The Joy of Quitting The Job Racket
WARNING: This is long and anecdotal. If it is misplaced, I apologize. I do feel it is of some use for those who are trying to remember how much the 'mainstream' to 'alternative' income SUCKS!
I got hired at Target about a month ago. They took three weeks to process me because of some misdemeanor convictions I received when I lived in Texas (there was some inconsistency the HR department was too incompetent to handle.) I recently got out of what one could call a 'six year sabbatical' of what I identified at the time to be depression. As I came to accept my own laziness, I paradoxically became what I wanted: more productive, and with more self-control. The proponents of Law of Attraction tend to forget how hyper-intention, positive or otherwise, can fuck up your Wu Wei (as some second rate Chinese poet calls it.)
I've been doing a lot of (what society sees as) 'productive stuff' lately that has been good for my own personal growth: I cut off from the majority of people who were wasting my time with mindless negativity, and I stopped feeling compelled to get intoxicated to ease myself. Soon came a complete and utter lack of suicidal thoughts, a sense of contentment, and healthier eating/exercise which led to forty pounds of fat loss. At some point, possibly due to the influence of beer which I had still occasionally partaken in, I decided "what the hell? Getting a job can't hurt."
So after the three weeks of bullshit back and forth, I finally get a call confirming my background check was consistent and asking me to come into orientation the next day. I got my first paying job in over a year. It was nice, until all of a sudden I started to understand why I didn't work for over a year again; family and friends were showering me with congratulations, saying how proud they were that I finally "strapped down and got a job."
"What the hell?", I thought. I was perplexed. I had started to make all sorts of accomplishments which were making me a better developed human being. I was proud of those, but getting a job? A job is a damn job. I had just conquered a six year wrestling match with a neurosis and started to achieve a level of contentment and self-actualization that most people never really attain with both eyes open, and I was getting praised for my ability to get work as a stocking serf for Target? I was fucking amazed.
What it really does is show what value society, even those close to you, will put on an unemployed twenty something college dropout, including many of the fairly Bohemian or creativity driven. Subconsciously or not, they can be prone to likening you to some kind of leech to society. Because they took their time to pay their dues, or are taking their time to pay their dues, they assume you have to suck the semen of wage slavery just like the rest of society does. I had started to realize this, perhaps remember this (if you read my rants from 2007 and 2008, you'll find I was very anti-work at the time), but I decided to shrug my shoulders and remember that glorious paycheck I was bound to receive for some work.
By the third day in, I was already at the fucking cusp of distaste. The work was monotonous, and I felt dehumanized. That was expected, but the bullshit really started when I was scheduled to get off work at 9 AM, and much to my horror I HAD TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE TO LEAVE AT MY SCHEDULED TIME EACH DAY. At some point one day, I told one of the workers with seniority that I was scheduled to end at 9. "Oh, that's never right. It's more like 9:45 AM that you get to leave, if that. If you do leave, you'll get written up," she told me.
I was beginning to feel suicidal again - luckily I know how to deal with suicidal thoughts like a pro by now. I applied some of these coping mechanisms to work life, knowing that killing myself was not an answer but probably just an indicator of needing to add some yin/yang bullshit to my perspective (seeing the bad and good and not focusing on one or the other.) I was already physically sick that day, so I went into a moment of primordial anger that I kept bottled up.
Like how a depressed person can sometimes take refuge in knowing they have the option to commit suicide to get through the day, I took refuge in knowing that I could quit any time. I continued on for a while, and started to feel OK. Next thing I know, the bitch who told me I couldn't leave until at least 45 minutes after my scheduled time is gone (she had clocked in at 5, I had clocked in at 4), and it was already 12 PM. Even my supervisor had left, and there were two people finishing up, so I took my leave.
The final straw came when I came home from work, exhausted as hell. I told my Father that I miraculously got through work, and that I was looking forward to the couple of days off. Instead of doing the normal "just get some rest" line, he decided this was the time to go off on a work ethic tangent. "This job sucks, and it shows you that you have to go to college to get a better job." I'll spare you the rest of the rant, but it was the fuel coming from a workaholic who was reared by a Protestant work ethic, full of the kind of "when I was nine years old, I wanted a watch that cost eight dollars, so I worked hard fixing bicycles for three months to get enough" anecdotes.
Naturally, I was infuriated about what he said, but as I started to rest it dawned on me: this was coming from a man who is currently out of work. He has spent his whole life in the Job Racket, working from one person to another. Even though he makes six digits a year now, he's gone through hell and back in a system that is cold and uncaring. He might have a salary, but he never made the slightest passive income. I also started to realize something very distasteful to my sometimes cynical robot thoughts - a lot of people would be better off running their own damn business. They may not make as much income, but their talents can be better used to create real fucking value for people on their own terms, not corporations disguising themselves as people.
I then remembered about a year ago actually sitting down and learning how to actually read Nietzsche for the first time, from a Philosopher who was offering free group discussions that specialized in his field. Like many people who read Nietzsche in High School, I didn't understand the exact nature of what he meant by Nihilism. The more I studied with Todd, the more I realized: it's the will to Nihilism, the processing of foods and the switch from the times of agriculture (where people actually churned their own damn butter and made their living by their yield, not their hours of work) to a time of industry and technology with little meaningful return.
I woke up again, and soaked in the reality that I was living this will to Nihilism by giving up even an hour to working for a major corporation. The Aha! Moment shortly came when I woke up; QUITTING MY JOB WOULD DO NOTHING UNLESS I ETERNALLY RESIGNED FROM THE JOB RACKET AS WELL.
Just because I was willing to endure hours of psychological distress did NOT mean it was good for me. I had realized this intellectually years ago (again, rants from five years ago on here), but I didn't take firm conviction into it until I really "paid my dues", not unlike the poor fools who meditate for years on end to achieve "enlightenment" due to unrealized false modesty. But the great liberation was that I didn't need to quit my job, and subsequently the job racket, because I was incapable of psychologically doing it: it was that I had a sense of purpose, confidence, and self-respect which said "I have better things to be doing for the world by not having a damn job."
I phoned in sick, and then the next day turned in my name badge. I resigned. Most people can empathize with the idea of quitting a position in wage slavery, but it's the inner freedom that really makes this work. Now begins a path of pursuing website building and small level passive income ideas which will work me to something where I can create value for others and myself in a balanced way (just as with my method of seeing the good and bad without focusing on one or the other too much.) And you know what? I'm fucking DANDY with this.
It's already harder work than I had anticipated in the giddy energy of leaving my job, but I'm back to having inner accomplishment, well being, and a sense of confident, playful engagement with what I'm doing instead of creating value for a company who's profiting more off of me than me and the company equally. If I fail, I will fail, but instead of being scared about getting 'written up' and being one step closer to losing my income stream, I'm able to look at my failures without such insane anxiety. I will have failed at making income, but I will have failed trying to find some way to benefit others and myself in a mutual way.
I wanted to provide a proper anecdote in the hopes you might get some benefit from it. If you can't psychologically handle the drudgery of work, it's totally fine! It does not guarantee you're neurotic or any of that bullshit. There's nothing to be proud of about making shit wages doing what you hate, and if you feel you can find a way to do something more beneficial for yourself and others, remember that you are probably capable. The job racket has never been different from the extortion racket except the values: The job racket extorts your time for a little piece of the pie (mostly false security), and the 'illegal' racket extorts your money for a little piece of the pie (mostly false security). Peace.
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