I can't take it anymore

[M3116]

I shouldn't even have to explain. I'm sure someone knows what I mean. I mean, it isn't like I'm trying to be ungrateful. I lose this whole competition of deserving sympathy and am subject to burning at the stake if I complain about my life. I get that. But what I'm saying is, I'd rather not be here at all. Not die. I mean sure, every once and a while I swear I feel like dying. Sure I do. Everyone does. But it's too much work, you know what I'm saying? Everything is so much work. I mean if you really think about it, it is. If you just ignore it, well, I guess that's the only way to make a door appear. That's when I have days like this. You know, after a holistic 20 minutes of sleep you have your work done and all but you can't go to school. You just can't. You just don't feel right for it. That's what I wish I could do. Hide under my covers every damn day there is school, or anything, really. You ever have a moment like today? Where you don't know what you're going to do, so you just stop giving a damn about who you are or the future or anything and lay in bed and then all you can turn to is wishing for time to stop, but it doesn't of course, and your desperate moment expires, and the day is gone, and you have to head back the next day like god damn clockwork and reconcile the whole situation with people who have stop their own god damn clocks every time you do something and you have to somehow compensate. And it isn't life, either. It's people. But it may just as damn well be life or death because it's just as inescapable. I know people think it is life. Oh, sure I do. Talking about winners and losers, and all, and about how life is hard and you must face it for the sake of doing so, all that stuff gym teachers say from their lawn chairs when freshmen are coughing up blood and all. Or those damn soapboxes I have to listen to in Debate, my teacher thinks he's a real hotshot because he used to be a mediator even though he's about further right than anyone in GOP. About how he wasn't thinking clearly in high school, and all, because the back of his brain was disconnected from the rest of it, which isn't true, the stupid pedant meant the frontal lobe of the pre-frontal cortex doesn't fully connect until eighteen, but it doesn't even mattter, it's not even about that. Day after day, listening to them all talk like they're writing it up for an article. English is almost as bad. I hate reading, but I have to for school. I hate writers. They must be the most conceited people in the world. I'm not kidding. That what they say, what they actually say, on a day to day basis is so god damn interesting it needs to be written down so everyone can read it. I'm surprised no one bottles their own farts while they're at it. And all those pretentious fucks who think they're monarchs because they own a thesaurus. God, I can't stand it. So I stay home. I need my days off, I really do. Don't think I don't work though. I help file criminal appeals, I don't get paid but it's what I'm here to do. I love my job and I hate this fake corporate crap. The thing is, though, I mean the reason why I'm writing this is because they don't even let me stop there. God damn high school threatened to serve me with a subpoena for truancy, because I had thirteen absences and all. You should have seen the slag who talked to me. She looked like an ogre, and knew about nothing. She made a trite attempt at her appearance, though. But she was an ogre. And that's all office staff is. Female ogres who trample over students. You should have seen her when she declared she had to confiscate some kid's headphones. That fat-assed ogre. All beaming with pride. Damn. To think they want to kick me out. I have a 3.8 grade point, too. I worked hard, on my homework and all. And it isn't even academics. They keep putting me in programs to "help with social transitions" and all. Do they ever do that to you? Spend too much time on work and you aren't "friendly" enough. I remember in fifth grade one of the slags who taught me wrote all over my report card how I didn't have any friends and all. And then another slag at that school kept trying to diagnose me with Asperger's because I still didn't make any friends. I get disgusted thinking about it, to be honest. Ever have days like those? To be honest I'm about ready to make the whole campus and everyone in it go boom. But I'd rather drop out first. What about you? What are you gonna do? Don't you just hate it?

[Stadium]

Every. Fucking. Day. Trust me a lot of us on this site know exactly what you're going through and it's complete bullshit what they do to us.

[Sharpie]

I go through the same shit every day, waking up and going through the same fucking rotine every day. Just try and find SOMETHING that brings you enjoyment and do it as much as possible no matter what it is.

[cuttlefishCuller]

You seem to be a pretty introverted person! You probably need to take some time to be by yourself and recharge your energy, instead of burning it out completely with constant social interaction.

Just do have some time to be alone.

[Mælstrom]

You just single-handedly summed up my entire opinion about school. I especially enjoyed your description about the female office workers being ogresses .Our "head librarian" has no official authority over any of the students, and yet she'll nag and nag at you if you wear a fucking sweater in the freezing hallways (because of the "important " uniform guidelines ).

In continuation of my rant, I also 100% agree hhhwith you on what you said about English jclass. I believe that it's a persons decision on how they want to speak or write a language as long as it's understandable, but when the middle-aged skeever corrects me on one spelling mistake or how I write with that smug face of hers, it makes me want to go Columbine. If the class is supposed to foster creativity and independent thought, then why do we have to read from a list of authors they find important, or get failed when we write OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CLOSE-MINDED GUIDELINES!?

Everyone but my two real friends think I'm an idiot because of my low homework completion or average score, but did they ever consider how I get so damn bored of the subjects that I can't find any motivation to complete them in the first place?!

Sorry for raging, it's good to let it out.

[Dirtbikemike]

I remember this part of my realization that school is hell in a nutshell. Except my GPA is definitely nowhere close to a 3.8. I still get mad. Really mad. If I'm feeling really strongly against school I could type up a rant 10x longer than this.

[SaintVicious]

DIDNT READ LOL; dont let life get you down fuck bitches get money or fuck dudes if thats your preference

[Mælstrom]

I know you're kidding, but I hate that fucking phrase so much, because quite a few wiggers treat it as a true philosophy.

[Wingless]

I hear you. I don't know if it helps but once I left high school and started community college, I found it was a huge breath of fresh air. Maybe I just got lucky, but I had fairly down-to-earth teachers through my first semester and laid-back peers, most of which were much older than me but a better amount were so much more mature and easy to talk to. Chose classes that I wanted to take, and got some money from FASFA to help pay for classes. Had no school on Tuesdays or Fridays, which was a massive relief too. If you have a local CC that has a fairly good reputation, look into it. It sucks waiting to get out of high school, but once you do, it's the best feeling ever (or at least it was for me).

I used to just take days off back in high school too because sometimes it would just be too much for me. All that shit work that would be piled on and on from teachers who barely understood their own subject they were teaching, the massive amounts of drama and stupid rumors/accusations among students, the sheep mentality, doing some shit and making myself look like a fool, and my brain replaying it over and over in my head, just plain having a shitty day with little sleep, etc.

[MsMailbawx]

I miss school at least once a week because it depresses me so much. The problem with this is that when I don't go to school I miss so much and then stress myself out scrambling to collect homework and worry about my grades.....and then I feel like I need another day off. It's just a viscous cycle...and I feel like such a loser compared to my parents who work hard every damn day while I stay at home and sulk. I want to go back in time to when I was little and friends were real and macaroni necklaces earned you an A +. I feel you, I really do. Hey, at least you have a good GPA....mines 2.5.....and it's not because I'm dumb, it's because I just physically can't bring myself to attend school somedays and miss too much work and basically drown in it. Ugh, best of luck to you.

[Stadium]

I wish I could miss school once a week, but the school threatens my dad with jail time so he threatens me with all kind of shit. Every morning when I wake up I consider breaking my wrist or something so I won't have to go...I can't just pretend to puke and get to stay home anymore

[M3116]

I have that exact same experience. It's weird. I used to feel alone and all. Like everyone was excited about going and seeing their friends and getting some sort of academic ego trip at the expense of their free will except me I was just lazy. How could I though, when school's the same? I'm at least glad for that.

[aCol]

I either sleep in school, or work on my own projects. Fucking teachers disturb the concentration though. Uhm...I hope this won't be in my graduation toilet paper ( I don't care actually, but it would really be strange if they write "He had average to good grades, but he always slept throughout lessons." I am really excited what they write, last year they wrote "His working manner was rational").
I know what you are talking about, it burns yourself up from time to time, right? You are fucking down some days...It's hard to deal with such stress. A pain that it is expected by fucking morons.


btw, please put in paragraphs, it's easier to read.