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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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An overdue rant(warning, pretty long)
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brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

Posts: 9,823
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Post: #1
An overdue rant(warning, pretty long)

I would've done this earlier but I was pretty tired...

It all started on Saturday evening. I was relaxing at home, watching TV and browsing this site a little. Next, I get a phone call from a friend(A) telling me that another friend(B) is hosting a dinner at his home(a conservative dinner with the males of the family at the table as well, which was B's older brother and father). A told me that my other friends were already there(H & D). We're technically part of this group at school and outside of school, doing religious stuff and studying for school(a bit difficult to really explain).

So I go along with them, saying "what the hell, its just dinner". I then learn that my guidance counselor(who is the "supervisor" of our group thing) is there along with our "mentor"(who is appointed to us by our supervisor. It's usually a 20-something year old college student from overseas who stays in a dorm-like place with other students who are either international students or part of this group and are voluntarily staying there instead of being at home). This came as a surprise but I brushed it off, planning on just having the dinner and leaving.

So we get there, wait for the guidance counselor to come, and do the customary handshakes and greeting stuff. The counselor comes, we sit at the table and begin our dinner. Afterwards, we have our deserts with tea then we go to the basement to play some video-games etc. A had to leave for a while. I soon learn that the group planned on going to the movie with the mentor(the latest die hard). I suddenly get sucked into this, having no choice. I decide that its just a movie.

So we get into the mentors car and head to the movie. We get there, watch the movie. We then begin to leave. A had arrived for the movie and I decide to ride with him(and H). The thing is A is the kind of kid who is the life of a party and social but also "laid back" and likes to think himself as being "cool" in a sense. H is pretty smart in the sense he studies hard but sometimes he dips into teenage immaturity(and likes to "act gay" in the sense he finds it amusing to inappropriately touch males, though by that I mean us as his friends and outside of school or out of sight of any classmates). It was around 1 am, so the roads were clear.

A sees a car and learns the car is racing with him, so he decides to race. I don't care much for this, since it's normal for people to have a affinity to speed in vehicles(though I'd consider A to have a bit immature and unprofessional outlook on this. Probably due to the Need For Speed movie series that seem to inspire him more than real-life racing does). He then decides to take a stop at a resturant that has hookah and we go there and kill 30 minutes waiting for him to finish. H also smokes but at that moment he wasn't feeling good. I despise any sort of smoking as the smoke irritates me(but H gets all excited since he assumes I'm all innocent. Which pisses me off. I get tired of the "Hah! lets take him to hooters" "Wow, Its his first time with us to hookah" etc. I may be considered innocent but I don't do those things or show no interest in them because no enlightened human should so actively reveal their animalistic side. I find areas such as strip clubs and the "hooters" to be terribly uncouth.)

On the way to the dorm place, H teases me about sleeping early(I told him I intended to sleep). He goes on and on. Of course when we get there, B and D are playing blackops split screen so I join them. We have so much fun(and I beat them a few too many times, along with the bots) that We feel no sleep. H sleeps about an hour or two after we had arrived(so his teasing was a total fail). I'm the only one who doesn't sleep the entire day right into morning.(I'm an everything addict, I feel no hunger or sleep when I'm deeply involved in an interest of mine).

Now things start to grow worse. There was a soccer match I had signed up for on Sunday evening(our team of students vs a bunch of adults from other dorms or graduates from the high school). However, I signed up on Friday and never had the intentions of going to this dorm, which left me dead-tired from the lack of sleep. We left the dorm at 3 pm and went to go pick up some stuff from A's home(sport wear). H commented on my tiredness and that he never said I shouldn't have stayed up all night(I'm a person who takes things seriously. If I say I will stay up, I will.) We then go to the local 7-11 to get some food, and on the way I comment that I might as well not play. All of a sudden, they all got crazy about how I should "man up" or that they'll force me to drink some energy drinks. I then comment on how this is just a friendly match with no meaning. They got crazier, especially A and H, about how this is about reputation and some bullshit like that. At that moment, I felt like punching them in the face. I ended up going along and the only way I got through the soccer match was to tap into the anger I had built up and use it to continue playing.

It was after this event I remembered why I kept my distance from these people, especially A and H. I realized how they both liked to presume themselves as adults yet the only adulthood they seemed to know was the shit on MTV with the rappers and the stoners who walk around in their PJs. It terribly annoys me when people fail to keep a certain standard of culture and manner, aiming for laid back but ending up as unrefined and unsophisticated hormonally driven and irrational youths they actually are.

For those who want to not read(this is like a story in a sense, a real story). I basically spent 2 days with my peers and remembered why I despised them so much. I remembered why I liked being around educated adults and why I always chose the type of people I spoke with(I prefer conversing with open-minded,calm,sophisticated people. Not to mention I'll have a greater preference for the richer strata folk who have grace and elegance. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong place at the wrong time...)

Ah. This rant was so definitely necessary. Otherwise I may have just beaten up those kids. I'm usually a calm and peaceful person but immature-adult-acting infuriates me, especially when such attitude is tried to be put on me as being the right way to act.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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(This post was last modified: 02-20-2013 02:36 PM by brainiac3397.)
02-20-2013 02:35 PM
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SmokeyTheAggie Offline
Renegade

Posts: 61
Joined: Nov 2012
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Given 5 thank(s) in 5 post(s)
Post: #2
RE: An overdue rant(warning, pretty long)

Dude, I feel just like that. Almost as if all the kids your age are just totally dummys.

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02-20-2013 03:35 PM
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HawkbitAlpha Offline
Pariah

Posts: 551
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Given 95 thank(s) in 67 post(s)
Post: #3
An overdue rant(warning, pretty long)

You know what I think? I think we all died long ago before school and the society it created became our eternal punishment!

RIP GWEDIN (2013-2017)
RIP URITIYOGI (2016-2017)
RIP NIGHT (2009-2017)
RIP VONUNOV (2008-2017)
RIP WES/THEWAKE (2007-2017)
RIP USERNAME (2013-2017)
RIP HAWKBIT (2013-2017)
RIP SS

"Write me a little report of [my video], so I know you watched it, or you get another warning. One of my other goals is to make this forum a bit of my own class...So, tell me, how you feel about the new rule of having you do homework? Or you get another warning. So, do you want to do this or not?...Please send a PM and tell me if you're willing or not. I will probably give you 24 hours to send the PM. No PM will indicate to me that, no, you don't want to do things in this new way. So, you will be saying goodbye."
-Stevehein, promise-maker and Führer moderator of SJW-Survival, 2017

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02-20-2013 04:34 PM
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