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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.


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Why,Lookie Here
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0bliiVioN Offline

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Post: #1
Why,Lookie Here

Respect, Fear and Control in Education and Society
In many countries it is now illegal to hit children in school. In some countries, such as Sweden, it is also illegal to hit them in their homes. One result of this shift in social thinking is that children are becoming less afraid of their teachers, and of authority in general. In the past, the fear of physical punishment was often one of the main ways of maintaining control of the classroom and of society.
The trend in many countries is away from this form of control. I support this trend, but at the same time I am afraid we have taken away one method of control without replacing it with a better one. We have told the teachers you can no longer hit the children. But we did not tell them what to do instead. The result, according to many teachers, is sometimes chaos. What is needed is another basis of control.
I believe that respect is this other basis of control. This respect must be earned though. It cannot be forced or demanded. It must not be confused with fear. If we confuse fear and respect we are right back to the use of fear. (See sections on this confusion and on how to earn respect)
I believe there is actually an inverse relationship between respect and fear. (See related story) Where the student feels afraid of teacher X, there is likely to be little respect for the teacher. If you now remove the fear from the equation, the student has neither fear of, nor respect for, teacher X. Now teacher X has lost control of the class. But if the teacher has earned the respect of his students, he still has a basis of control, even when the threat of physical punishment is removed. Therefore he can be expected to have less problems maintaining control of the classroom. In fact, this seems to be the case in actual practice. Many educators have told me that the teachers who show respect to students have lower levels of discipline and control problems as compared to teachers who use punishment and threats. (See also Authority, Fear and Respect)
If a child is treated with respect at home, it is likely he will respond positively to being treated with respect at school. But if he is hit at home and he knows that he can't be hit at school, the teacher's job will be more difficult. This is one reason why I believe it is important that we train all teachers in how to earn the respect of their students as part of their own formal education. Ideally, I would also like to see all parents and future parents trained in how to earn the respect of their children. Some, of course, can do this naturally, but I believe most people could use some formal training.
Outside of the home, teachers are one of the first representatives of authority in society. If they earn the respect of their students, the students are likely to respect others in positions of authority and society will tend to function a bit more smoothly.

"Want evidence of how deeply we've allowed the media to define our beauty? Look in the mirror. How many of you honestly believe in your own essential beauty? Isn't it wrong that we have let the bastards define human beauty for us, instead of encouraging us to look within each other for it?"
12-23-2006 04:17 PM
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Post: #2

Mutual respect and respect by a leader for followers is antithetical to authority.

By respect I mean a personal valuing of an individual. It involves an understanding of the individual therefore a lack of prejudice. Respect is based on existential equality, or that no person is better than another. This is not equality of abilities, for it can be seen quite easily that there are differences in ability, but equality rooted in respect for humans as a whole.

By authority I mean the right to give orders. Authority is inalienable, being a right, but is subject to restrictions based on duration and the allowed orders. For example, teachers can only make you stay for detention for a certain amount of time and they cannot force you to clean their cars as punishment. But in respect to allowable orders, authority is inalienable subject only to the duration of the position held. Teachers only have authority over students while they are teachers, not after they retire, quit, or are fired.

Authority requires a leader and a follower. The inalienable right to authority given to the leader creates a hierarchy; the leader implicitly becomes better than the follower. This hierarchy is antithetical to mutual respect because it is antithetical to equality.

Quote:Respect, Fear and Control in Education and Society
Did you get this from here: ?
12-23-2006 05:32 PM
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Slavemistress Offline

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Post: #3

Why is corporal punishment illegal in many countries Wtf ? That's ridiculous! How will children ever learn to obey the proper authorities(e.g. their own parents and the police) if they aren't effectively disciplined in anyway what so ever?

Parents and legal caretakers/guardians own their children, until the filthy brats themselves turn 30.
12-25-2006 05:18 PM
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Dark Soul X Offline

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Post: #4

Shut up, and read what I left you in the Frag Arena for your post, bitch!

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12-25-2006 05:42 PM
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The only authority I follow is myself.
12-26-2006 01:29 PM
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