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August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. Send me a message if you'd like to keep in touch with me & Steve.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


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Sci's Dream Log
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scientistB Offline
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Posts: 171
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Post: #31
Sci's Dream Log

Dream Log Entry #15:

The dream began with myself and a small group of people standing in the center of Antarctica. The icy wind was loud and chilling, but we had these devices on the front of our suits that radiated heat, making the cold nothing short of a small distraction. The leaders of the group put on goggles over their eyes, and held a mouthpiece to their teeth, which connected to oxygen tanks on their backs. We followed their lead and did the same. We all jumped, one by one, into a hole in the thick ice which was filled with freezing water.

The water was a light blue, probably from being so pure. Again, we kept ourselves warm with the heat radiators. At first, we followed each other in a line through the frozen underwater caves, which shined brilliantly with a shimmering pale blue and white. Eventually we're led into a crevice in the ice, which opened like an ancient stone chute. Inside was an artificial square chamber with multiple openings to other areas. Mysterious markings were inscribed around the floor, walls and ceiling.

As we traversed through more empty chambers, I was starting to lose my sense of gravity. From being under water so much, I couldn't tell which side of the room was the floor. I suppose that's a natural occurrence to being at the south pole. Regardless, I continued to follow everyone else through the stone maze. Just what was this place?

Finally we stopped at another stone doorway that opened up to reveal a long, narrow passageway that was covered in those mysterious glyphs. As we swam inside, I was feeling very claustrophobic. The fact that I was entirely submerged in water, far below the surface, didn't help either. I felt a bit scared, but I pressed on anyway.

And at last, the passage dropped into a very short, normal-sized hallway where I could actually walk and get my senses. There were lights within sight, artificial ones too. When I took a step further, I suddenly passed a water wall that was somehow a magical barrier to prevent the water from going any further. Inside this place was something I couldn't possibly imagine; a home. I was inside a small living room, with bedrooms, bathrooms and a kitchen through various doorways. The floor was a soft dark blue carpet, and the walls and doors were the same color as the beige rooms we swam through previously. I felt highly at peace here, and didn't plan on leaving any time soon.

Then I woke up.

I liked this one a lot, but probably only because it was so different than what I normally dream about. What can I say about this one that won't make it sound too cliche, though? I'm afraid of drowning; it's my least preferred way to die. So being able to be inside an underwater ruin with no air pockets would be terrifying for me. Of course, I had my oxygen tank, but still. I also had to trust people by following them through this scary place, which I could make a connection to in real life as well. The long narrow tunnel is where I started to feel fear. So once I get through the worst of it, I can finally live in peace, knowing I've accomplished something great. That's what the homely place at the end must be for.

It's another one of those "Don't give up and you'll be rewarded" kind of dreams, but I like how this one played out.

Educational Freedom Organization
My Website (old stories that'll make your eyes bleed)
My Steam
05-05-2015 05:59 AM
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scientistB Offline
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Posts: 171
Joined: Sep 2009
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Given 25 thank(s) in 10 post(s)
Post: #32
Sci's Dream Log

Surprise, let me update this with a double-feature that I had forgotten about for all these years, haha.

Dream Log Entry #16:

Last night, I dreamed about living in a small/medium sized wood house, in a small field of dead grass and patches of dirt. This place seemed to have features of different eras of time, such as the very old tools used by factories of the 20th century, and a worn-down bed with raggedy sheets and a frame that could give you splinters. But toward the wall of my workshop, I had a computer; a large, bulky, beige machine that belonged in the 90s. Most of the house was like a toolhouse where I worked on handcrafted projects of wood and metal. The bedroom was small and had a large window in the back. But the best part of the house was the large steel hangar on the roof that could only be accessed by a rickety wooden ladder from inside the workshop. This was where I was working on my most important creation yet.

I was constructing an airplane. The reason behind this was because I wanted to travel somewhere; a place where I could not reach on my own. By looking outside my bedroom window, I could see a massive snowy mountain across a vast freezing ocean of navy blue water. The island was so far away, yet it beckoned to me with a promise of hope, prosperity and happiness. I wanted to be over there, and I was willing to leave behind everything I had worked for in my current location.

In this dream, I woke up one morning on my slightly uncomfortable bed, but at this point, after living here for so many bitter years, I had gotten used to it. I would be thankful to simply be able to sleep in my bed. I wasn't sure of the form I took on in this dream; either I was physically older but still hung on to my younger self's dreams, or I was my current age but I had mentally aged a lot through my past experiences. Either way, I looked out the window and stared at the faraway mountain, just barely visible through the shining sun that illuminated the entire house with its warm yellow glow. Today was the big day. My airplane was in its final stage of development, and only needed a few checks and tweaks before it was fully prepared to take flight.

Before I went up to the hangar, I made my way through the workshop which was littered in spare parts, tools and other appliances, and sat down at my desk to do my daily communicating with my friends through my computer. It was a very old machine anyway, and there was no way it could run any games. I remember telling my friends, "I'll be there soon."

Night fell before I knew it. There were no lights in the house, other than the small lamp I kept at my desk that barely lit up half the workshop. However, the moon, which was absolutely massive tonight, was giving me enough light to see; it softly washed its gentle pale-blue light over the rest of the house, the illumination visible as if it were a glowing ghostly curtain waving in a gentle nonexistent wind. It seems like most of my windows were facing the north for this very reason. The stars were twinkling as well, causing the peak of the mountain to almost glisten in the moonlight.

I was about to head up the ladder when a movement catches my eye. I turn my head and see a very small person walk out from behind the corner of my desk, followed by a few more. Small is an understatement; they were like little figurines, only they were people. Strange, magical people. I bent down and looked at them as the one in front spoke. "We're here to help. You can't do this without us." I nodded, understanding, and allowed them to follow me as I put my worn-out hands to the sides of the ladder and climbed up, the rungs making a slight creak for each step I took.

When I finally reached the hangar, I smiled and marveled at the airplane I had finished building at long last. It was a small bi-plane, with just enough room for one person. It obviously didn't look so fancy, so there was no paint or special designs. Just a plain beige plane that was meant to do its job just once. I walked over to the front gate of the hangar and turned it on, raising it up to allow the moon to shine through once more. A chill ran through me; this was it. I was finally ready to leave this place and start a new life elsewhere.

I climbed into the seat of the airplane, watching as the tiny people climbed aboard as well. Some held on to the wings, while another held on to the tail, and another sat behind the propellers. Another few held onto the bars just above the three wheels. When I was finally ready, I took a deep breath and started the ignition, hearing the sputtering of the engine and a vibration of the whole plane, before they smoothed out and sounded like they were in perfect working condition. The propellers began to spin. I pulled my goggles over my eyes. My foot pressed a pedal and my hands braced the steering handles as I drove the plane forward, gaining altitude and lifting up into the sky.

The chilling air was hitting my face, and my mouth hung open in awe; my plan worked. I was piloting a plane across the ocean to reach my destination. The tiny people still held on; it seemed like they were somehow keeping the plane afloat in the air through unnatural means. Then I saw it; far above the colossal moon was a waving banner of the northern lights. A spectacular display of a dancing green and blue light high up into the atmosphere. I noticed that all the stars were glittering in multiple colors, putting on a beautiful light show, almost welcoming me to the heavens in which they resided. Around the plane, little green light ribbons were gently waving around my little passengers, perhaps giving them the power they needed. Maybe these were little angels sent from above to ensure a safe trip for me.

The moon seemed to expand, the closer I approached my destination. So large in fact, that the moon took up nearly a fourth of the entire sky, nothing but a massive white disc that reflected almost perfectly off the surface of the cold sea. As I stared at its reflection, I also saw a small dark triangle appear in front of it. It was the reflection of the snowy island. At last I could see it perfectly; a rocky mountain face topped with snow towards its peak, seeming to reach otherworldly heights with its mystical shape. There was a ledge right next to the peak, an area just large enough for me to safely land. I had the most satisfied grin on my face as I prepared for landing.

Then I woke up.

There's no surprise here with this one. I'm unhappy with my current life and wish to move far away to Canada. But in order to do that, I needed to work with what I had, which is also accurate in my current life right now. I rely on friends for many things. I know I cannot do this alone and will need the help of others; friends, angels. I really love how pretty the sky was in this dream, and I feel awful that I can't show you the beauty of what I saw. And of course, I adored the feeling of piloting an airplane of my very own, soaring through the sky like a free bird. Perhaps that's something I want to do in the future if that's what my heart says. I highly appreciate dreams like these.

Dream Log Entry #17:

Today’s dream took place while I was having a short nap this afternoon. I recall being driven somewhere far away by some family members. Apparently we were heading to a launch pad to go to the moon. I could see, by looking up at the bright night sky from the car window, that the moon was clearly visible, and already beginning to show signs of human life on the surface. We were somewhere in a cold place, judging by the large icy bodies of water surrounding the unstable road.

Unfortunately, my family got into an argument, and the car veered off the road and plummeted into the arctic water. Frigid temperatures overwhelmed me instantly, but I managed to release myself from the vehicle before it sank too deep. I did my best to catch hold of some ice that I could at least use to catch my breath. But as I tried to climb the ice, it shattered beneath me, dropping me again into the water.

I was having trouble generating enough heat to move my arms and legs; it took all my energy just to stay afloat. As I begin to sink, something large pushes me up so I could breathe again. I look down; it’s a beluga. For whatever reason though, this beluga had a dorsal fin, which they’re not supposed to have. It was the only thing I could remotely hold onto with all my remaining strength, so I was thankful it was there. The beluga led me back to the main land, where I slowly climbed ashore and laid on the frozen ground.

I must have passed out, because when I next opened my eyes, I found myself in a warm hospital bed. I felt fine, although I was clearly very frail and could not feel my legs. Without really thinking, I asked for a laptop and headphones. I realized that I was in the general area of some friends that I wanted to see, and I wanted to ask them if they would be able to visit me before I go to the moon.

Using this laptop, I slowly accessed Skype with my numb fingers and entered a group call. At first, my friends didn’t realize I was there; it took me a few seconds to realize my mic was muted. So I fixed that. My friends seemed happy to hear from me. I began to tell them the news. “Hey guys…”

Then I woke up.
Rudely, to the sound of Steam messages.

The north; a general area I’ve always wanted to travel to. I’ve always wanted to go into space too, but I always found it to be rather frightening considering what can go wrong. And yes, I have played To The Moon, but it’s been a long while since I have. Although, that game’s story really does stick with me.

It’s not uncommon in life that you’ll be making progress to your goal when something utterly stupid happens. Sometimes, you just can’t get back up, unless you have help from your friends. Not only did I believe this beluga was supposed to be a friend, its dorsal fin reminded me that you can find help and friendship in unlikely places. You wouldn’t expect certain people to have that dorsal fin that could mean all the difference.

I rarely felt the cold in this dream, but at the same time I knew my body was threatening to shut down on me. Similarly, I will always try to convince myself that there is nothing wrong, even if something is very obviously taking a toll on me. I’ve been through worse, I’ll say to myself.

And again, I will take any opportunity I can to see the people I care about. No matter how much damage I take, that is one of my largest goals and I will stop at nothing to reach it. I’ll make it to that moon one day. Even if I'm the only one left alive.

Educational Freedom Organization
My Website (old stories that'll make your eyes bleed)
My Steam
(This post was last modified: 04-15-2017 08:32 PM by scientistB.)
04-15-2017 08:31 PM
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