Siege of Furnace part 1

[Spiritus_Raptor]

So in English our teacher asked us to write at least a three part story. So I'm writing about a fictional Bundeswehr assault on a fortress.

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Part 1
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“Two guards,” grunted a hidden man, his G22 rifle shimmering in the afternoon son. The man’s name was Dominik, a sniper for the German defense force, the Bundeswehr.
“Watch towers?” Replied the squad’s leader, Alexander.
“Empty.”
“Alright, squad, we move out in five.”
“Crap!” Shouted a man through a thick south-German accent, “I left most of the heavy duty stuff on the ‘copter, all I have is a Field Surgeon’s pack and a few med-packs.”
“Felix, I swear,” replied an exasperated Alexander. Felix, the squad’s combat-medic, was usually more careful.
“Shouldn’t need ‘em, this pathetic excuse for an operation might take 10 minutes, at most,” remarked Klaus, the team’s support gunner, grunting as he cleaned his Mg4.
“If we all had your sunny optimism Klaus,” said Sven, the squad’s rifleman, who was at times, at odds with Klaus.
Alexander started drifting off, trying to collect his thoughts. Last month someone named Furnace had built a special school for Nar’ Doers on the Southern border of Germany, it didn’t take long for someone to link him to a prison in the States that was under investigation. When the German government found out, they put it under investigation.
The three agents dispatched to investigate had not returned. And the school suddenly decided to put up rather threatening defenses, and gunshots had been heard often. The government dispatched the Bundeswehr (much to the protest of the GSG.)
“Four Blacksuits, two in the towers,” muttered Dominik.

Alex chuckled inside, ‘Blacksuits’. Sounded like something out of a bad American movie, although he knew they deserved the name. Hulking monsters in black business suits, wielding shotguns and radio-earpieces, but the most frightening thing, was the silver eyes they all possessed.
“Alright, move out,” Alexander commanded, “Dominik, you move up to one of the watch towers once we’ve cleared the outer perimeter. “
With that, Alex and Felix moved to take the left side of the guard house, while Sven and Klaus went off to find an entrance at the back of the compound. The school, titled, “Furnace Middle School”, had hastily erected wooden palisades topped with barbed wire, with guard towers every 50 feet. The actual fortress (I mean, school) was about 300 yards every direction.
“HALT,” the terrified Alexander just realized a Blacksuit was behind them. “What business do you have here?” The guard asked, his silver eyes gleaming with sadistic pleasure.
“Uh, um, uh…” Alex stuttered, realizing he would barely be able to turn around before he would be torn apart by buckshot. Among the sounds of the urban city, a muffled crack rang out. Simultaneously, the Blacksuit’s head jerked violently left. He fell to his knees, his silver eyes fading to a dull grey.
As soon as he turned around he heard Dominik’s voice over the radio.
“Alex, be more careful.” That’s when Alex and Felix both heard the sounds of gunfire from the back of the fortress.
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Hmm, second part due monday, since this is the only homework that doesn't make me want to punch dead babies, I'm going to write another part.

[Spiritus_Raptor]

Part 2
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Alex and Felix managed to sprint around to the back of the complex, leaving the dead Blacksuit behind. Sven was behind a bit of fallen wood, reloading his G36 and breathing heavily. Klaus, in stark contrast, was smirking, his Mg4’s barrel smoking.
Alex only needed to look at the two Blacksuits 10 feet in front of them, shredded to bits, to know what happened.
“HAH! They tried, but they were no match for my old gal!” Shouted Klaus, looking admirably at his Mg4, gleaming with pleasure.
Sven pulled Alex to the side while Klaus went to look at the bodies.
“Alex, listen, I think we should call in the GSG-9 or the Army, we can’t handle this,” Sven said, looking troubled.
“What do you mean Sven, looks like you handled ‘em alright,” Replied Alex.
“No, Alex, you don’t understand, my G36 barely scratched them, it took 10 shots to the chest from Klaus’s Mg4 to put one down on the ground, he looked at Klaus and stayed there for half a minute before he died, there’s just no way.”
“Listen, Sven,” Alexander started, but was cut off from a shout by Felix.
“Oh my god, what the hell!?”
They trotted over to the body, which Felix had removed the shirt and suit. The body was a wreck, it looked as if someone had torn it open, stuffed it with muscles, and sewn it back up haphazardly.
Alex gazed in wonder at the spots where Klaus had shot him; it looked as if a small needle had poked the guard instead of him being shot.
“Alright squad, we move further into the compound,” piped up Alex. Alexander pulled out his radio and contacted Dominik.
“Dominik, come over here, we need you to-“ But he was cut off, just then, he saw a pair of silver eyes watching him from the tower, then retreat, calling for backup.

“S%&*, EVERYONE, TAKE UP DEFENSIVE POSITIONS, NOW,” Screamed Alexander.
Just then, the door the Blacksuits were guarding burst open, five or six Blacksuits bursting out. They clamored over the piece of fallen wood Sven had used, it was 7 feet across and 4 feet high, just enough for the squad to hide in.
The wood withstood a fury of shotgun pellets, which should have annihilated it, but the wood was from the palisade, was made from Snakewood.
“Alex, we have to do something, now!” Shouted Sven, ducking as a pellet came flying through the softening palisade piece.
“Alright,” said Alexander, as he reached in his backpack. He pulled out a grenade, held the trigger, pulled the pin, and threw it blindly over the fallen palisade.
The resulting explosion was earsplitting. Several licks of flame creeped over the barrier moments after the explosion, sending a heat-wave flying over, a disembodied arm landed with a thud on the ground behind them.
The squad appeared out from behind the fallen palisade, the sight was amazing. A small crater appeared where it had landed; the ground scorched black several feet in each direction. The Blacksuits had been slaughtered; one was crawling across the ground, blown in half.
Dominik came sprinting around the corner, ghillie suit still on and USP 45 in hand.
“Holy crap,” said Dominik, after gazing upon the carnage. Alex still had a mission to do. He walked up to the weakened door and kicked it open; motioning for his squad to proceed inside.
What they saw was horrible, Dominik wretched when he walked inside.

[UnschoolShqiponjë]

I enjoyed reading it. Some errors I could tell you about if you want. Nothing major.

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Also I loled

Quote:Alex chuckled inside, ‘Blacksuits’. Sounded like something out of a bad American movie

[Spiritus_Raptor]

(10-21-2011 12:00 PM)UnschoolShqiponjë Wrote:  I enjoyed reading it. Some errors I could tell you about if you want. Nothing major.

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Also I loled

Quote:Alex chuckled inside, ‘Blacksuits’. Sounded like something out of a bad American movie

Sure, I wouldn't mind.

[UnschoolShqiponjë]

Quote:which should have annihilated it, but the wood was from the palisade, which was made from Snakewood.

The use of "which" twice so close is redundant. Keep the first one but get rid of the second "which". "and it was made from Snakewood." or something like that would sound better.

Quote:it was 7 foot across and 4 foot high

Change "foot" to "feet".

Just minor stuff really, overall I liked it.

[Spiritus_Raptor]

(10-22-2011 12:48 AM)UnschoolShqiponjë Wrote:  

Quote:which should have annihilated it, but the wood was from the palisade, which was made from Snakewood.

The use of "which" twice so close is redundant. Keep the first one but get rid of the second "which". "and it was made from Snakewood." or something like that would sound better.

Quote:it was 7 foot across and 4 foot high

Change "foot" to "feet".

Just minor stuff really, overall I liked it.

Thank you, I hope my teacher thinks so.