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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Graduation pictures went well, but...(warning, long post)
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kelby393 Offline
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Post: #1
Graduation pictures went well, but...(warning, long post)

My mom's throwing a fit because I "dont care enough". Yes, she's a brainwashee that thinks school's actually worth something. She really thinks a diploma, aka a piece of paper congratulating you for obeying everything without question, is really worth 12 years of hell. I'm not even proud to graduate from this prison, so I dont even want to show it by getting a bunch of pictures, a bunch of stoles and shit, etc. I just get the minimum stuff like the cap and gown and announcements.
   I only agreed to the pictures for the sake of not pissing my parents off. I didnt even wanna cut my hair! (honestly, it looks fine, i told them!!) but mom and dad are just like "Are you sure?? Are you sureee??" fifty fucking times!!! Leave me the fuck alone, it's MY pictures!! Finally, i just gave in and got some bangs and layers just to get them off my back. I'm not the type to do my hair a lot, to me its a hassle.
   And today, we went and got the haircut and then we went to the pictures. I picked two good quality outfits for the pics, dressy and casual - to me and the photographer both were great. For the casual I wanted to wear the same shoes I wore that whole day, but mom stopped me and said "no, those look too old and dirty!" she just said it casually, kind of laughing, you know. So it was okay (so i thought), i put on the dressy shoes which matched the casual outfit anyway and the pictures went fine. Then ANOTHER thing came up with me forgetting to wear my class ring for the cap and gown pics. Nobody thought to bring it, and i didnt think of it either. And, well, my sister didnt wear her ring to her pictures either. No big deal, really. I just took the pics anyway.
   But the way Mom threw a fit over it pissed me off so much that after we were done and were going home, I just snapped at her "Mom why didnt you tell me to bring the ring?!"
   And that's when Mom's bitch fest started. Basically, it was "You're so insane, you dont even care about this! Those pictures are $500 [for fucking pictures????] and you dont even care!! You wanted to wear those ugly ass shoes and then you dont even try to lose a few pounds [lol yeah im chubby but there are other big girls that took grad pics and looked awesome] and that casual shirt was way too casual and youre just like your damn sister, you people are insane! We had to force you to get a haircut and if you wanna drive that new car of yours you better prove you're trying to be healthy!!"

LOL WUT?! it's my car, you bitch, and I'll drive it if I want to and am able to. It's my property now! And you bought a $40,000 BMW which just sits in the garage about 90% of the time while you use the Avalanche a lot. That's responsible.
    And school, with its 8 hour daily slavery, leaves me not the time nor the energy to work out. I just wanna relax! I did try two years ago as a sophomore, but i just got fucking sick and tired of having that fucking time crunch, coupled with the fact that i gain weight way too easily so i had to eat <700 calories daily and work out on Dance Dance Revolution for thirty minutes at 5.30 am and somewhere in 6-10 pm at night, to burn off that 700 and more to lose weight. I live out in the country, so i have to get up that early, and then the bus ride is an hour and a half to and from school, everyday, and so i get on the bus after school at 4 and ride and get home at around 6. Two hours of my life wasted on a bus everyday, isnt that delightful? I'll try to lose weight when school is finally off my shoulders (im not going to college, ever.)
   And me wanting to wear "those ugly ass shoes" doesnt necessarily mean that i dont care - I didnt even notice those shoes much (i just put them on and dont even look at them and it's not like they're not ripping apart or anything! They just have a little wear and dirt at the tips, but thats all), UNTIL mom pointed out to me that they were dirty and THEN i realized she was right after i looked at them and i changed my mind! I wore better shoes at least!!! You shouldnt have made such a huge hissy fit about that!!!
   And you insisted "it's your pictures." Yeah it is my pictures, but YOU forced me to get a haircut even though I knew my hair was just fine, and YOU bitched at me about the shoes, ring, and casual shirt, when they were no fucking deal and then YOU forced me to take pictures at all!!!!! I dont know why i ever agreed to this!!!!!! These arent even "MY" pictures anymore, these are just YOUR interpretations of what MY picture should look like!

*huff* okay, i'm done here. Sorry but i just wanted to vent it all.
05-18-2012 10:24 AM
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kelby393 Offline
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Posts: 181
Joined: Feb 2012
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Given 3 thank(s) in 2 post(s)
Post: #2
RE: Graduation pictures went well, but...(warning, long post)

ZOMG and i just noticed a dried spot of blood on my leg (from a shaving cut since i shaved my legs yesterday) and then that day was so busy i forgot to scrub it off before the pictures!! I wonder if it shows in the lie-on-the-side pictures now?? Fuuuuuck, i hope the photographer notices it and cleans it off. I hope he can!!! That's another reason for my mom to bitch at me now!!!
05-18-2012 10:31 AM
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