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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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Alot of me and my "emoness"
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Thade Offline
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Post: #1
Alot of me and my "emoness"

Well, I've been writing today. Alot. I think they're all crap, but I'm going to post them anyway.


When you live in close proximity with other human beings there will be many times that you will offend each other. Families inevitably hurt each other from time to time. Saying "I'm sorry" are the two words that can repair your relationship. Without apologies the bad feelings are allowed to grow until eventually they grow into something so big and ugly that it is almost impossible to repair. It is difficult to humble ourselves and admit that that we may have made a mistake. However, when you think about the repercussions of not making a simple apology, you will realize that its worth the effort.


Do you see what happens when you let someone know you? When you let a certain someone become your all? The person you tell everything to. The person you love with the all of the endless emotions in your being. This is what happens when you let someone in. So just remember, lock everyone out. You won't suffer as much hurt.


And when I close my eyes
I am thinking of you
You maybe broke my heart a couple of times
You still are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me
I guess,
...Falling in love with you was the sweetest mistake I’ve ever done


Sitting in the dark, colder than an iceburg, I'm not sure who I can trust anymore. I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "I give up!" Crying because I thought you were there. No matter what happened. Was I wrong?


Hard to breath
Weird to touch
Acting normal
Think too much
Trying hard
To figure out
Moving onward
Engulfed in doubt
Don't look back
Too much pain
And in fact
Nothing to gain
Filled with knots
Wasted time
A penny for my thoughts
I deserved a dime
Who's to say what's true
I never said I was right
Guess I never knew
It's not worth the fight
Thinking about before
Don't know who I was
Could have closed the door
And never been an "us"
Said you would stay
Promised you could
Chose to walk away
I knew you would
Everything was fine
Said we'd never part
Knew it was a line
But gave you my heart
I'll take the blame
I've always known
I played your game
You lost alone
I know you know
There's more to give
You were a stepping stone
I have a life to live
Hard to love
Weird to trust
Acting typical
Think it was love


She hides her pain like nothing is wrong
She wipes her tears to make herself strong
But its no use at all.
Everyone thinks she’s happy
Everyone thinks she is perfectly fine.
But what they know is
the pain she feels
the tears she has cried
the cuts on her wrist
they don’t know is that
under her cover there is more torture then pleasure
and just past her lips there is more anger than laughter
she pretends to be happy
cause she knows
she’ll survive


I used to think you loved me
I used to think you adored me
I used to think we were meant for each other
I used to think we would be together forever
I used to think that you thought I was beautiful
I used to think you were over her
I used to think that our hearts were one
I used to think you wouldn’t crush my heart
I used to think you wouldn’t hurt me
I used to think a lot of things but now I know they're all lies


What does life matter?
When you can see the broken pieces of your soul lying in a scatter?
Just lying there on the floor…
You knew there was only one door…
When that door closed,
Everything you ever knew and believed was suddenly opposed.
So what does life matter?
All it does is bring you pain.
Once your soul is broken,
It’s going to remain the same.
Why should I wait here without you?
When you’re so immune,
And you say that you’re through,
I shed one tear at a time.
Each one a reminder of what was mine,
And what I lost,
Now I have to pay the cost
To go on without you in despair.
Feeling pain with each breath of air.


I avoid any mirrors now, can’t bear to see sad eyes.
The ones you used to stare at, the ones that only cry.
I avoid conversations, they only lead to you.
The fakest smiles I try to give, the ones they’ll see right through.
I avoid so many many things to try to mend my heart.
The more that I avoid these things, the more the memories start.
Perhaps if I faced you, confronted the pain you caused,
All this avoiding would open up new doors.
But you would never listen, or stand before my heart.
If only I’d avoided you from the very start.


I admit I made a mistake
Over stepping some boundaries
which made me look fake.
I always said I would never do the things I did,
and that is the reason it is so hard for you to forgive.
It's been so long,
so many times we said we'd try
only to turn around
and make each other cry
Remember how it was when we first started out,
So much alike, we shared every thought
We fell so fast, maybe fell in love too soon
Made a huge decision that now we cannot undo.
I admit my mistakes but can you admit yours,
I have paid for what I've done
as you have paid for yours,
so why is it like this,
we can't even talk.
You call me liar and say you don't care
All the while my love for you is still there
I never meant to hurt you,
never wanted to cause you any pain
Since you left me
My life hasn't been the same.
I owe you so much,
I have so much to prove to you,
So I will end this with the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
Goodbye baby...I will always be in love with you.

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-02-2011 06:06 PM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Hug

I like them, all of them, even if they brought a tear to my eye. <3

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-03-2011 06:53 AM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #3
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

I wrote much, much more throughout the day. I'll post them eventually, but I'm too lazy to type that much right now. Razz

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-03-2011 07:29 AM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #4
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

And I shall read them all!

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-03-2011 08:13 AM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #5
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Here's the rest:

I look in the mirror and see a girl,
Who is staring back at me.
I don't know who she is,
Because she's not the girl I wana be.
She puts a smile on,
While inside she is falling apart.
She says, "I'm okay",
As pain fills her heart.
She pretends not to care,
As everyone slowly walks away.
She hides behind her mask,
And pretends to be okay.
She is scared to open up,
And call someone her best friend.
They all turn out the same,
And never really care in the end.
She is scared to let people close,
It always ends up as heartache.
She decides to trust someone,
But it always ends up as a big mistake.
She feels like a stranger in her own home,
Like she doesn't even belong.
She tries the best she can,
But it always seems to be wrong.
She freezes up at the word "love",
People throw it around too much.
Her muscles constrict,
As she is afraid to be touched.
She has ideas for the future,
Hopes and dreams of her own.
But she doesn't hold her breath,
Because disappointment is all she has ever known.
She asks, "Why am I never good enough",
"Why am I always second choice"?
People tell her she's got to stand up for what she wants,
She's got to find her own voice.
I know who I wanna be,
It's all so much clearer.
But the fact of life is,
I'm only the girl in the mirror.
*****

Sleepless nights,
dreadful dreams,
are haunting me.

The mysterious sounds
of the night,
are frightening me.

Panic and rage
Runs through my body
The devil is trying to get in.

Day after day
I fight off the urges
That would be so satisfying

A battle rages
Deep within my soul
It's all I can do to hold on.

Depression knocks me down,
No one is here to pick me back up,
As the battle still rages

I wish and wish
For the fight to end
But I know the battle is still within.

****

You lie in bed,
you tremble and sweat.
It's your very existence
you've come to regret.

You knew the result,
you knew the stakes;
every joint hurts,
your whole body aches.

Your breathing is heavy,
you're coughing and weazing,
your stomach's in a knot
and you feel like you're freezing.

You feel like you're dyeing,
your whole body is sore.
One thing is for sure:
You're a prisoner of war.

Your emotions run high,
the fear is so real.
You don't have enough strength,
not even to cry.

You have no money,
to cure this fit.
You have nothing to trade,
for just one more hit.

You need it so bad,
as you pray for another.
You'd do whatever it takes,
you'd even sell your mother.

It's taken control
over your useless life.
It plays many roles,
at times, it's even your wife.

It has no conscience,
it knows no ends.
It's made you give up on your family,
and turn your back on your friends.

It's the best friend
you've ever known.
It made you believe lies,
that your never alone.

The love left your heart,
there's no life in your eyes,
you lay here trembling,
this is your very own demise.

You made it an oath,
to always be true.
You're hopelessly addicted
to what it does for you.
**************
So, here you are,
lying in bed,
dope had deserted you,
and left you for dead.

Your mind is aching,
you're seeing stars,
you're now held captive
in a prison without bars.

The saddest part is,
you know it won't end.
The very next day,
you'll do it again.

Come hail or snow,
sunshine or rain,
you'll find yourself once again
putting a hole in your vein.

With each new hit,
death comes on slow,
but the human part of you,
died long ago.

you used to get off on it,
it was such a blast;
but with every hit now,
you pray it's your last.

Your habit is hungry,
and it wants to be fed;
lying in agony,
you wish you were dead.

You were foretold in the future,
but you didn't heed it,
now, all you can do is wonder,
'where's death when I need it?'

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-03-2011 08:18 AM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #6
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

You seem to have hit an inspiration pipe or something today, hm?

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-03-2011 09:35 AM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #7
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Seems so doesn't it? Laugh Well, someone's attitude has been giving all this insperation to me.

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-03-2011 10:12 AM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #8
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Good or bad attitude? Smile

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-03-2011 10:46 AM
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Sociopath Offline
©o℗yright Infringe®

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Post: #9
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

I </3 This Thread and Its OP. Hug

Hidden stuff:
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Dear Tumblrites: Despite your wrongly self-diagnosed PTSD, no line of scientific evidence suggests people can be triggered over the internet. Triggering works through the senses (i.e. smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing.) but it goes through real time; if you're not experiencing it in real life as it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING in your ACTUAL life, you CANNOT be triggered. The only exception to this is if you have a seizure, but then again, that's triggered by epilepsy (i.e. rapidly-changing flashing lights) NOT PTSD. Remembering a bad incident is NOT the same thing as having a flashback. When you remember, you think; when you flashback, you feel.

#HashTagsAreForIdiots

[Image: violator_blackbg_110x32.gif]
Max Stirnir Wrote:"In the time of spirits thoughts grew till they overtopped my head, whose offspring they yet were; they hovered about me and convulsed me like fever-phantasies -- an awful power. The thoughts had become corporeal on their own account, were ghosts, e. g. God, Emperor, Pope, Fatherland, etc. If I destroy their corporeity, then I take them back into mine, and say: "I alone am corporeal." And now I take the world as what it is to me, as mine, as my property; I refer all to myself." The Ego and Its Own, pg. 15
Charles Manson Wrote:“Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”
HeartofShadows Wrote:"Life is nothing more than a druggie trying to get their quick fix of happiness while dealing with the harsh withdrawal of reality"
Osip Mandelstam Wrote:"I divide all of world literature into authorized and unauthorized works. The former are all trash; the latter--stolen air. I want to spit in the face of every writer who first obtains permission and then writes." The Fourth Prose, 1930.
Lukas Foss Wrote:That is why the analogy of stealing does not work. With a thief, we want to know how much money he stole, and from whom. With the artist it is not how much he took and from whom, but what he did with it.
PIRATE Pirate2 MEMBER
 Pirate Join the crew!Pirate
01-03-2011 11:08 AM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #10
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

MorikoMisa Wrote:Good or bad attitude? Smile
Bad unfortunetly. KollerKid's actually. I don't think he'll be back on here anytime soon.

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-03-2011 11:15 AM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #11
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Is he being a dickwad about everything? He seemed like a pretty cool dude, maybe he'll be nice face again?

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-03-2011 12:27 PM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #12
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

He called me a "compulsive lying bitch." I'm alot of things, but I'm not a lier.

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-04-2011 06:00 AM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
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Post: #13
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

OH GOD MY MIND

IT BUUUURNS
01-07-2011 02:18 AM
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Faby Offline
work in progress

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Post: #14
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

I'm expecting BMP.

Let go of all desire for the common good, and the good becomes common as grass.

~~

Good fortune follows upon disaster;
Disaster lurks within good fortune;
Who can say how things will end?
Perhaps there is no end.
01-07-2011 02:19 AM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #15
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Thade Wrote:He called me a "compulsive lying bitch." I'm alot of things, but I'm not a lier.
Why does he think you're a 'compulsive lying bitch'?

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-07-2011 10:38 AM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #16
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

Idk, he won't talk to me.

Anyway, here's more.


Hidden stuff:
The first time I saw you,
I knew.
I wanted to hear your voice say my name.
Watch the way your lips moved.
When you told me you loved me
When you came to kiss me.

I wanted to see you smile ,
Hear your laugh,
Indulge in every pleasure and pain you had.
And anything that happened,
I would be there.

So, I sit here,
sulking to myself.
But, for some reason,
I still want you.
And maybe one day,
I'll have you to hold in my arms.

Again.

Hidden stuff:
I want to talk to you.
But, with every chance that crosses my path,
I always seem to mess it up.

You're just so perfect.
So sweet,
So shy,

So amazingly breath-taking
I choke up at the thought of you.

I just want you for my own
To have you hold me,
turn to me and say you love me,
for you to kiss me.

I can try to make it happen.

Hidden stuff:
I've seen alot of you lately.
Making sure I know everything about you.

I wonder if you can feel my eyes
Watching you
trying to memorize your voice,
the touch, warmth of your skin,
the right part in your dark hair.
Hair that everyone calls black,
But you insist is dark brown.
The way your eyes light up when your happy.

There's so much I want to know.
Weather you sleep on the left or right side of the bed.
And about every drop of blood you shed.

I've noticed how you draw yourself in.
I tried so hard to coax you out.
Maybe that's what drove you away.

But, who am I to talk?
I hide myself from the rest of the world.
Just like you.

And whenever I see you,
I want to share your pain,
try to take it away from you.
That may have hurt you more.

So, inside my blackened thoughts,
I chant,
"Calm, Calm, Calm."


Hidden stuff:
You've become my addiction.
And you don't even know it.

Part of me wants you to.
To see the way I look at you.
Watching your chest rise and fall
With every simple breath you take.

And I can only imagine what you do now.
If you pace your room
taking care not to step on your brother's things.
Or if you even think of me anymore.

That's the hard part.
Not knowing everything about you.
Despite how hard I try.

Hidden stuff:
What were you thinking?
I don't know why you act like this.

I only could imagine.

Sometimes,
I wish I could get you out of my head.
But, you're everywhere,
in my thoughts.
In my dreams.

You're the first thing I think about,
when I wake up in the morning,
The last thing to haunt me,
tantalize me,
before I go to sleep.

Then I think,
that if I lost my memories of you,
I'd be walking around,
Just a hollow shell.

Hidden stuff:
I'm planning a new art piece
My insperation is you
The canvas is my body
The medium is my blade.

I want to turn you into my work
Make each smile and tear,
that I shared with you
into a carving.

All the heartbreak you made,
every tear I cried
I'll pour into it.

Though, my greatest dissapointment is
I'll never be able to show anyone.
My greatest masterpiece
The one I sincerly thank you for.

Well then, I'd better start carving.

The third is very stalker-ish

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-08-2011 01:37 AM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #17
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

I think the most stalkerish ones and the last one are my favourites. I wish I had some poems to share with you, too. Then this could be like...a trade thing!

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
01-08-2011 02:21 AM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #18
Re: Alot of me and my "emoness"

That'd be cool. By the way Happy Birthday~~

So many wishes
So many smiles
Too many memories
Too few words
With one big birthday
Happy Birthday!

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
01-09-2011 03:23 AM
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