Good bribe for good grades

[Will]

My father has always said that he would not pay me for getting good grades because it is "fake" and because I am being paid by having a broader selection of colleges, but he changed his mind this morning (because I've realized that getting good grades is a waste of time) and told me that he would bribe me to get good grades if I came up with a good bribe. But I can't come up with a good bribe.

A material bribe will not work for me because I won't have time to use it and I can buy it anyway. One must spend more than all of his time (aside from eating, going to the bathroom, sleeping, etc.) doing schoolwork to complete all the work. (I tried this once. I tried to sleep nine hours every day but sometimes could only sleep seven and a half hours and was still unable to finish the math work, which I didn't do because the teacher didn't check it.) My school spends about $25,000/year/student, so I found his measly offer of $500/A/year extremely insulting.

The only bribe that I shall take is some form of time. There are a few ways I can get this:

Materials that will increase my efficiency

• More comfortable office furniture
• Brighter lighting
• Star Trek transporter
• Meals that can be prepared and eaten extremely quickly[/list:u]
  
  Having him do at least some of this work:
  • All English assignments
  • All history assignments
  • Chemistry labs if they are tedious[/list:u]
    
    Polyphasic Sleep--It worked really well when I tried it until my father made me stop--would require (in addition to any supplies I may need):
    • Three weeks to adjust (I may be able to do it during spring break if I start before school ends that week.)
    • A free period at the same time in the middle of the day every day at school[/list:u]
      
      Of course, I'm not going to get either of the last two, which are the only useful ones. Does anyone have any other ideas for this?

[Rebelnerd]

you're being offered a bribe for good grades. dude, don't overthink this. take some money and quit complaining, you're lucky to get anything. my parents wouldn't dream of this.

[ANAL_FROST!!!]

yeah. dude, your lucky.

[Will]

I doubt he will give me anything that I actually want, but I still want some ideas if you have any.

About accepting the money: At the very least it would be more fun to watch my father try to get me to come up with a good bribe. I don't see any use for any money. If I can't get something I want, I won't ask for money; I'll just say that bribing me won't help.

If I ask for any material things they will be useful things like bright lights (bright enough for doing schoolwork) and windows that open, neither of which I have.

[SoulRiser]

bright lights? that seems a bit like a waste...

material bribes would have to be pretty good to be worth it, like you said, you can get it yourself anyway.

so...
ask him to build you a skatepark ...
... or, in exchange for good grades, he brings you breakfast in bed every day
or you get to use the internet/tv/whatever more (if they limit you currently)...
or your dad has to refer to you as "sir" or something silly like that


EDIT: scrapped other lame material suggestions

[Will]

SoulRiser Wrote:bright lights? that seems a bit like a waste...

material bribes would have to be pretty good to be worth it, like you said, you can get it yourself anyway.

The point would be to annoy him rather than to get something. I can just add those to the main bribe too.

In the science research course (one of the only two classes that I'm taking that's worth taking) I have been researching problems with chairs, so a nice bribe could be replacing all of the furniture in the house with furniture that promotes good posture.

[cheesenomore]

dude, $500 for an A is pretty good. i only get $5 for every A. and seriously, is your dad really going to do you chem labs for you? if so, i want to trade parents with you...

[ANAL_FROST!!!]

yeah. i dont even get that much money for birthday money, or christmas money. $500 for an A is really good! think of all the stuff you can get with $500.

[cheesenomore]

$500 is more than i make in a year, and thats just for 1 A. that means you could be making up to $3500 (depending on how many classes youre taking) in a year, just for getting good grades.

[Will]

As I said before, the money is useless if I can't use it, I don't need the money, and my parents will eventually give me the money even if they don't bribe me.

[Rebelnerd]

they give it to oyu anyway?!?! well then stop complaining and accept what you've got for gods sake!