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Merry Christmas: Retail Employees hate all of you
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aaaaaaasd Offline
Grorious Moddu

Posts: 7,344
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Post: #1
Merry Christmas: Retail Employees hate all of you

The Dump and Go
This is when a guest decides they don't want an item so they dump it somewhere that it obviously doesn't belong. Some guests hide the item(s) behind bigger pieces of merchandise, in the hopes we won't catch them. Others dump the items at the price scanners after realizing the item that was supposed to be on sale for $20 is actually $25. Then there are the real daring guests who will leave merchandise out in the open. If you decide you don't want an item after you have taken it, then put it back. We work our asses off in order to maintain a presentable store for you. Please return the favor.

Tip: The frozen turkey does not belong next to the Playstation 3's

Sneak Peak
This is when a guest has a the sudden urge to open a piece of merchandise, and remove it from the packaging. After opening the packages guests do one of three things. They either improperly repackage it so it no longer shuts, leaves the product laying out of the box, or they successfully repackage it but forget to put in a piece. Either way you end up creating more work for us, because we have to take it to guest services, and now we lose money because we have to clearance it. All this because you decided you couldn't wait until you got home to open it. Guests can take this a step further by opening food products, snacking on it, and then leave it somewhere in bedding (or wherever). Sampling food from shelves is definitely illegal, and so is opening packaged merchandise.

Tip: Target has a 90-day return policy. I think you can see where I am taking this tip. So connect the dots.

You Should Know This
This is when a guest gets upset at an employee for not knowing the exact location of an item, or when we will be getting more in. There are over 50,000 individual items in an average Target store, don't expect us to know where every single item is. There is also no way for us to tell when we will be getting an item in. We are not told those kinds of things.

Tip: No, I do not know if we have this years calender in stock yet. Guest, "Do you know anything?" Me, "No, have a good day"

Other Annoyances
-Crying children are the best, thanks for ruining my day further with your noise.
-Thanks for loosing your child, now we get to stop everything, and help you look for him/her.
-Thanks for dropping that bottle of wine in isle B28, and not telling anyone. Surprises are always fun.
-No we do not carry frozen pizza in Electronics. Try Walmart.
-No I don't work at Target, I just walk around wearing red and khakis, a name tag, walkie, and PDA for fun. Please don't make me answer such a dumb question.
-All clearance items on clearance located at clearance end-caps have clearance labels on them. If they don't have clearance labels on them then they are not on clearance. Don't try to scam a cheaper price out of us.
-No we don't carry Toster Muffins. I don't even....

Scams and Other Bullshit
Some guests are retarded and just think it is cool to steal from Target, or any retailer for that matter. Well I am going to tell you a little bit about Target AP and why you don't want to fuck around with them. Our store has a couple hundred cameras. Yes they are always being watched, and they do record everything. Some people think the cameras are a scare tactic, and don't actually function. They do. Contrary to popular belief Target also employs people who are trained to take a guest down if they are caught shoplifting. These AP specialists wear normal clothes and will hurt you very bad. Every employee on the floor is watching for shoplifters. If you steal something from Target, and the camera catches you, your picture will be shown to all the employees. Don't come back. We do not welcome theft at our store, because every time a guest steals we lose money. If we lose money our sales goals are affected and employees loose hours. So, you thought you were just hurting corporate, and no harm done? Well your hurting hard working employees to.

Return Fraud
Lets say you buy a jacket for $50 and the next day you get a really nice idea. So you take the tag from the $50 jacket and place it on a jacket worth $15 and then return it. Congrats, you just made $35, and cost me about 4 hours worth of work. Thanks alot.

Bob walks in talking on the phone, and grabs a cart. Then he walks casually over to the PS3's and puts one in his cart. By now AP is watching Bob. Bob takes the PS3 to the clothing department and piles clothing items on top of the PS3, then ditches the cart, and leaves. Bob's lookout, Tom, watches the cart from a distance to make sure no one moves the cart, and to watch for AP. Now Bob returns in a changed pair of clothes, and returns to the cart. AP is not fooled. Bob then walks his ass right out of the store with the PS3 and a lot of clothing items that don't fit him.

Tip: Your not very clever. First of all we can tell you 2 are talking on the phone with each other, and secondly that PS3 was last generation, and hasn't sold at all.

The Back Pack
These guests really get me. Who goes shopping with a backpack on? Your obvious, and your methods are old. How do you honestly think you can get away with stuffing your backpack full of DVD's and just walk out the door?

Excuse me, don't just fucking stand there.
I work in a wholesale warehouse. I often drive a forklift during and after store hours. If you see me in my 8 ton behemoth don't just stare at me and fucking stand there. Don't just scoot too the side and hope I can scrape by because I can't with your stupid ass there. I have forks behind me that extended another 3-5 feet. So If i turn I will hit you. Simple as that. DON'T LET YOUR KID run around or bolt when I'm driving. I've had kids bolt in front of me and I had to use my fighter pilot like skills to brake very fast. Then I get bitched out by the parents because I nearly ran over their kid. Well next time mom keep an eye on your fucking kid. You hear my forklift's loud motor and beeping safety gear and you see my flashing strobe right? Then fucking pay attention, I don't have time to sit and fart around while you try to fucking move your stupid cart. Also don't try and get past my two "spotters" that guard me while I'm dropping pallets, I've had a lady try to go past them and under my pallet of fully stacked product because she can't wait. Then I have to explain to her stupid ass why she can't go under my thousand pound pallet. Hurp durp if the wooden pallet fails then you get crushed by product. Most importantly and the thing that pisses me off the most - if you see me DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT ME then continue to stand there. I know your life is meaningless and you have nothing to do, but I DO. So get out of my way.

Nope, sorry we're out of stock
You ask for something and I tell you it is out of stock because it really is. Don't bitch at me because we don't have your "favorite item" I don't control the orders and replenishment shit. I have no control over what we get off the truck, so leave me the fuck alone before I choke you.

Authorized personnel only
We have large signs that say this for a reason, it means you don't go past it because we're operating heavy machinery without and supervision. That is what that back area is for - FOR WORK. So don't try to be clever and go past it thinking you hit the jackpot for fresh product because you're not.
12-18-2010 09:17 PM
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vonunov Offline

Posts: 564
Joined: Feb 2008
Thanks: 344
Given 186 thank(s) in 126 post(s)
Post: #2
Re: Merry Christmas: Retail Employees hate all of you

This is good stuff. You should post it at and/or

Also, yeah. Target AP is serious business. The cameras are real. All of them. And they're very good ones. I can also confirm that every Target employee is indeed a wannabe LP who will look for shoplifters and rat them out. And you won't know that the random dude shopping near you is LP until he magically appears at your side as you're walking out the door with his merchandise.
Target = not a place to shoplift.
12-18-2010 10:16 PM
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The Desert Fox Offline
Waging war with conviction

Posts: 12,063
Joined: Jul 2008
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Given 102 thank(s) in 75 post(s)
Post: #3
Re: Merry Christmas: Retail Employees hate all of you

This truly belongs in this forum.

Hidden stuff:
(11-27-2011 01:00 PM)psychopath Wrote:  
(11-27-2011 10:52 AM)Efs Wrote:  Our Army is more professional than Amerika. Smile
Except ours isn't allowed to have guns
CrayolaColours Wrote:That post owned. TDF wins post of the year.
Faby Wrote:
krissy Wrote:dessert fox
Mmm, flambéed vulpine.
"There is no enemy, there is no victory, only boys who lost their lives in the sand."
12-19-2010 01:03 AM
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