Growing old is getting old.

[Mælstrom]

To start off this sententious, silly thread, I'd like to sing a song about my pup-pup Tip-toe. He died from getting eaten by a nude homeless woman who was part of Occupy Cincinnati.

"Tip-toe, Tip-Toe,
I miss my Tip-Toe!
He go wherever I goooo!
I miss my Tip-Toe!"

"He goes ruff-ruff-ruff! He goes ruff-raf-ruff!"

Praise be to Hosanna.

[Mælstrom]

Now that that drunken rambling has been posted, I'm going to start using this thing in an honest and slightly more mature way. No more shewishide threads.

Anywhoo, I had a pretty good day today. Went to my grandma's with my parents, and indulged in the best blueberry muffins and croissants that I've ever tasted. I lied about completing my dramatic monologue on the musical Cats for my English class, but completing something so simply idiotic isn't important to me anymore. After that, I played Skyrim and Dota, and practiced some parkour with my friends in the ghetto. Awesome day, best one I've had in months.

[Mælstrom]

Another month, nearly gone and passed, as quickly as a fly buzzes by your head. Did I actually do anything worthwhile this month? The highlight of the month was seeing the movie Chronicle. That's right, folks. A fucking movie.

I'll never have the courage to commit suicide in my present state, but what's been happening ever since I turned 8 is worse than death itself:deterioration. Decomposition of the body from lack of exercise and a poor diet, the ever-encroaching tendrils of insanity from alienation, loneliness and social anxiety. And finally, the torture of the spirit, from my peers, and my conceited self. I want to go to the void, to escape myself and my stupidity, but I'll never do it.

Does this life really have much to offer? The Parkinson's wakes me up every morning in a heave of discomfort and vibrations, each a lurching twitch of my appendages. What's next? Cereal, shower, rush to school bus. Blare out the sound of guidos on the bus through music, then enjoy my day of impartial social interactions with peers in the most awkwardest ways imaginable.

I know that this is terribly written, depressing, whiny and self-piteous, but if you've made it this far, then I congratulate your kindness and patience.

These people that call themselves my friends.... do they not know anything? The uncomfortable conversations, the pretentiousness they impose onto everyone, the passive aggressiveness they emenate, like sparks off of a Faraday cage? I need to burn bridges with them, or else my social circle will be limited to those smug emotional vampires.

I'm probably causing most of my own problems here, which I'm going to address in tomorrow's post. Now, off into the comforting solace of the dream world, the only place I am truly free anymore. Once I'm done this TL/DR confession, I'll edit it in the case that any of you want to get to know who I am in a better sense.

Have a good night, afternoon, or morning, depending on where you are in this pristine globe where all of us shall come into, pass through, and return to. Thanks for reading.

[SaintVicious]

Holy shit nigger stop being so fucking emo and make some god dam friends.

[Luizao876]

^ What Vicious said

Well, , try joggin in the park on saturdays to relax, or talk with someone that understands you (if there's even this someone), and if you have a dog, walk with him.

About the friend's thing, try to talk to them about school (If you didn't do that already), or try to talk about something controversial. That would be fun, as longs nobody are yelling at each other and arguing.

[Mælstrom]

SV, I'm starting to agree with what zagix thought about you. You think it's fucking easy to make friends when you have schizophrenia? Anorexia? And there is a CLEARLY set difference between emos and people with actual depression. I can't see anything positive, because of how I've viewed things for more than a decade. I know that nothing will change unless I take initiative, but I have no courage or motivation. Yes, it's pathetic, but I never grew up.

Luiz, I might try to start exercising soon. Thanks.

[bulgarianlion]

I blow off steam at porn sites

[SaintVicious]

(02-29-2012 06:24 AM)Harbinger Wrote:  SV, I'm starting to agree with what zagix thought about you. You think it's fucking easy to make friends when you have schizophrenia? Anorexia? And there is a CLEARLY set difference between emos and people with actual depression. I can't see anything positive, because of how I've viewed things for more than a decade. I know that nothing will change unless I take initiative, but I have no courage or motivation. Yes, it's pathetic, but I never grew up.

Luiz, I might try to start exercising soon. Thanks.

Do you want some advil too?
Anorexia is a eating disorder, not a social disorder. being a shizcho on the other hand is something you need to learn to deal with, you got dealt a shitty hand.
But what do you want? Solutions? Or pity?

[Mælstrom]

I'm sorry... I guess it's attention whorishness. I'm going to try and find myself for a few months, and I'm just whining about everything. I'll close down my account, so I guess I'll see you guys later. Maybe the journey will make me mature. All right then, goodbye. I'm sorry that we had to depart on a bad note.

[SaintVicious]

Its not a bad note thats why you come here, but don't reject solutions don't be old night artist. Thats when its a problem is when you dont accept solutions

[Stadium]

Everytime we offend him it's, ok goodbye.

[Mælstrom]

That's why I included pathetic in my self-hating whine. I need to gain tolerance. Essentially, as many 4channers say, you guys russled my jimmies. But in a good way.

[Mælstrom]

Back on topic now.

[Mælstrom]

Ate some Gorilla Munch. Showered in freezing water, to keep the thinning hair from going lank. Murmured lapses of small talk between me and my mom.

The morning commute looked promising, with the ethereal glow of pre-sunrise covering the suburbs with hues of orange, green, and lavender. Headphones have to be one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century, for
they block out the drawling whines and boasts
of the small freshmen who inhabit the schoolbus with me. Being able to experience our local star rising while listening to the atmospheric sounds of BoC and MA is wonderful.

Then, into the prison camps of education. Saw my friends, stood up against my bigoted English teacher, and got an in-school suspension for disobedience. On the plus side, I finished War and Peace in History today.

Will we ever win this struggle, against the patient hordes of those that paint us as monsters? If not, I know that I can always find solace on this forum.

[Luizao876]

Don't worry, bro. You always have SS for ya

[M3116]

Hey, I read the whole thing. I know some of it's old and all. I just had too much time on my hands is all. Would you just screw off for now, SV, because it isn't as though you're saying anything new. It isn't as though we don't all feel ill some times and anyone's any better because they don't at the present. It says Where I Blow Off Steam, don't anyone be a slag or anything.

Anyway, I get the sense that something's lacking and I think what it is is that you've lost what you have loved in this whole big mess of detail. Everything else is so, I don't know, small, and stupid, and just ordinary. You realize you're staring at nothing, don't you? You just need to see the world, I think, through whichever color you choose and stay with. Just not darkness, or it becomes even more confusing than it has been before.
So anyway, as you grow older and learn more about the universe and all what I recommend is a good laugh one of these days, and if you really wanted to know from me, get a reading from a spiritualist or something like that. Nothing else will adequately restore the way that you feel. I guarantee it, in fact. That's my advice to you. It's changed me. It will change you. Nothing else could have given me the courage to be an unimportant grain of sand. Just try it, if you try anything.
About eating disorders, I'm not posting it on the SS, but that I do understand how you feel, and what I don't think some people understand here is that it really does control and absolutely ruin every day, every thought, and almost every night, and if it's even worse for you, I feel bad for you I really do. Talk to me if you need to. Don't give up, though. Don't take the easy way to death or happiness or whatever it is you desire.
So good blog, keep writing, Adios, you know

[Mælstrom]

Thanks M3116, your kindness shines like a diamond through the fog. I'll think about trying that spiritualism, though I'm wondering: can you be spiritual but secular at the same time?

[M3116]

Si.

[Mælstrom]

Well, it's been more than a month since I last updated this, so here it goes. Thanks for reading.

I'm doing online schooling now, since my parents finally listened to what I've been telling them for years. My eyes hurt like hell at the end of each schoolday from staring at computer screens for so long, but it's totally worth it. 6 hours of work a day as compared to my original 9 hours, plus getting my drivers license has given me a ton of new freedom.

I've cut out nearly all meats from my diet, only eating venison or grouse less than twice a week. I still eat like a pig, but vegetables and nuts have been good and tasty substitutes for chocolate and nougat. I've even started exercising, doing 12k jogs and calisthenics more frequently than ever before!

However, I've become terrified of something that may seem idiotic to many: time itself. I'm afraid that when I'm dying, I'll realize that I wasted my life playing video games and doing nothing all day. I fear that I've stuck myself in a
rut that I pathetically can't get out of. Every
year, I avoid my friends, become more and
more dependent on weed and iboga, sit in my
basement and play vista, ignore my dog, and
do the same shit over and over again. I feel
that I'm wasting my life, and that I'll keep
falling back into my bad self-destructive habits
and apathy until I alienate myself from
everyone. I need to gain motivation and self-
control, but I'm too afraid to step out of my
comfort zone!

Sorry for jumping to conclusions, but would you say that I'm doomed to live in a mundane and unhappy existence that I created for myself?

[Mælstrom]

Today's turning out to be alright, so far. Dad and Mom left without telling me, so I may aswell bathe in the swamp and stay there until the fuzz get notified.

[Mælstrom]

Time to change my username on this forum.

[RammsteinFearFactory]

Maelstrom is a Radiohead album now.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kid_A

[Mælstrom]

Yes. I enjoy screaming the songs, but it sure gets awfully lonely in the CD case.