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So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it
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The Shadowman Offline
Kane lives!

Posts: 278
Joined: Dec 2011
Thanks: 3
Given 11 thank(s) in 7 post(s)
Post: #5
RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it

(04-24-2012 10:24 PM)Routine Wrote:  Hi guys. I've found SS back in middle school, now I'm nearly at the end of my second year of high school. I'm not expecting any solution to my problems to be brought up, but hey, ranting will make me feel a little better, if only temporarily.

So yep, I first started skipping classes back in middle school (before that I would go every single day like a clockwork and I would even THINK of missing class). But this year my parents finally found out about it (a grand total of almost a month skipped during the first semester? yeaaaah), which landed me at a psychologist and then at an appointment with a psychiatrist. So I've been diagnosed with depression and put on ADs.

I have a year left until I graduate, but as much as I tried to just grit my teeth and get through it, I can't. Everyone thinks I have it in me to endure a year more of school, but I. Don't. I have no willpower, I'm lazy, I'm weak, yeah, I know. Why did I bold that? Because that's the only advice other people can give me. One I can't even put to use. Thing is, I live in Poland where we don't have GEDs, online schools are only for legal adults (and since I was born in December, I'm not one yet) and homeschooling isn't an option. So I'm basically stuck at school no matter what. At the same time, I'd really like to go to university, not even exactly for the usual reasons, but more because for me it's a ticket to travel to my dream country.

I'm a sad, pathetic person. If not even my dreams will motivate me, then what will? I'm sick of being myself, really. Sure, there are fun times in life, but most of it is a drudgery. And if I don't have the energy to change it, then I might as well not live at all.

My anger at school is probably unjustified, yes. Yes, as my psychologist said it, it's me who's making it hard by maintaining this view of school. I keep getting told that high school is the best time of your life and that it only gets worse afterwards. So if I already can't stand it, then I have little hope that I'll be able to live in the society.

Kudos to anyone who went through this entire pity-party. I'd like at least my parents to support me a little, but obviously they don't. I mean, sure, it could've been worse. But I'm still afraid. I don't care if they ground me, take away the computer or other stuff, I'm just scared of what they might say to me, since I didn't go to school again today.
Dzjiendobry. I am half Polish myself, so I know a bit of Polish. You know what, fuck that psychiatrist. He obviously doesn't know that it can only get better after high school. Anyway, just keep soldiering on. It's only one year, and after that you'll be free at last. Just keep that thought in your head, and the year will seem to pass by more quickly.

The best bloody cover song I have ever heard in my entire life, period:
04-25-2012 05:52 AM
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RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - The Shadowman - 04-25-2012 05:52 AM

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