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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...
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GamerGurl Away
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Post: #1
So My Mom Threatened Me...

Well the probation officer lady (heck, she also goes by the title of "supervisor") who called me yesterday I believe said she wanted to talk to me. What I hate about her is that she tries to be nice, only to be a bitch behind my back. Few months ago, she suggested to my parents to take away my laptop, TV, and pretty much anything else I use until I get my GED, while trying to "help" me out by telling me to go out to this event thing that she gave me (keep in mind I happened to get all this stuff back by the time I started my GED). Now, she's trying to "help" me by saying the same thing and to give back my mom's cellphone charger, yet she told my mom something about using her epilepsy medical condition against me if I don't give it back. In all, she's just a fake bitch siding with my parents and the system. Razz

The reason why I have her phone charger was because my mom took away my Xbox. Funny thing is my mom threatened me to call her and she has told me in her rages how she'd make the lady try and come up with anything to get me. What I don't get is is how would that work? All I have been doing is "disrespecting" them (I put quotation marks around "disrespect" because they've been continually disrespecting me) and all I did was take away my mom's cellphone charger and hid somewhere in the apartment. My mom said something I could barely hear when she demanded I put the cellphone charger on the table by tomorrow afternoon, or something's going to happen since she needs that for her work stuff and her medical condition. I just don't know what would exactly happen?

I googled the supervisor's name, only to come up with this. She's on the bottom of the 9th page. Sad to see I couldn't dig up anything else about this lady. I also recognize that this is her because of the street address and the phone number. I'm just really confused, and what, I'm going to be charged with something for doing this? Like what—attempted murder for not giving back her cellphone charger?

Odd thing is, my mom was just using her cellphone today. I don't know how. Maybe she got that new cellphone charger but it makes no sense at all. None of this does. Her using her cellphone just this evening? Threatens about something going to be done if I don't give it back? All I want is a trade—my Xbox stuff for her cords. Easy as that, but yet my mom continues to drag this along. If things take a turn for the worse then I may give up, but I do have a back-up plan to ensure I win which just so happens to trash her side of the room until I get my stuff back.

Additionally, if my mom isn't here tomorrow for part of the day, I MIGHT post the video of the anti-school KONY styled video. Though I did just recently mention this to a friend interested in helping me out on this, so it might be uploaded this weekend or early next week. If you have anymore advice on what to include to combat our pro-school rivals or to get more people to our side, feel free to post it.

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
(This post was last modified: 03-01-2013 05:54 PM by GamerGurl.)
03-01-2013 03:57 PM
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coffee Offline
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Post: #2
So My Mom Threatened Me...

Fuck, that's retarded, I hate when they're trying to "help" you.
Oh lawdy and the "disrespecting", like we're supposed to just take it up the ass.
03-01-2013 05:36 PM
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Post: #3
So My Mom Threatened Me...

Lol@stealing her charger. Right on man, keep fighting the power. You did exactly what the Mayor told you.



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03-01-2013 07:39 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #4
So My Mom Threatened Me...

lol @ hypocrites.

Sounds like they're just trying to scare you.

On the one hand, you are kind of stooping to her level by hiding her charger, on the other hand it serves her right. Take other stuff of hers too, why stop at the charger? Don't break stuff though... unless they break yours first.

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03-02-2013 05:03 AM
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Post: #5
RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

(03-01-2013 07:39 PM)Slick Wrote:  Lol@stealing her charger. Right on man, keep fighting the power. You did exactly what the Mayor told you.



Watch on YouTube
I lol'd. +1 Razz

(03-02-2013 05:03 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  lol @ hypocrites.

Sounds like they're just trying to scare you.

On the one hand, you are kind of stooping to her level by hiding her charger, on the other hand it serves her right. Take other stuff of hers too, why stop at the charger? Don't break stuff though... unless they break yours first.
It seems so. I worry sometimes, but after I get frustrated or just look at her for once that worry and fear seems to dissipate.

They also say that revenge is the best revenge. I believe stooping to her level is the only way to "win" this whole thing. Razz And don't worry. I'm totally aware that I shouldn't be the one to initiate anything more unless she does it first.

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
03-02-2013 09:36 AM
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Post: #6
So My Mom Threatened Me...

I can't stop loling @ how crazy this situation is

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Post: #7
RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

(03-02-2013 05:03 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  lol @ hypocrites.

Sounds like they're just trying to scare you.

On the one hand, you are kind of stooping to her level by hiding her charger, on the other hand it serves her right. Take other stuff of hers too, why stop at the charger?
So I'm going to call that parole officer/secretary and leave her a message. I'm just going to tell her that whatever she tells my mom that threats like those won't work and she knows it. And furthermore, unless she wants to charge me with something that she stop calling. I got my GED, and even though it was her business for like a day, I'd like to stop associating with her (or keep in contact with her) because it's people like her that are ruining kids' lives with this public education system, and that their type of "help" is nothing but warnings to coerce people or it leads to punishment.

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
(This post was last modified: 03-03-2013 06:41 PM by GamerGurl.)
03-03-2013 06:37 PM
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RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

Did she actually suggest that your mother drug you? Do you have proof, and if not, get some? That is HUGE no-no and if you play your cards right she can loose her job.

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Post: #9
RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

That 'disrespect' is a big issue for me too. They act like they're all high and mighty and can do whatever the heck they want, regardless of how respectful it is to me, but pin the 'disrespectful' label on me whenever I don't do exactly what they want. At young ages, this is good. It's how it's supposed to work, with the parents providing guidance and the kid accepting guidance. At some point, though, kids stop being stupid. They learn to make their own choices and decisions. That's when people start earning respect. If you treat me like dirt, I will treat you like dirt. Deal with it or change your evil ways.


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03-06-2013 12:32 PM
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So My Mom Threatened Me...

No, I don't think that's good at ANY age. It's not healthy behaviour at all. Parents can provide guidance without acting like jerks, and little kids generally try to imitate their parents as much as possible anyway (which is precisely why acting like a jerk towards kids is a really bad thing).

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RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

(03-04-2013 05:30 AM)Alucard483 Wrote:  Did she actually suggest that your mother drug you? Do you have proof, and if not, get some? That is HUGE no-no and if you play your cards right she can loose her job.
No. Not at all. How would I know in the first place? If I do find how, however, I will post it here.

Update: I took SoulRiser's advice and took more stuff. My mom was careless enough to be out of her room for a long time, and while my little sister didn't notice, I snuck into their room and I took away my mom's cellphone. She just found out and got uber pissed. She took all of my washed clothes because of this and she bagged them. She said she's either going to get rid of 99% of the clothes I have (they're with her in a bag right now) and either:
  • A) Give them to my aunt to store them;
  • B) Or B) When she goes to her new volunteer place, she's going to give it to charity. (Most likely this option)
Either way, I lose almost all my clothes and what I wear is all I get to wear. Not sure what else to do at this point. :(

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03-10-2013 04:50 PM
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RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

Nigga, if you gunna go to war you have to batten down the hatches. Hide ANYTHING that you dont want taken away. Leave it all at friends houses so she couldnt get to it if she wanted. I once got in a huge fiaght with my parents. Skipped school, packed up my xbox, computer, games, DVDs, and a box or two of other shit and left it all at my friend erics

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Post: #13
So My Mom Threatened Me...

My take is that escalating conflict like this is never the solution. Disrespecting people who disrespect you isn't going to help them learn respect.

Consider your mom's perspective. Of course she's uber upset. She has a reason to be. She's a person, too, and from her perspective she's probably like "WTF?" On top of everything else, people tend to highly value their cell phone. It becomes an extension of who they are.

It sounds like this all started because they weren't sure what to do, and they were taking cues from other people on how to deal with the situation. It sounds like your parents basically want to see signs that you're doing something productive. I think that's a reasonable desire. The problem is what they interpret as productive.

I just don't see how taking people's stuff is the solution. This includes the xbox but anything else as well. It's hard to give advice without knowing all of the details, but try to figure out a way to live peacefully with them and let them know you're taking steps of some kind to learn.

There are lots of ways to learn online, about things you're into that you could develop into a portfolio or resume and maybe even find work based on them. If you try to present a plan like that to your parents, maybe they'll start to trust that you aren't just spinning out of control.

If they're only focusing on external behaviors, and the main behaviors you're showing are taking their stuff, I can't imagine anything good coming out of it.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

Okay, I think my advice was a bad idea. I mean, yeah, sure she deserves it, but she kind of has the upper hand here. She's clearly a control freak, and this has turned into a power struggle, and will not stop until one of you "loses". Even if you decide to be civilized now and give back her stuff, she will think she "won".

I think your best bet is to make a plan to move out ASAP. Is your sanity worth some Xbox cables?

I googled 'how do deal with a control freak' and it seems the general consensus is: Don't. Razz

Some of this stuff might be helpful though:
http://www.ehow.com/how_4722541_away-con...power.html
http://www.ehow.com/info_10069769_techni...reaks.html

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

It doesn't have to play out as a lose-lose or win-lose scenario. It can be hard, but sometimes by taking into account everyone's perspectives and background and interests, it's possible to find win-win solutions and de-escalate conflict.

Keep in mind there are a whole cast of characters in this scenario. Anyone can get caught in a pinch and not know what to do to get themselves out of it. I don't see a control freak here, just a concerned and desperate parent who's taking advice from other people who don't have the whole story (which can be just as bad.)

Here's a video from Ed Muzio where he explains the Karpman Drama Triangle in the context of workplace drama. The ideas are just as applicable to household drama or other situations where this pattern plays out.



Watch on YouTube

Note how he moves the role labels around to all the participants as the cycle of drama plays out. Naming one person as the Big Bad in real-life situations is often inaccurate.

Most importantly, consider the question of underlying intentions and short term vs. long term goals. Sometimes it's not clear what people actually want. Sometimes they're confused themselves, and get caught up in the short-term drama without considering the broader context. There's a lot to consider in situations like this.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

Yeah, I guess it's quite likely she's just doing what she thinks parents are "supposed" to do because she just doesn't know any better.

So, how can Marty explain to her she's wrong? Why would she listen to him instead of someone she thinks is "more qualified" or whatever?

I really don't have patience for people like that, lol. I'd just GTFO, or do what Alucard said. I know that isn't technically a solution though... but it's easier.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

Please stop linking to tvtropes. I like my spare time.

Hello, traveler.

This is an ancient account I have not used in a long time. My views have changed much in the intervening months and years.

Nonetheless, I refuse to clean it up. Pretending that I've held my current views since the beginning of time is what we in the industry call a lie. Asking people to do so contributes to moralistic self-loathing. "See, those people have nothing damning! I do! I'm truly vile!"

Because you can never be a good person with a single blemish on the moral record, I thought that simply entertaining some thoughts made me irredeemable. Though I don't care for his writing style, William Faulkner presents a good counterexample. He went from being a typical Southern racist to supporting the civil rights movement. These days we'd yell at him for that, probably.

People are allowed to change their views.

Nevertheless, this period of my life has informed some of how I am today. In good ways and bad ways. To purge it would be to do a disservice to history. Perhaps it will not make anyone sympathetic, but it may help someone understand.

If, after reading all this, you still decide to use the post above as evidence that I am evil today, ask yourself if you have never disagreed with the moral code you now follow. In all likelihood you did, at some point. If some questions are verboten, and the answer is "how dare you ask that," don't expect your ideological opponents to ever change their minds.
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So My Mom Threatened Me...

Your parents, unlike mine, are actually scared of you to the point at which they take stuff away. Your opportunity is simply golden - make it a war they can't win.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

Want a perfect solution?

Become a dedicated Buddhist monk. Deny all life luxury and comfort. Soon, they'll literally have nothing to use against you because your belief already has you abandoning all that stuff.

It's what I'd do. Empty out my room of everything, including my bed. Leave nothing but a carpet on the floor and a cushion to sit on(not for comfort purposes but because It'd be nice to keep blood circulation in my leg going for longer periods of time than it would when sitting on solid surface). Do some physical activities to stay healthy and take a vow of silence. Never react with emotion to anything whether good or bad.

Soon, they'll grow frustrated by the fact you've successfully reached a new level of living beyond their pathetic existence and ignorant existence.

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

(03-11-2013 01:21 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  Yeah, I guess it's quite likely she's just doing what she thinks parents are "supposed" to do because she just doesn't know any better.

So, how can Marty explain to her she's wrong? Why would she listen to him instead of someone she thinks is "more qualified" or whatever?

I really don't have patience for people like that, lol. I'd just GTFO, or do what Alucard said. I know that isn't technically a solution though... but it's easier.

I've given this problem a lot of thought. In general, how can parents be introduced to better ways to understand their school-averse kids, who often feel so resentful, while they're parents are confused as to how to respond?

And in particular, what can Marty do in this situation?

I have in mind an entire course about these kind of questions, that's structured in a way that facilitates conversations about these questions and plays out more like an interactive story than a traditional course.

I've collected a lot of related videos and articles, including ones that might help parents understand, but just a big set of links isn't the most appetizing format to dig through. Also, a lot of these links talk about ideas in terms of workplaces or geopolitical conflicts or in terms of psychological concepts that take some thought to adapt to the situation of school, video games, and parent/kid interactions.

This article is a good example of what I have in mind:

The Importance of Undisciplined Thinking
http://chronicle.com/article/The-Importance-of/134032/
"This course made me realize that there are two ways to view myself and my life: From the outside looking in (how others see me), and from the inside looking out (how I see myself). Now that I'm aware of these two perspectives, I think about everything differently."

(03-12-2013 08:09 AM)DoA Wrote:  Your parents, unlike mine, are actually scared of you to the point at which they take stuff away. Your opportunity is simply golden - make it a war they can't win.

I don't see why this has to be escalated into a war. This isn't a matter of people being scared, but of them being unsure of how to deal with a complex situation. This isn't just about the xbox cables. Both Marty and his parents have interests and goals that have ended up being caught up in a set of fixed positions over a specific token object.

Consider this video featuring Harvard negotiation professor Robert Mnookin:



Watch on YouTube

Highlights:

0:46 -- "in terms of negotiation, why is it important to learn what their underlying interests are?"
1:06 -- "trades are easy if one side is vegetarian and the other side likes meat"
1:14 -- "emphasizing the importance of being able to demonstrate an understanding of someone else's perspective"
1:22 -- "I told them that the secret weapon to being a good negotiator is being a good listener
1:28 -- "let me show you how a lot of people listen:" (herds student off the stage)
"I'm not listening, I'm not following him, I want him to go in this direction."

Finally, some other key points: differences between positions and interests... and the idea of not always needing to have a winner and a loser. In game theory terms, this is the difference between a zero-sum game (one winner and one loser), and a non-zero-sum game (multiple winners and/or multiple losers.) Here's one summary of the concept of non-zero-sum games: http://www.nonzero.org/gametheory.htm

One way to move from fighting over positions to discussing underlying interests is to have conversations where you seek to learn, rather than assuming what other people are about. Modeling this approach might even help others to consider taking it themselves. A good starting point is to flesh out your own interests and motives, short-term *and* long-term. Is the goal to wage a war, or "win" one particular battle? Or is there a bigger set of values and challenges to take into account?

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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #21
So My Mom Threatened Me...

Good points and advise but there are some people who, through sheer ignorance, refuse to accept you as an equal and thus will themselves try to get the upper-hand rather. Think of it as the person preferring to sit at the head of a rectangular table rather than be at an equal point at the round table.

His conflict rises from a master-servant type stance, where his mother assumes herself the master(and the officer lady as that bastard adviser that's always whispering crap into the master's ear) and him as the servant. To get out of the "game", both sides have to agree. Unfortunately, I think a 3rd party puts up an obstacle(since the mother seems to be influenced by someone's elses ideas.)

Or simply: She's acting like a little kid with her naughty friend goading her into doing stupid things, which tend to irritate the smarter folk of the universe.

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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Post: #22
So My Mom Threatened Me...

(03-13-2013 12:04 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Want a perfect solution?

Become a dedicated Buddhist monk. Deny all life luxury and comfort. Soon, they'll literally have nothing to use against you because your belief already has you abandoning all that stuff.

It's what I'd do. Empty out my room of everything, including my bed. Leave nothing but a carpet on the floor and a cushion to sit on(not for comfort purposes but because It'd be nice to keep blood circulation in my leg going for longer periods of time than it would when sitting on solid surface). Do some physical activities to stay healthy and take a vow of silence. Never react with emotion to anything whether good or bad.

Soon, they'll grow frustrated by the fact you've successfully reached a new level of living beyond their pathetic existence and ignorant existence.
Some lessons can be learned from this suggestion without taking things to an extreme. Just learning to cope without xbox and finding better ways to use the time can be just as much of a win as getting it back. I've found that often when one brick wall pops up in life, it can be used as a good prompt for changing things up and doing something else instead. Sometimes things break and instead of rushing to replace them, making the most of some other approach can lead to unexpected wins.

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

So becoming a devoted Buddhist monk and renouncing materialistic gain or luxury or comfort is not that bad an idea.

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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Post: #24
So My Mom Threatened Me...

That Buddhist monk idea would be hilarious. Not sure it'd solve anything though... Razz

Any updates?

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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #25
So My Mom Threatened Me...

Please. Wait till you see the look on their faces when they learn you don't give a shit about anything, leaving them unable to do anything.

"Go to your room!"
"Good Idea. I should meditate longer"

"No TV"
"TV is a comfort that is the cause of human suffering"
"No video games"
"Video games are a comfort and cause for suffering"
"No more -insert favorite thing in the world-"
"Attachment simply leads to more suffering"

"No FOOD!"
"Fasting will help my achieve spiritual liberation"
"Your not allowed to use the bathroom"
"Then I'll shit in the nearest container"

Sounds like it'll work. It's starting that will be the hard part...

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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Post: #26
So My Mom Threatened Me...

It is not okay how people are not listening to you, and you need to do something about that.

But don't fight fire with fire, fight fire with water.

(Did I make that quote up? I think I did... oh well.)

Twisted The Twisted Smiley Belongs To Twisted Twisted

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So My Mom Threatened Me...

No. Water might not be a good choice for certain fires. You need:
[Image: Arm-Hammer-Baking-Soda.jpg]

Because Baking Soda is a fire retardant and works in nearly every case.

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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03-18-2013 06:42 PM
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RE: So My Mom Threatened Me...

(03-13-2013 12:04 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Want a perfect solution?

Become a dedicated Buddhist monk. Deny all life luxury and comfort. Soon, they'll literally have nothing to use against you because your belief already has you abandoning all that stuff.

It's what I'd do. Empty out my room of everything, including my bed. Leave nothing but a carpet on the floor and a cushion to sit on(not for comfort purposes but because It'd be nice to keep blood circulation in my leg going for longer periods of time than it would when sitting on solid surface). Do some physical activities to stay healthy and take a vow of silence. Never react with emotion to anything whether good or bad.

Soon, they'll grow frustrated by the fact you've successfully reached a new level of living beyond their pathetic existence and ignorant existence.
WOW! This is an amazing troll! 10/10! Would do this. I might consider doing this! I love trolling and becoming some sort of Buddhist will definitely not only throw off my mother, but might do something!

Back on-topic... the reason why I haven't really posted an update is because a lot of drama has been going on since I took her cellphone (as SoulRiser suggested Razz). I don't blame you at all, Soul. Please remember that. My mom called my uncle and my aunt came here and my uncle assaulted me. I call it assault, as I ended up with a scar on my wrist (it's still there), very minor cuts on my fingers, two specs of blood on my bed, and my whole body hurting for days until I took some medicine to heal faster. It's a long story. The cops even came by after this happened from a guy I talked to about this, but they said they were going to let this slide—and I believe it's because they said it didn't look like I was assaulted (heard this from my mom talking to my dad over the phone).

A lot, a ton, of drama has been going on. I didn't have my laptop for about 2–3 days after the assault incident (Sunday, March 10). Forced my dad to give it back to me.

I'll possibly post this in a new thread, as this one exploded with tons of new replies. I'll be back with an update soon enough.

Additionally, I'd just like to tell you all that you all are kind of like a real family to me. We think alike, we wish the best for each other, and even though this is the internet, we try to look out for each as best we can. Smile

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
(This post was last modified: 03-21-2013 12:29 AM by GamerGurl.)
03-21-2013 12:21 AM
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Post: #29
So My Mom Threatened Me...

Oh, they pulled out the big guns huh? Well it's time to smash shit. I'd volunteer your mother's phone first. Smash that thing to kingdom come then hand it to her and tell her to call her brother now. Tell her it fell down the stairs Biggrin

Cops don't really do much in those cases. I'd suggest social services, they'll put some heat on your parents. You know, come for to see how things are going. It'd be nice if you had some visible signs of harm. I'd say you pick a fight with a drunk and let him beat you silly a day or two before the social worker comes, then when they come, you subtelty and indirectly make it seem like your parents led this to happen.(As in they beat you and left you with a black eye,broken arm and swollen lip)

Then laugh maniacally at how they're getting in all this trouble while everyone is pitying the poor victim(you).


On the more serious side, We're here to help.

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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(This post was last modified: 03-21-2013 02:43 AM by brainiac3397.)
03-21-2013 02:42 AM
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Post: #30
So My Mom Threatened Me...

^ There are actually a few sentences in there that might actually help. (Not the thing with the drunk, that's just ridiculous.)

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03-21-2013 03:04 AM
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