RIP School Survival Forums
August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. Send me a message if you'd like to keep in touch with me & Steve.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


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Similar Snowflakes
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Drunkard

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Post: #91
RE: Similar Snowflakes

May I ask what 'e2' is exactly without going there myself?
11-24-2016 05:10 AM
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vonunov Offline
Badgrr

Posts: 564
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Post: #92
Similar Snowflakes

You might as well take a look. The worst (?) thing on the front page at the moment is that somebody has selected a node titled "vagina" for listing in the User Picks.

http://everything2.com/title/An+Introduc...verything2
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(This post was last modified: 11-24-2016 07:03 PM by vonunov.)
11-24-2016 07:02 PM
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Vatman Offline
Foreplay in Ink

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Post: #93
RE: Similar Snowflakes

I'm flattered that you would suggest a site with a larger audience, unfortunately that isn't my goal. I have earned a relatively worthless bachelor of science in marketing, and while mostly worthless, it's credentials should assure you that if I was attempting to pursue internet notoriety than I wouldn't be posting here.

As I type this I'm sitting in a rooftop bar in Ho Chi Mihn City, Vietnam. I needed to get away from the rejection emails of fortune 500 companies, and surprise surprise, I'm staring at the headquarters of Deloitte and EY

I've been traveling in Vietnam for a few weeks now, I've seen the rice terraces of Sapa, the Limestone Islands in Ha long Bay. I got into a motorcycle accident in Hue. I looked deeply into the eyes of a new Zealand tourist with blonde hair, a Buddhist mindset, and a nose piercing that any suburban mom would point out in a condescending way. Events happen, terrain changes.. She is running from something, and I call her out on it. She asks me if I've ever truly meditated, gone outside of my own mind and become one with the living energy of the world.

Now readers, only a few weeks ago I was in Thailand, repeating words I didn't understand while incense burned and my legs slowly lost circulation. I was attempting to meditate with these Buddhist monks; not because I believe in it, but because I couldn't find a logical reason to not try.

I failed.

The goal is to stop thinking, and that isn't something Vatman turns off. My mind raced in overdrive. Gold Skin, Pad Thai, Mole on his head, look left, my leg is asleep. You get the idea.

I told the girl with the nosering that of course it's true that we are one with the universe, but to deny our individuality is unrealistic. I told her that her feet are feeling the souls of her shoes in such a way that the rest of the universe could never fathom. She was unique, connected, but unremarkably alone.

I only have a few weeks left before I fly back to the States, maybe I should stay out here longer. Running away isn't as dramatic when you have a return flight scheduled down to the minute.

What am I really trying to avoid?

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2017 02:49 AM by Vatman.)
01-12-2017 02:46 AM
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vonunov Offline
Badgrr

Posts: 564
Joined: Feb 2008
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Given 186 thank(s) in 126 post(s)
Post: #94
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It isn't about notoriety. I don't think the place is all that popular anyway. They really seem to love this kind of thing is all.
01-12-2017 12:05 PM
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Vatman Offline
Foreplay in Ink

Posts: 2,701
Joined: Feb 2007
Thanks: 2
Given 98 thank(s) in 67 post(s)
Post: #95
RE: Similar Snowflakes

I sometimes imagine myself out of body, as a wispy spirit passing through matter. In this fantasy I can embody the things I pass through; I can know the thirst of a tree or the warmth of limestone in the summer sun. Man made substances are more complicated, they don't feel the same sort of consuming certainty, it's a muted feeling, like its own purpose detracts from its chemical composition. Floating through plastics is curiously like the need to hiccup, visceral, light headed, muddied vision. Sometimes mid sentence I leave myself, and take up the bench I sit, or a cloud in a familiar shape. Is the need to belong so strong for me that I need to will myself spectral in order to connect to it all?

Time has become my enemy. I can't stand to look at calendars or to make plans in advanced. Even if you take particular care to count each second; focusing on the consistent length in repeated symbols so that each Mississippi can reflect machine precision... it continues to flood, like the Nile, predictably creating life.

It's cruel and beautiful that you can feel so very alone among others. It's somehow the ultimate insult to express it as well, to look at a companion and tell them that their presence makes you feel isolated. No crude comment about character or action can compare. There is a certain type of personality that can achieve this result in me, the kind that feels perfectly comfortable around others, non skeptics, they are their best selves only around others and can't separate their identity as from the group they belong. In some ways it's our cultures fault for facilitating these freaks of society. Our great epics are about groups of people uniting in common cause, the great romances are about having our love be accepted by the world, even our tragedies are about societies failure to understand. It's all resolved in the context of the group. Individualism is white washed in this context as well. It's not about seeing how far your mind can go, it's about how you can express your version to others.

I revere madness in this way. Don't get me wrong, I don't romanticize the isolation, the pain it causes others. I don't buy into this idea that mental illness is in someway a gateway to genius. I envy the mad because I couldn't possibly follow their logic, I'm a slave to the narratives and information I've grown up with and painstakingly accumulated. Even my wildest fantasies are based on those before me. I don't have an original thought in my genetics, I'm encoded to be apart of it and I still can't feel it enough to satisfy and ironically crave more. A more knowing touch, a more familiar smile, a kiss that means more.

Do you know how I feel? This contradiction I live with when I close my eyes each night.

Hypocritically yours,
~Vatman

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
06-21-2017 11:47 AM
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