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I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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Advice for an idiot
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Dead Offline
Goon

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Post: #1
Advice for an idiot

Don't have anyone else to ask, sorry. What does one do when they've lost all their friends, their family hates them, and they hate themselves? I'm sorry but I don't have anyone else to ask. I know that I'm a whiny idiot, and it wouldn't surprise me if most of you guys hate me. But, please, I just want some advice. Anything. Thank you.
03-24-2013 12:26 PM
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Marauder Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Advice for an idiot

(03-24-2013 12:26 PM)Dead Wrote:  Don't have anyone else to ask, sorry. What does one do when they've lost all their friends, their family hates them, and they hate themselves? I'm sorry but I don't have anyone else to ask. I know that I'm a whiny idiot, and it wouldn't surprise me if most of you guys hate me. But, please, I just want some advice. Anything. Thank you.

If thats true then dang dude I feel for you. If you ever need to talk PM me. I know that feeling and its the worst in the world. Im probably gonna get so much shit for this but do you have a religion? At the time when I felt that way I turned to my faith and it helped a lot. But anyways if you wanan talk more PM me. Your not an idiot in any way.

"There is nothing on earth intended for innocent people so horrible as a school"
- George Bernard Shaw

Lux Wrote:
"School ruins families. Most of the verbal and physical punishments kids endure are because of grades. I would have a much better relationship with my parents if the school didn't harass us years ago."
03-24-2013 12:33 PM
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Ky Offline
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Post: #3
Advice for an idiot

If your family hates you, the problem is obviously with them and not you - families are supposed to tolerate one another.

If you're all out of friends, make some new ones. You could start right here at School Survival.

If you hate yourself, try to change who you are - improve. Or just believe in yourself.

I'm not the best advice-giver around, but I hope it helps.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
03-24-2013 12:40 PM
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тωιѕтє∂ Offline
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Post: #4
Advice for an idiot

"Once you hit rock bottom, all you can go is up."

No. Once you hit rock bottom, you have killed yourself, given up hope to go up.
So before you hit rock bottom, you need to learn to fly.

Twisted The Twisted Smiley Belongs To Twisted Twisted

"Treat every problem as a challenge, not a dead end. And treat every question like an obstacle worthy of your effort." -my friend's wise Asian father (Sounds better in Chinese)

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03-24-2013 01:48 PM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Advice for an idiot

(03-24-2013 01:48 PM)Twisted Wrote:  "Once you hit rock bottom, all you can go is up."

No. Once you hit rock bottom, you have killed yourself, given up hope to go up.
So before you hit rock bottom, you need to learn to fly.

Red Bull gives you wings?

I'd suggest starting from not hating yourself(why you hating yourself?), since that's probably the closest problem(considering it's less than 1 Plank length away).

Then you take care of your parents, though they'd be crappy parents if they don't like their kid. But not knowing the exact issue, can't throw out an ideas here. (You could just ignore them and perhaps flip the dinner table and roar when they piss you off.)

You can always find new friends. Friends aren't an issue. They're like tissue paper, the good quality ones last longer than the one's made from cheap paper, which you toss out rather than use.(Best friends are handkerchiefs. You keep them as long as it lasts and always remember to clean them!)

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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03-24-2013 06:32 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Advice for an idiot

You're not an idiot. Idiots are people who think they're always right and don't have the brains/humility to consider other possibilities. The fact that you are asking for advice means you can't be an idiot.

Quote:What does one do when they've lost all their friends,
How did you lose them, and are you sure you've really lost them, or are you just assuming that because you believe you're an idiot and it seems more likely to you that other people would think so as well?

Quote:their family hates them,
If they really do hate you, that's their fault and not yours. But I actually doubt that this is true... due to aforementioned bias.

Quote:and they hate themselves?
Why hate yourself? You're the only person you can ever be, so you might as well do whatever you need to do in order to enjoy being you. Change what you don't like, and accept whatever you can't change. And don't ever change something just because someone else said so... only change things YOU want to.

Quote:I know that I'm a whiny idiot
Who said that? Did someone actually say that specifically, or are you assuming they think that based on your interpretations of other things they said or did?

Quote:and it wouldn't surprise me if most of you guys hate me.
Why? We don't even know you very well (yet). Can't speak for everyone, but I like you. Hug

My point is this: if you're not even nice to yourself, it'll be very hard or impossible to imagine other people being nice to you, and that makes it likely that you may interpret netural or even positive things other people say and do in negative ways because it makes more sense to you... even if that's not what they meant.

Since you can't be 100% sure of other people's intentions (unless you can read their minds), you may as well not interpret things in negative ways... because:
1) You could be wrong, and then end up believing negative stuff that isn't even true.
2) Even if you are right about their intentions, you can't really know for sure.

So... try to avoid interpreting stuff at all. Take everything as literally as possible. If someone actually specifically SAYS they hate you, or that you're an idiot... what does that mean? Assuming they meant it, it means that that specific person thinks you're an idiot, or that specific person hates you... it doesn't mean you need to hate yourself, or that you really are an idiot in general, or that it's safe to assume everyone else on earth will think the same way. That one specific person could be wrong, they could be horribly biased, or stupid, or whatever.

I watched a video a few months back that probably explains all this better than I just did, but the site kinda insists on getting your email address and putting you on a mailing list before it'll let you watch. So I guess just sign up for some random Yahoo email first, and then check it out (unless you want the newsletters, lol... I'm already on so damn many newsletters):
http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free/
^ I think it's there... my damn internet is dodgy today.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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03-24-2013 10:59 PM
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Dead Offline
Goon

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Post: #7
RE: Advice for an idiot

Quote:How did you lose them, and are you sure you've really lost them, or are you just assuming that because you believe you're an idiot and it seems more likely to you that other people would think so as well?

I'm pretty sure that I lost them because friend 1 said that I should kill myself (in those exact words, they said "if you can't be normal, you mine as well kill yourself") and then friend 2 said "look...I'm going to have to quit the band. (we had plans to try to attempt to make a band, they were going to be the guitarist and I was going to be the drummer. We were still looking for a singer and someone to play bass guitar.) And not eat lunch with you. And...just not hang out with you. You were a good bro, but I'm going to try something different for a change."

Quote:If they really do hate you, that's their fault and not yours. But I actually doubt that this is true... due to aforementioned bias.

My mom barely notices I'm alive, no exaggeration. She does stuff like stare at the tv for hours when it's not even on. She sleeps for at least 12 hours a day (she doesn't have a job). I could leave the house and she wouldn't notice for hours. My dad is insane. He's beat my mom and my brother before, hasn't really hurt me that much though. He always says shit to me though, like "I'm a failure at life" and he makes fun of me because I used to cut myself (for example, we'll be in a store, and he'll be like "do you need anything? Razor blades? Scissors? Knives?") My brother doesn't hate me, though. He doesn't live with me because he's in the army, but I still talk to him time to time.

Quote:Why hate yourself? You're the only person you can ever be, so you might as well do whatever you need to do in order to enjoy being you. Change what you don't like, and accept whatever you can't change. And don't ever change something just because someone else said so... only change things YOU want to.

True. It's just really hard for me to accept the things I can't change when I can't stop thinking about them.

Quote:Who said that? Did someone actually say that specifically, or are you assuming they think that based on your interpretations of other things they said or did?

Some kids were talking shit about me and one of them called me a whiny idiot.

Quote:Why? We don't even know you very well (yet). Can't speak for everyone, but I like you. Hug

Thanks. I'll admit that I always assume people hate me because if it turns out they actually do hate me, I won't have that feeling of disappointment. But I can see how it's kind of stupid to always assume that people hate me.

Quote:My point is this: if you're not even nice to yourself, it'll be very hard or impossible to imagine other people being nice to you, and that makes it likely that you may interpret netural or even positive things other people say and do in negative ways because it makes more sense to you... even if that's not what they meant.

True. I almost don't say anything to anyone because I just sort of assume I'll get a bad reaction.
03-24-2013 11:53 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Advice for an idiot

Quote:I'm pretty sure that I lost them because friend 1 said that I should kill myself (in those exact words, they said "if you can't be normal, you mine as well kill yourself") and then friend 2 said "look...I'm going to have to quit the band. (we had plans to try to attempt to make a band, they were going to be the guitarist and I was going to be the drummer. We were still looking for a singer and someone to play bass guitar.) And not eat lunch with you. And...just not hang out with you. You were a good bro, but I'm going to try something different for a change."
Hmm... were they ever real friends in the first place, I wonder?

Quote:My mom barely notices I'm alive, no exaggeration. She does stuff like stare at the tv for hours when it's not even on. She sleeps for at least 12 hours a day (she doesn't have a job). I could leave the house and she wouldn't notice for hours. My dad is insane. He's beat my mom and my brother before, hasn't really hurt me that much though. He always says shit to me though, like "I'm a failure at life" and he makes fun of me because I used to cut myself (for example, we'll be in a store, and he'll be like "do you need anything? Razor blades? Scissors? Knives?") My brother doesn't hate me, though. He doesn't live with me because he's in the army, but I still talk to him time to time.
Okay, your parents are definitely lacking in a few key areas. Still doesn't mean they hate you though. Maybe they hate themselves deep down and don't even try to be good parents because they expect to fail at it anyway... and then there's always the stupid 'parent advice' going around these days that says to avoid giving kids "too much" attention for fear of "spoiling" them, and some other crap about "tough love". Maybe they fell for some of that stuff and think that's how they're supposed to be... and probably many other possibilities... Shrug

Quote:True. It's just really hard for me to accept the things I can't change when I can't stop thinking about them.
Yeah, I know. You'll get better at it with practice though. Hug

Quote:Some kids were talking shit about me and one of them called me a whiny idiot.
Just one? (You see where I'm going with this, right?) Smile

Quote:Thanks. I'll admit that I always assume people hate me because if it turns out they actually do hate me, I won't have that feeling of disappointment. But I can see how it's kind of stupid to always assume that people hate me.
Well, 'stupid' is kind of a strong word. Don't beat yourself up over it... but do try to stop.

Quote:True. I almost don't say anything to anyone because I just sort of assume I'll get a bad reaction.
Yup, I've been there. I used to do exactly the same thing. Really makes life a lot less enjoyable, and it's so unnecessary (though not easy to fix, takes time and it really helps to have supportive/understanding people around for reassurance).

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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03-25-2013 01:18 AM
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Dead Offline
Goon

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Post: #9
RE: Advice for an idiot

I just want to say thanks to everyone who replied it helped a lot.
03-25-2013 08:05 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Advice for an idiot

Yay Smile Hug

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

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"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

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03-25-2013 08:56 AM
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