without a doubt it is true, but a lot of things I think about do happen, either sooner or later (not all the time though) We could call it a coincidence, but it happened so many times I don't think coincidence is the right word.

I am skeptical at times, I guess I question a lot.
Normal is pretty boring, eccentric things and people interest me the most.
I can see where you are coming from, there are people I really don't want to be connected to.

[Ky]

(05-01-2016 02:01 AM)Cianna200 Wrote:  Similar to how a lot of Christians won't admit that they are only "believers" because they fear some eternal hellish place located in the earth somewhere, and want an eternal life of merriment

It's almost as though they think they're entitled to salvation. That's one of my major pet peeves.

[SoulRiser]

Quote:a lot of things I think about do happen, either sooner or later (not all the time though) We could call it a coincidence, but it happened so many times I don't think coincidence is the right word.

Yeah, that happens to me as well. Sometimes I just "know" something, and then I keep a mental note of it, and quite often later I find out it's true. So I have enough personal evidence for me to believe that there is some kind of connection between me and other people (at least some of them) and things and whatever else is going on. I don't think everyone is aware of or able to use this connection though. I guess it's less likely to work for them if they don't believe it exists.

But I think many people take this connection stuff to ridiculous extremes though, and there's so much totally crazy stuff that people believe that they don't seem to even question... I need some kind of evidence to consider things at least plausible.

And it is pretty insensitive to tell someone that they chose their shitty parents or horrible life situation. I have read a lot of things that people wrote about how we choose the people in our lives before we're born so that we can learn certain lessons from them, etc. About how we're all actually spirits that are just occupying human form temporarily and don't remember where we came from (but some people apparently do). So according to these people, life is kind of like an educational soul game or something. Which is cool. I like that theory. But telling that to someone who is hurting like hell is just disrespectful and insensitive, it's basically invalidation... I would never do that. I can't even prove that any of it is true.

So I can understand why you don't like "spiritual" people. I don't like any people who dismiss what I say or basically don't take me seriously, or invalidate me in any way. ... but I kind of do like all the crazy woo-woo theories and stuff... some of it seems to work (for me).

[stevehein]

6:23 PM 4/30/2016
overall i had a pretty good day today.

still feel good from leo and carol's visit

we had very good talks.

but i feel bad i didnt talk to them a bit more about empathy - he studied aeronautical engineering or something so he is very rational. or most likely so. i wanted to talk to carol a little alone.
they came via warmshowers

i am thinking of tim a lot as i write. he is one of the main inspirations to write tonight and go thru the steps necessary to upload this
not sure where i will upload it. i think in ss.

its faster than uploading to my site

i have thought of introducing him to soulriser. so tim and sr if u read this, please say hello to each other

im thinking of music and fruits or whatever his or her name is. im hoping we can start chating. id like to talk to rb18 more too. rulebreaker - for tim cuz he won't know who that is. maybe they could also get to know each other. i already introduced tim to cianna - not sure how that's going now. they both said they were asexual so that motivated me to introduce them to each other- i like connecting pple.

leo told me about a site and youtube channel called primative technology. i watched one of the vids. pretty impressive.

if i remember/have time/am still awake etc i will ech lots of ex-pats in costa rica.

p and i went there for a few days but nothing really special for us and i had a bad experience in a hostel. they basically kicked us out.

carol is from brazil. she was so nice. so brazilian. i told them i think brazillians are the happiest slaves in the world and she laughed. we talked about how we are all resources and how i used to work in what they call human resources, without ever thinking how fucked up it is to think of humans as resources like copper, oil etc.

im on small laptop now with small keyboard with differnt layout than the olidata big one. the olidata is the one with the fucked up screen.
still only have one contact in.

want to wash my hands well before putting a new one in. still don't have working hot water heater. took it apart yesterday. intersting. but didn't spot the problem and dont have volt meter to check the heating element. id like to take a pic but first cam not working and second it takes a lot of time to take pic, copy to micro sd card, transfer to big laptop, post etc

there are so many things i want to do. i cant possibly do them all.

i have kind of a problem in that when i see something that i think needs to be done i try to do it. my first boss, fred pembleton owner of pembletone electronics who was about 80 said that he liked that quality about me. he said you see something that needs to be done and you do it.
but i cant do everything i see that needs to be done now. far from it and that bleeds me a little.

getting dark now. sitting by fire. smoke keeps mosquitoes away. but is in my face and eyes now haha

so dark cant see kb anymore. so will stop for now i guess. tfr
oh hello to "hope" if she reads this. and if i remember to send her the link

i thought maybe someone from ss might talk to her. she needs friends. has been abused. hit with belt etc. psychologically abused. has reported stuff to social services in the usa but they have not helped. mother makes her feel guilty, saying things like are you trying to send us to jail. and she also taunts her by saying things like go ahead and call social services.

i wish i could help her more. we have been talking about 2 years.
she recently told me she is asexual/agender and kind of would rather think of herself as a boy. but of course her parents won't except that. her parents are religious, nott surprisingly. she talks of suicide and it scares me. reminds me of lelah alcorn.

vids

primitive tech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCKkHqlx9dE

kids https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CORszUDQmH0

==

here are notes from earlier
5:10 PM 4/30/2016

camera on asus laptop not working

just got bit by mosq

[stevehein]

what someone wrote on patreon today

I treasure Steve's writing on eqi.org. A friend introduced me to this site when I was in college, a time when I felt like I didn't feel understood by those around me and also didn't understand them either. Steve's writing and stories on emotional intelligence have profoundly affected me, helping me to understand that others' feelings are as important as my own. It's something I have to keep coming back to read from time to time. Please support Steve and his writing!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/5238358

==

thanks to sr for inspiring me to post my patreon accnt on my home page a few weeks ago.

she also is the main reason i started using google ads around 2009 or 08 they brought me over a thousand dollars by now im sure. she convinced me they really work

---

it helps me to see that sr is reading the stuff i post here. it helps me to believe she will use my ideas after i am dead and she will keep passing them on to others. i feel very accepted by her. so thanks again sr - pple say one person can make a difference in someone's life. sr keeps making a difference in mine.

[brainiac3397]

btw I saw an article by some 19 year old who supposedly writes for eqi.org. Something about life after dropping out but I don't have exact link or what not. Twas interesting rly.

[stevehein]

I need to feel understood. I need empathy. I need to feel safe to express myself. I need to feel supported. I don't feel understood here. I don't feel empathized with. I don't feel safe. I don't feel supported. Not enough. I need to leave until I stop bleeding, till I get my energy, my strength back. If anyone wants to write me they cam PM me. I will get an email notification.

[Ky]

(05-01-2016 06:06 PM)stevehein Wrote:  I need to feel understood. I need empathy. I need to feel safe to express myself. I need to feel supported. I don't feel understood here. I don't feel empathized with. I don't feel safe. I don't feel supported. Not enough. I need to leave until I stop bleeding, till I get my energy, my strength back.

We have that in common... if by "here" you mean, well, anywhere.

[stevehein]

I want to teach children to say "How do you feel, Mommy? What do you need?"

If u are curious about how this is connected to violence, write me please from the contact info on my website eqi.org

[stevehein]

This morning I asked a 15 year old how much she liked school from zero to ten. She said 0

Then I asked her how much she hated it. She said 5

This surprised me because the night before I was talking to her about school and she did not seem very critical of it. I told her mother about the girl's answers and said I was surprised.

I asked the mother if she were also surprised. The mother said, "No, because she is a teenager..."

[stevehein]

some ***** reported me as feeling suicidal on facebook. later, mostly for laughs, i read the fb help page. here are some of their suggestions

one qustion is, how many of these can u do while at school or while living in ur parents home at 3 AM?


Get out for a while:
Go for a walk, jog or bike ride
Go to the movies
Visit somewhere new, like a coffee shop or museum or park you've never been

Be creative:
Draw something simple
Make a nice meal
Write a short story

Soothe your senses:
Meditate or do yoga
Take a hot shower
Listen to your favorite songs

Relax:
Look at the clouds
Read a book, magazine or blog post
Take a nap

[stevehein]

This was sent to me a few years ago. For some reason I never listened to it before... I feel guilty about that. I was afraid it was gonna be a suicide note... but it wasn't- she it helped her to say it all.

http://eqi.org/audio/memo_voicea2.mp3

By the way, please think about how you are feeling before you leave a comment. If you are feeling judgmental, please say that up front. Also, I plan to move any posts that I think could hurt her if she were to read them. I know how hurtful and insensitive people can be here. It is one reason I left for a long time.

[stevehein]

i feel really sad no one even commented on this; no one showed any empathy for her.
*sigh... i feel discouraged by that. really discouraged. almost hopeless. if ppl here dont care about a 15 year old girl in emotional pain, who will? and im scared when i die no one else will keep doing what i have been doing for 20 years or so. im 59 btw.

anyhow i heard from madelyn after i posted her voice recording on my site. then we talked for a couple days. then she stopped writing. im afraid her parents found out-- no i cant say her parents. her wardens. she lives in a teen prison. called the usa.

here is some writing about teen prisons. they are everywhere. every teen i ever met has been in some kind of prison.


http://eqi.org/tp.htm

I want M to know im thinking of her. so this will be part of the proof when she finally gets internet access back...

hug to m

[stevehein]

I just saw a reply that started with Math is not hard... Here is the full post...

BTW The person has written that she made her math teacher cry and was talking about how a math test was hard and how she is not good at math...

---
Math is not hard. I'm telling you that. There are two chances why you don't get it (1) NOBODY teaches math very well and (2) you are hoping THEY will do the teaching rather than YOU doing the learning. Math is very little more than abstract Logic.

School over-emphasizes certain skills and tries to make you feel bright or dumb based on your mastery. Trust me when I say IF you NEED math in your life, you will be fully capable of learning it THEN. Youre not bright or dumb, you just are. What is math? I don't know, its a thing I guess...
--

So here are some reasons why this person is emotionally dangerous:

1. Invalidates
2. Tries to sound like authority -- "I'm telling you that"
3. Says "Trust me"

oh yeah and who are you, why would I trust u? - especially after you just invalidated me?

4. Uses CAPITAL letters - as if to shout.
5. Blames or potentially blames the victim -- saying "you are hoping THEY will do the teaching rather than YOU doing the learning"

This is a really emotionally violent thing to say. It sounds like what an emotionally abusive parent or adult would say.

I feel scared of this person - or at least based on this post.

I thought of moving the post but decided to do this instead. I have thought before or trying to warn people... that seems a little less controlling than moving posts. Many people on this forum really scare me - and many posts I read really scare me. This forum is not a safe place for emotionally sensitive non-aggresive or non-assertive people. It is a good place to see examples of invalidation though

[vonunov]

I was told I should repost this here, I guess steve doesn't read the basement or something

None of that came off to me that way. Here's how I received it, since a different angle can help:

Invalidates: This person is a lot more blunt than you are, but not trying to invalidate, I think. They may have left out some stuff that could have helped it come across better. Here's what I got: "[I can understand how math might seem hard, but] it's not really hard; the problem is in the delivery and not in you." Sort of to reassure that the problem is not that "math is hard" or "I can't grasp math" but rather the problem is somewhere else.

"I'm telling you that": It only means emphasis to me. Claiming authority? Clearly this person feels they're something of an authority on the question of whether math is actually hard, but that doesn't seem like a huge claim to me. To me it just seems like putting "I assure you" at the end of the statement.

"Trust me when I say": Adds emphasis and implies confidence as above. To the extent that it might be taken literally as a request to trust the speaker ... I don't think there's very much there, except that until such a time as you discover for yourself that you can learn math when you actually need it (or you find that this is untrue, as the case may be), the option is to take someone's word for it, or not. However, in some quick research about how people use a phrase like "trust me when I say", it seems very idiomatic and not as literal as something like "Do it. Trust me."

CAPITALS are used for emphasis sometimes. I don't like it and neither do the style guides, but I try to give these things the most charitable interpretation possible, and in that light I find that I very seldom feel like someone is trying to shout with it. Here included.

Victim blaming: This is the part where it was easiest for me to see where you're coming from. It isn't written well for what I believe the true point is. It sounds like it's saying that the student is lazy and is expecting to be spoonfed the material. But I think the writer really means that math isn't easy to simply deliver as straight knowledge of facts, as some other subjects might be (to some extent). To effectively learn math you have to be sincerely engaged in learning that system of logic (and not certain skills of computation which are over-emphasized), which is difficult if you are expected to learn math for no particular reason instead of needing to do something with it. This is an area where the student has to be more willing and able than usual to reach out and grab understanding for themselves -- and I believe the writer's point is only that the way math is taught makes this exceedingly difficult.

Here I saw only reassurance that the problem lies in the math pedagogy rather than in this person's capacity to grasp it. I can also see how it might come across poorly if the recipient is in an emotionally sensitive state. If they were, and if this writer replying to them were aware of that and good at / inclined toward the gentle handling of these things -- like you -- then I might expect a much softer and more sensitive delivery. But the core message I see isn't so threatening as what you see. Again the problem lies in a different place -- not in the true intentions of the speaker, but in a disconnect between how the true message is relayed in language and how it's heard by the recipient in the totality of their circumstances. Whose fault it is when a message is received poorly is a whole different discussion. The point is that I don't believe the writer meant to send an emotionally damaging message, and that if a different perspective can be taken on it, it needn't have that effect.

Hopefully you find this more helpful than invalidating. I am not good at padding these things either so try to ignore any sharp edges.

[stevehein]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcLuVeHlrSs

[stevehein]

interesting guy. talks about haarp and more

he is not well known. i just found him today.

[stevehein]

here is something I found. It is hard to believe people take this seriously



http://www.webcitation.org/6nM4Epubw

Here are excerpts

Because environmental factors, especially parenting styles, are thought to be a major contributing factor to ODD the most effective treatment will involve parent training and interactive therapy between the child and parent(s). A big part of ODD therapy includes positive reinforcement of good behaviors and the parent learning to control his/her own reactions to and interactions with the child when a problem occurs. There is no medication that has shown to help with ODD but medication may be prescribed to help with a co-existing disorder.

Undiagnosed cases, or cases where the family or individual does not receive treatment, will likely result in a lifelong struggle with ODD. Untreated Oppositional Defiant Disorder may develop into Conduct Disorder, which can have very serious effects on the life of the individual and those around him/her. As with any mental disorder, seeking the help of a professional will help with controlling symptoms and managing the disorder in the most effective way.

I also found this article from my site - giving suggestions for teachers on how to manipulate someone with this so called disorder.

http://eqi.org/odd_tips.htm

[stevehein]

Here is a copy of a page on emotional abuse.
I found it when i googled "emotional abuse" + "teen suicide"

http://www.webcitation.org/6nM5rpCC6

it is from a site called teen help- but i dont think it would be very helpful to a teen. a teen might say "ok that's me. i am being emotionally abused. now what?" and it just says

But, like any other form of abuse, it is possible to mediate, and needs to be addressed. While the damage cannot be reversed, there are professionals who can help children, as well as adults, to work through these issues.

btw - as soon as u see the word "mediate" you know the article was written by someone who doesn't spend a lot of time listening to teenagers. i dont think i have ever heard a teenager use that word, unless it is referring to actual mediation, like mediation of conflicts.

it is another example of the way people talk when they don't want to really talk about something and they want to minimize it, down play it or i can say "mediate" it? idk cuz i don't use that word in that kind of way.

if you go to a university and study psychology, you will learn to talk that way.

i think i will do a search for mediate on ss.

i am depressed today btw. i feel abandoned by this person alex i was helping. kind of used by him. and discredited. when he got out of the mental hospital he didnt contact me or even any one else who i had introduced him to. he said he loved us the first day he was in there. he spent about 2 weeks there. all of the christmas holidays and new years. they seem to have really brainwashed him.

maybe put him on drugs.

he is worried about his school counselor losing her job. people at his school are telling him to go ahead and kill himself i guess.

no one took his emotional abuse seriously, no one is trying to get him away from the abuser - his birth mother.

[stevehein]

so tonight i found two interesting adults here

the first is SantiXgoIV
http://forums.school-survival.net/member...e&uid=8357

He said this in one post

I personally did therapy sessions for roughly 5 years, often with secondary school teens, and it was quite common for the school/parent (almost always the former) to demand that I keep them in line. It didn't work.

You've got to discriminate when it comes to picking a psych, and if you end up with one of those damn drones, just ignore everything they say. Seriously.


The second is

UnschoolShqiponjë - http://forums.school-survival.net/member...e&uid=4227

He is a school counselor and is from Albania or his parents are I guess.

I have been to Albania btw.

[stevehein]

I am interested to know how many people think they have an emotionally abusive mother

Here is my page on emot. abusive mothers for reference

http://eqi.org/eam1.htm

---

I have found a lot of parents do this, especially mothers - has yours?

[brainiac3397]

I probably have.

[stevehein]

9 year old girl was banned from taking pictures of school lunches, then public outcry pressured the school to reverse their decision

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-glas...t-18454800

[stevehein]

https://www.ted.com/talks/clay_shirky_ho...#t-1093566

[stevehein]

Shitty birthdays and "hope"

Has anyone else been really depressed on their birthday and even thinking of killing themselves and then people say to them "I hope you are having a great day!!!"?

I prefer if someone asks me how I am actually feeling, rather than say they "hope" I am feeling good etc.

Today I got an email from someone who said

"I love you as a friend. I am not attracted to you. I hope you're not sad about that."

This is about the third time in two weeks she has said she "hoped" something, without checking to see how I really feel.

Does this bother anyone else? Has anyone else thought about this?

Please don't leave any comments that don't show some empathy or understanding.

I am a little afraid to even post this because I have had so many painful experiences on here.

But today I will try one more time because I am feeling a bit desperate for some kind of understanding/empathy/validation of my feelings.

I don't think I will tell my friend this about hope.. I might. I am not sure yet... I am feeling some pain from several things about our relationship, so I probably would sound hurt and hurtful or bitter -or fake. So for now I will just write here.

[SoulRiser]

Good point about the hope thing... I hadn't really thought about it. I say that to people sometimes, when I want to just make contact in some way, but I can't think of anything specific to say.

I suppose "I hope you have a good day" is kind of a pointless waste of words... haha. Doesn't really accomplish anything even when it's true. I will make a mental note to never use it again.

[the Analogist]

stevehein I love your insights and your post made me feel like not quitting school survival.

tell me stevehein, what do you think of the idea that the "hope" they have about you being the result of nervousness about both you and closeness to you?

I remember you saying that a really good relationship you had really helped you feel alot better about yourself. I am curious, has that relationship not worked out?

tell me stevehein, you came to SS of all places for understanding. are you feeling lonely?

[stevehein]

(06-19-2017 09:18 AM)the Analogist Wrote:  stevehein I love your insights and your post made me feel like not quitting school survival.....

thanks... i sent u a pm