Vent - Isolation

[Ky]

I'm surrounded by people, and I'm not lonely. God's always watching, of course, but there's also my present-even-when-absent parents, all the people at my school, and everyone I type to online. There are plenty of people to converse with, and all I have to do is take my pick.

I still feel isolated.

Many of the things I've said have been rendered incomprehensible to many people who have taken the time to listen to me. I ramble, I mumble, and I don't do a good job of explaining things accurately, vividly, or concisely. I suck at communication in general, and am sort of playing catch-up in acquiring social skills I'm already supposed to have. My intellect has only served as a roadblock, and with all the knowledge I collect, I grow more distant from everyone who has not collected it. Furthermore, the things I refuse to learn or are out of my range separate me from those few in the intellectual tiers above me, and that's even more saddening because those would likely be the only people that could actually understand almost everything I say.

Well, I might as well give you my life's story.

Even when I was a kid, I was weird. Before I'd ever even gone to school, I wrote things down, organized things, and kept my brain active. I would mimic adults because they were my only source of worthwhile conversation, and in so doing I'd pretend to fill out tax forms or something like that. Like I said, I was weird.

I spent my first three years of elementary school in this private school for some crazy denomination of Christianity that I didn't necessarily agree with. I barely learned anything there - most of my enjoyment came not from completing my assignments faster than any of my teachers had ever seen, but from helping other students with theirs. I became a go-to guy for knowledge, and actually managed to form a few worthwhile social bonds as though I were somewhat normal. One or two kids may have gotten pretty defensive about their smarts, but all-in-all I was placed in a friendly crowd.

People thought I should have skipped a grade, if I remember correctly. When the time came for any decision to be made on that, I think, when the answers were "Yes" or "No", my parents chose "Move". My parents bought a house on the west side and I started attending a public school in one of, if not the best school districts in the state.

My classes were challenging, sure, but my enthusiasm for this challenge perplexed many of my teachers. One of my teachers let me work three units ahead in math and offered some one-on-one time for going over my work. In terms of actual IQ, I had high a number enough (though barely) to get into this gifted program thing - they'd pull me out of class and give me something creative to work on. Catching up work in class upon coming back was a piece of cake.

By the time elementary school was finished, I absolutely adored school. I was pleased that they'd take so many steps to conform to me, and I didn't have to work all that hard to conform to them. I enjoyed being seen by others as the genius. Learning long division and working on writing short stories was thrilling and fun. I felt like the luckiest kid alive, despite running into a few defensive bullies on account of my obliviousness to their struggles.

Middle school is when they stopped throwing exceptions. As soon as things got challenging, suddenly teachers didn't feel like holding my hand as I ascended into new levels of learning. I was slowing down, and my intellect was slowly being ignored. I was exposed to a crippling workload right away in sixth grade like I had never experienced before. They kept renaming the gifted program into something that would give people the impression that the smart people were no better than those who weren't. Damn political correctness.

My enthusiasm fell as my grades started to. I joined a math-related extracurricular in sixth grade and never joined it again. While I still participate in a few math contests, that's only to relive the joy of the kind of math that makes logical sense. I suddenly preferred goofing off to doing anything because learning was no longer enjoyable. Learning became work.

Things got progressively worse in high school. I kept getting told that I had no work ethic, and that I needed to work harder to succeed. As my grades slipped, people started seeing me as more of a burnout that a genius. Unfortunately, I was still isolated, misunderstood by everyone.

It was right around eight months ago that I came to a stunning realization. I'd been baited and switched by the public school system, and realized that despite not offering my consent to be in the building anymore, I had no say - I was not permitted to leave during certain hours. "Gee," I thought. "During those hours, school sure is a prison."

Aaaannnndddd the rest is more recent history. I figured out school is prison, I started a blog, started telling people, and started having more Eureka moments. I went from loving school to hating it because they tried to turn my beloved education into something I had to work for rather than something to enjoy.

I still love learning. I absorb knowledge. New ideas are what keep me going. Not everybody feels this way (and that is likely the best claim pro-schoolers have for maintaining the status quo), and that's why I'm isolated.

I'm not sure what I'm doing here more - bragging about how smart I am, or begging for attention. What I can say is, the majority of all attention I've received can be summed up in one word: "Huh?"

Do you guys feel isolated?

[SomeRandomHuman]

Yes, I do feel isolated. In early elementary school, my life was okay. The idiot did sometimes kick me and stuff like that, but rarely, usually only once a day. I liked school up to sefond grade. Nobody had formed gangs, discoverd drugs, and there were no letter grades. The teachers were nice and helpful. This began to change in third grade, when they started to give letter grades. The teacher cut us all some slack, and for the whole of third grade gave everybody all A's on report cards. That raised the idiots expectations sky high. The work in third grade was easy enough. And I even had a friend! But in fourth grade, the teacher didnt give instant A's. I was getting D's and F's. That was when the idiot began tieing me to things to beat me up. And wrestling me to the ground. All my attempts to fight back were pathetic, I was really small for my age. The work got really bad, we were getting essays and lots
of tests. There were bullies, but no druggies and gangs yet. My friend decided to ditch me because I was too "wierd". Whenever I tryed to tell anybody about the idiot, they laughed and called me a retard. Witch made me belive it was normal and not get the po po for a while. Middle school was a rude awakening for me. I enterd and immideatly saw huge gangs and every drug, marajuana, crack, heroine could be found in the bathroom. I was stuffed into a locker the first day. The schoolwork was ridiculouse. It was overwhelming. And teaxhers emailed the idiot whenever I didnt do my homework. She began not only tieing me to things and tacking me, but throwing heavy sruff, like the crock pot at me. And punching my face and grabbing my arms and legs while I am tied and trying to snap them in half. At school, I was shoves into numerous things, such as a dumpster. Seventh grade just got worse, more work and teachers calling me every bad word in existence, more beating, ect. But the idiot then began tieing me up and makeing me eat that stuff that is put into sink drains to clean them. As you can guess, that made me sick, and I was throwing up all the time. That causee issues at school, teachers were mad that I always ren to the bathroom. Eigth grade, where I am now got better. The idiot broke my ankle and tore my achilles tendon, I walkes on it a few days, I got her shoved in the slammer and now I have a huge cast on it. I feel really isolated because the friend I made a few months ago ditched me, and I live all by myself. And nobody at school helps me when I am shoved into something.

[AtheistLGBTQAnarchist]

O.k, first if drugs and gangs were everywhere you could of found and grabbed a gun at some point,second MOVE OUT OF DETROIT! Are parents actually a huge extension of unnecessary stress at school. Which came first, the parent, school, or government.

[SomeRandomHuman]

(10-06-2012 10:48 PM)MentalAnarchist Wrote:  O.k, first if drugs and gangs were everywhere you could of found and grabbed a gun at some point,second MOVE OUT OF DETROIT! Are parents actually a huge extension of unnecessary stress at school. Which came first, the parent, school, or government.

I couldve gotten a gun whenever I wanted one. I just really didnt want one. I dont want to shoot anybody. Although sometimes people shoot others, it only happens a few times a year in my town.

[Esdoorn]

Of course, sometimes I feel isolated. Most people do anyway. I think what really helps for me is just talking about it. It's hard sometimes, but it really helps and getting it off my chest always feels nice. I pretty much feel the same way about school. Like I'm wasting my time trying to get a passing grade. I've had French for four years now, and I still don't speak a single word. When is my real life going to start?

[Ky]

Okay, so that's a "yes" on feeling isolated.

[Esdoorn]

Yeah.

[SoulRiser]

Back when I was at school I used to feel very isolated, much like you describe. So I kind of avoided people (I was also really shy, and got bullied a lot). Nobody understood me.

I found a bunch of computer geeks later on (after school) who turned out to be really smart too, and I don't feel isolated anymore. Even if they're far away and I don't see them often, it's still nice to know that they exist and I can talk to them, and they can understand a lot of the stuff I say. Some understand certain things more than others do, but I guess that applies to everyone. So yeah... it gets better I guess.

[PlagueMeister]

I'm very isolated. I mean, I have friends in school, but none of them have ever come to know me as myself, y'know?
The only person that I can be myself with is my best friend who lives hours away from me, so I hardly ever see him.
It's not as if I don't try and put myself out there, but most of the time, I just end up in my room or out by myself because I don't want to deal with immature bullshit.

[IamNoone]

Trust me when I say you are not truly a genius. Reaching the point of truly being a genius is almost impossible. I knew someone who was, once. They got all D's in school, but then they created this amazing mod for the iPhone in their free time and got called up by MIT.
Do you know your IQ?
If you can find it, genius level is about 140 to 150

[AtheistLGBTQAnarchist]

My IQ is about 500. Is that good or bad because I really don't care about biased IQ test.

[GreenLamp]

I have always felt isolated. From kindergarten to second grade kids would always call me "weird". Then they got mature so they stopped calling me things. I never took it as an insult, in fact for some reason I would say thank you. I used to play with insects a lot because I never had a pet when I was young. I would run around and pick up worms and mix up sugary water for ants. I also had poor social skills, and I was very shy and quiet. Ever since school started I have been very shy.

I was also extremely concerned with life threatening problems. Everything was a hazard to me; life was extremely important. If I touched mold on bread, I would cry and wash my hands several times. I would think about things that could happen to my parents, and what it would feel like if they died. Lead was especially frightening; I would never touch fishing weights. I used to have nightmares about the death of me or loved ones. I have one surprisingly vivid memory from when I was four. I was playing with toys when I suddenly stopped and imagined a scene where my family and I were in a burning building. We were running and screaming and I forget who, but someone tripped and fell. Sometimes, while watching TV, I would randomly burst out in tears at the thought of premature death.

Even now I feel different. I feel like I live in a world different from that of my fellow students... hard to explain. They show little interest in world problems, and even when I told a few about the hidden purpose of schooling they simply did not care. I have friends, but still feel lonely. I have one good one, and she doesn't have many classes with me.

[AtheistLGBTQAnarchist]

As a person mature for my age I can easily imagine people thinking "wow this kid is weird" but people never say it to my face because I have a history of punching faces. Getting all A's doesn't mean you can't use violence. This is going to be the first year I get a B in anything and I can tell. Our Turkish teacher gives us work with nearly no explanation of how to do it an therefore Turkish is my lowest grade. I need my grade to go up fast. I have no time to listen to my parents, especially my dad talking about my grades suddenly dropping when I have to juggle 7 or more classes at once. WHY DID I MAKE MY EXPECTATIONS SO HIGH!

[SomeRandomHuman]

B IS NOT BAD. If I got something that high there would be a frantic grade book check to see what mistake they made. So many peoe fail here that they dont bother hold anyone back. When they held people back witch was before I was born, 75% were held back, no joke. B IS AN EXCELLENT GRADE! DONT LET THE BRAINWASHING GET TO YOU!!!!!!! ANYTHING D- OR ABOVE IS EXCELLENT!!!!!!!

[Ky]

Anything below D- is even better. ^_^

[SomeRandomHuman]

(10-07-2012 12:42 PM)DoA Wrote:  Anything below D- is even better. ^_^

Thats a good point.

[AtheistLGBTQAnarchist]

The brainwashing never will and I think at late nights I'll type on my ps vita. For my parents who get all A's though.

[McGee!]

(10-07-2012 12:58 PM)SomeRandomHuman Wrote:  

(10-07-2012 12:42 PM)DoA Wrote:  Anything below D- is even better. ^_^

Thats a good point.

For me, isolation seems to start with realizing that there is more than just sarcasm in the old "F is for fantastic" joke...

Less so when F stands for "fun" or "fuck", though.