Don't let your grades affect your self-esteem

[Prince Rilian]

I wish I could go back to when I was in high school or middle school or even elementary school, as far back as 6th grade, and just not do the assignments that I hated so much, or just not even get on the bus and go to school. I kind of liked school until I was 10. And the brain-washing didn't get to me until I was 10 either. But anyway, I remember we had to do these stupid art things in 10th grade history/literature class. We had to go to, like, different kinds of artsy-fartsy things and write about them. Some you could choose, others were pre-set. We had to go to the amon g carter museum (on our own time, not as a field trip) and write some shit about 6 of the pieces there. I hated it sooo fucking much, I hate museums anyway, I mean, I hate "art" museums. Science museums can be OK depending on the type. There was this one picture I was looking at, it was a picture of some deer, and I was writing some bullshit down about how realistic it looked and then I realized it was a photograph, not a painting. I just turned in what I had written anyway. But it was all so fucking painful, I wish I just hadn't done it. One six-weeks, I failed. I got a 54 or something. And I CRIED. WTF I CRIED. I don't understand why I cared so much. Yes, it was a shock because I had thought I was at least passing, with the minimal effort I was putting in, but why was it *so* shocking that I cried for a whole fucking hour? Seriously. The grades were posted in the front of the classroom and I saw my failing grade and I stood there in total shock staring at it for a minute, and my friend asked me what did you get, and I walked up to her and put my head on her shoulder for a second and then I walked past her out the door and I just wandered the halls of the school bawling my head off until the class period was over. Then later in the day, I found out I had failed another class also, but that time I responded to it in a kind of manic, fake-happy way, like, "oh haha I failed that's so funny! I'm so cool because I don't care!" But I did care. Why did I care? Well, I was in honors classes and shit. I still believed in the whole fucked up system, even though I hated the classes. The next six-weeks, I paid attention and took notes and tried really hard, and I got an 89. And I was weirdly proud of that 89, but the teacher just shit all over it by saying, "try harder and get an A next time.". I didn't let that get to me though, I told her off for being such a fucking bitch, and she said she was sorry for crapping on my accomplishment.

But anyway, that class didn't matter. It did. not. matter. what grade I got in the whole fucking class, much less one report card. It wasn't even an AP class, it was just "english 3" combined with american history. But yet for some reason I had actually fallen for their bullshit and made my self-esteem depend on the grades, upon my "performance" in school. I did end up passing that class, but the other class I had gotten an F in, I kept getting F's in. It was technical theatre arts, and it was the only class that I'd ever actually struggled with concerning the subject matter. I didn't understand anything that went on in that class. I failed all three six-weeks (it was just one semester) and the teacher took pity upon me and gave me a passing grade anyway. I think that helped change something in my mind, because I couldn't just believe that I was a shitty person... it had to be that this school thing wasn't a good way to measure yourself.

Anyway, I don't think many people on this website feel the way I did in 10th grade. I think most of you realize that your self-esteem should not depend on your grades. But you're still in school. And I want to save you. Even if college is useful for getting whatever career you want, high school isn't. If you're still doing the assignments just because you don't want to fail the classes, STOP! Fuck high school! Get out as much as you can. You'll say your parents would blah blah blah, but I think for most of you, that's not the case. My mom used to be kind of strict, about weird things, like giving me a curfew of 7:30 and shit. When I was 17, I just quit asking for her permission for anything. I did what I wanted and when where I wanted, and lo! she didn't bother me. Maybe she was just glad that I wasn't talking to her anymore. Maybe your parents would be glad if you just left them out of your lives completely because they probably hate you and hate spending time dealing with you.

The point is, I feel like the one good thing I can maybe do is convince someone to drop out of school. Even if you can't legally drop out, you can still functionally drop out. You may be forced to attend, but you can't be forced to do the assignments or pay any attention or believe what they say or give them any respect or make it easy for them.

And when I think back to all the times I was "written up" or given ISS, and how at the time, I thought it was so terrible, I wish that I could go back and laugh in their faces when they threatened me with that non-sense. A pink slip? HAHAHAHAHA! ISS? HAHAHAHAHA! 3-day suspension? HAHAHAHAHAHA! So, also, the next time you get one of these punishments, or get threatened with one, could you laugh in their faces for me?

[Absnt]

Will do. Awesome advise.

[AWOL]

It just stresses me out when my parents rage at me regardless of the score I get. 90%+ in every test for two years straight? Rage. 50% without even taking a proper look at the test for two years straight? Equal amount of rage. No actual benefit to doing better in tests.

[LightAbyssion]

This pretty much sums up why I stopped going to school. I felt irrational guilt when I didn't bother busting my ass on some arbitrary assignment to get an A. Even worse, I thought I was better than other kids just because I got the best grade on something. Why did I judge myself and others based on report cards and test scores? Because schools told me stats and numbers make a person. How could I continue working in a system like that?

I'm currently supporting anybody who drops out. There are too many people who hate/leave school but say "you should still go" just because schools told them that's the "right" thing to say. Drives me insane, knowing I'm trying to get kids to do what makes them happy, yet I'm the bad guy.

[psychopath]

If they can't legally drop out, what will they do with all that time? Constantly having to deal with suspensions, detentions etc etc, they will spend all their time trying to resist their parents and school and it will achieve nothing. I think school should be made optional, I think if you can legally drop out you should as long as you have something to do, but struggling back and forth with school and going to school but just wasting time there sounds like a waste of time.

Unless you're doing it for political reasons, it's not going to achieve much.

[Prince Rilian]

If you just sit in the desk, but don't do the assignments, I don't think you will get detention or anything. And just sitting there and ignoring what's going on, or just taking a light interest in it if you like, is much better than trying to do the work and get good grades. Like has been said before, you can sit in the desk and read a book or something, but even just sitting there and thinking or staring off into space is better than trying to do the stupid assignments.

[Spiritus_Raptor]

(10-21-2011 03:24 PM)AWOL Wrote:  It just stresses me out when my parents rage at me regardless of the score I get. 90%+ in every test for two years straight? Rage. 50% without even taking a proper look at the test for two years straight? Equal amount of rage. No actual benefit to doing better in tests.

Pretty much this. I brought home a %66 one day and they were yelling at me. They wouldn't even listen to the logic that since it's the end of the term and I have 400 points, it's not going to affect my grade much. But no, MOAR RAGE.

[UnschoolShqiponjë]

(10-21-2011 10:33 PM)Spiritus_Raptor Wrote:  

(10-21-2011 03:24 PM)AWOL Wrote:  It just stresses me out when my parents rage at me regardless of the score I get. 90%+ in every test for two years straight? Rage. 50% without even taking a proper look at the test for two years straight? Equal amount of rage. No actual benefit to doing better in tests.

Pretty much this. I brought home a %66 one day and they were yelling at me. They wouldn't even listen to the logic that since it's the end of the term and I have 400 points, it's not going to affect my grade much. But no, MOAR RAGE.

My god this.

F? RAGE C? RAGE B? YOU COULD GET AN A!

[SoulRiser]

So true, and damn good advice. I actually almost sometimes wish I could go back in time with what I know now, and just cause as much shit as possible in school... because now I won't care how they react. They can't hurt me anymore with their petty grades and disappointments and yelling. It'd be like being invincible. I want to do it just for that reason...

I'm gonna sticky this.

[HeartofShadows]

Wow.. This is the nicest I've seen prince rillian act.
And his message is sound(Reminds me of elementary and some of middle school where I wasted my time feeling inferior to everybody who had better grades and were more popular while I hung out with friends and my family).

[Prince Rilian]

(10-22-2011 03:20 AM)HeartofShadows Wrote:  Wow.. This is the nicest I've seen prince rilian act.

I don't know what you're talking about, I'm always nice.
Ask my boyfriend, he says I'm the nicest person he knows.

[HeartofShadows]

(10-23-2011 02:53 AM)Prince Rilian Wrote:  

(10-22-2011 03:20 AM)HeartofShadows Wrote:  Wow.. This is the nicest I've seen prince rilian act.

I don't know what you're talking about, I'm always nice.
Ask my boyfriend, he says I'm the nicest person he knows.

He's lying to ya.
But I meant here.

[McGee!]

(10-22-2011 02:48 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  So true, and damn good advice. I actually almost sometimes wish I could go back in time with what I know now, and just cause as much shit as possible in school... because now I won't care how they react. They can't hurt me anymore with their petty grades and disappointments and yelling. It'd be like being invincible. I want to do it just for that reason...

I'm gonna sticky this.

This highlighting the two reasons to stay in school: resources and infiltration/rebellion.

[Story and Myth]

I wish I had the courage to drop out... but it's a bit different when both of your parents base THEIR entire self esteem on how well YOU do in school. They say when I do poorly, it makes them look bad... but then I'm in 4 AP courses and in my third year of Japanese, so fuck them. When I graduate I plan on joining up with some sort of charity to get a free ride to Japan, help clean up some of the stuff the tsunami wrecked, and just stay. I doubt they'll be able to navigate the language well enough to find me. I can get a job as a translator somewhere and take up bonsai...

[Stadium]

I myself could not give any less fucks about my grades. I just got my report card today and it was like 3 F's, 2 D's, and A's in classes where all you really had to do was show up. It's my parents that stress me out about it. I rely on them for a lot of things, unfortunately. I'm working on being more independent...and I'm already taking your advice. I sleep everyday in most of my classes and the homework and classwork they give us is a joke to me.

[Luizao876]

When I have kids ( if I will ever get kids), My son comes running and crying because he got a 2 on a math test. Then I just say:

"Son, don't worry about it. When you get older, grades won't matter in your social and profissional life."

Or I just put him in a school where classes and tests are NOT compulsory, where you can have classes and tests of the subjects you ARE interested, and let him be happy.

Oh if you live in UK, there is a school called Summerhill at Leiston, Suffolk, where a lot of good things happen.
Visit the school's website here: http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/

[Darksoul]

worth a read.

[sergeant]

Excellent post. I commend you Prince Rillian.

Wish I could stop giving a shit

[thefrustrated]

My grades suck cause my brain usually wanders during lectures so I just write comics. I take comfort in the fact that grades don't determine one's use or intelligence. But annoying naggers just get up on me and tell me how stupid I am. I'm in the honor section and nobody fucking knows why. People from school tell me I'm stupid and I don't deserve to in my position. I don't know even know how the hell I got there. Must've been a glitch in the system.

---

(11-17-2011 02:10 AM)Luizao876 Wrote:  When I have kids ( if I will ever get kids), My son comes running and crying because he got a 2 on a math test. Then I just say:

"Son, don't worry about it. When you get older, grades won't matter in your social and profissional life."
Your kid would be very lucky.
Or I just put him in a school where classes and tests are NOT compulsory, where you can have classes and tests of the subjects you ARE interested, and let him be happy.

Oh if you live in UK, there is a school called Summerhill at Leiston, Suffolk, where a lot of good things happen.
Visit the school's website here: http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/

[Faroven]

But, my parents keep telling me (well my dad does) that I need good grades to get into college. And I really hate doing schoolwork. I love the article but I don't know what to do. I'm failing two classes but I'm trying to pull my grades up. My dad yells at me because to him F means I'm not getting to college and I'll never get a job.

[SoulRiser]

Your dad is wrong.

You could even drop out entirely and still go to college and get whatever job you want. It's just going to require more effort from you... or... well, it might actually be less 'effort' in the long run. I guess it depends.

http://www.school-survival.net/successful_dropouts.php

[Faroven]

I'm not cool on the whole 'more effort' part. I'm lazy as shit

[Dirtbikemike]

(10-21-2011 02:42 PM)Prince Rilian Wrote:  So, also, the next time you get one of these punishments, or get threatened with one, could you laugh in their faces for me?

Yes, yes I will.

[Android]

I'm stupid. I know this is true, because it's what I've been told for the last ten years.

To start: When I was younger, I came off as a smart, engaging child; I talked early; wrote early; by the age of seven my reading level was tested and my parents told I was at the reading age level of a 23-24 year old. I've always loved reading and I enjoy reading histories and biographies. I've always loved learning new things.

That doesn't mean shit, though. All my life I'd had pretty average grades - nothing to write home about, but enough to pass for the norm. Then, in year 8, I had the misfortune of getting the worst teacher I've ever met, before or since. He was tall, about 28, and scared the shit out of me. He had obvious favourites and I was on his shit-list. Anything I said was ridiculed by this man and soon enough the class joined in. I was scared to do anything in case it was wrong. Is it any surprise my grades dropped?

Of course I was ridiculed for that too. Every year after that, my grades got worse and worse - I just didn't understand what the teacher was saying. I completely flunked year 9 maths and my other subjects weren't much better. None of my teachers helped me - they thought I was just fucking around. I think that hurts the most - knowing that when I tried my best and did all I could, I was still so stupid and would never be able to pass.

So I did what any kid would do - stopped trying, dropped out - and you know what?

Now I'm told I'm even stupider.

[Stadium]

That's a fucked up story lipsofpoison...unfortunately, it's all too common. Too many people have taken their lives because of people like that dickhole teacher you mentioned. And welcome!

Dirtbikemike you're now my favorite member on SS for using something I said in your quote <3

[SoulRiser]

That is terrible, Lipsofpoison. Nobody should ever have to go through something like that...

You're not stupid. They are all dirty filthy liars. I hope you can believe that someday...

[Dirtbikemike]

(01-12-2012 09:11 AM)StadiumArcadium Wrote:  That's a fucked up story lipsofpoison...unfortunately, it's all too common. Too many people have taken their lives because of people like that dickhole teacher you mentioned. And welcome!

Dirtbikemike you're now my favorite member on SS for using something I said in your quote <3

To make this relevant, lipsofpoison your story is very unfortunate.

Irrelevantly: It is the story of my life after I realized how stupid school is. I couldn't just agree with it so strongly and leave it there in that post to die, it has to live as my signature.

[geek]

(11-17-2011 02:10 AM)Luizao876 Wrote:  When I have kids ( if I will ever get kids), My son comes running and crying because he got a 2 on a math test. Then I just say:

"Son, don't worry about it. When you get older, grades won't matter in your social and profissional life."

Or I just put him in a school where classes and tests are NOT compulsory, where you can have classes and tests of the subjects you ARE interested, and let him be happy.

Oh if you live in UK, there is a school called Summerhill at Leiston, Suffolk, where a lot of good things happen.
Visit the school's website here: http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/

I so agree!

Last year I did not finish ANY exams. Just passaged to pass most of them because everything I did I got rght but I only did like half the exam. Now because of that, I'm in set 4 french (i used to be in set 2) where everything is easy and I get really bored because everything we are learning I learnt last year!! Set 1 and 2 are doing french GCSE this year whiel 3 below do it next year so I had already done everything we are doing -.-

[bulgvar]

Yeah I agree about that. The only important grades are those for your high school and those for your uni. Everything else is bullshit

[SaintVicious]

My school was pretty dumb, we had a 20:80 scaling so 20% of your grade were homework assignments 80% on tests. so if you didnt do any homew