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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.


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So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it
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aCol Offline
Distiller of hate

Posts: 1,121
Joined: Dec 2011
Thanks: 4
Given 20 thank(s) in 14 post(s)
Post: #9
RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it

I've got one month to go. It's a fucking trip through hell at the moment. I've got a few tests now, then in a month the graduation tests. Really hard as fuck stuff. The first time I really play with the thought of studying on substances.

I hope you can go through your one year better than me. You have every reason to hate school, and when you hate it, without knowing why, something is wrong. Not with you. With the school. Just put some thought threw it.
What motivates you? You've got to find that yourself. School will not necessarily help you with that.
My friend draws for fun in lessons, and his drawings are getting better every boring lesson. I've asked him to design me a cigarette pack, and he did. It's good.
Two others love cars / motocycles. They work on them hard. They both know, like I, how to use a soldering iron. It's nothing you learn in school. I like alcohol (making it, and drinking), and making tobacco, so I do. Just find what you like, it helps to endure that shitty place. When you can think about it while boring lessons, it keeps your sanity.

I had the problem with my parents too. Lucky me, they came to reason. Problem is, here in germany, they have to ensure that you got to school...I had the police stand before my door once, I don't want it twice. God knows what I'd do with them.

Antidepressants, I don't know if they will work. Might just be "cure the Symptoms". I'm no doctor however, so I can't really tell. However, don't try the same as I did, and just drink your problems away, they'll be back the next day, possibly with a massive hangover.

We'll see if you'll endure it.



05-03-2012 03:13 AM
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RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - aCol - 05-03-2012 03:13 AM

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