Dear God.

[PIMP.]

Dear God,

How are ya? I'm just writing because theres a few things i am confused about and maybe you can help me out. Firstly i would like to say that this is not a rant. I do no want to be the bloke ranting about God. I mean geez, that would be like standing in front of Mike Tyson and saying "what are you looking at you fat bastard?!" I must admit i am little bit pissed of at you but like do not take it personally, i do not want some lightning bolt shit or a random asteroid or any other divine payback. So just chill and hear me out.

Let me start of by saying i think your cool. The whole creator of the universe thing kinda suits you actually but i think theres a few, i am not sure how to explain it, kinda like a few bugs in the programming so to speak. You do not have to be Albert Bernstein to realize that life is kinda fucked in some respects. Would it be to0 much to ask if you could like release a patch. For example something like "life vr. 1.01a" or "life beta"... "We noticed a few problems with the original life source code. Life gold edition update vr beta 1.o2a is available for free download." You could just release it as shareware or something. I am not complaining, life the original is pretty good. I am currently watching dancing with the stars and some of the chicks on this show... nice job. But, like 7 days? You did kind of rush it out of production. It might be a good idea just to go over it all again and iron out all of the bugs.

I like your religions, they ok. I am cool with pretty much everyone Buddah, the Moslem dude, the elephant with the arms and even Ron Hubbard, but like that Jesus dude i am not too sure about him. I think hes cool and that but he was a bit too "hippie" for my likings. I think the Jesus thing would have worked out better if he was a little bit more "militant". Kinda like Fidel Castro meets Ghandi. Yea, peace, love, neighbors, Samaritans, but lets also throw rocks at Roman centurions. Why not? Like do unto others as they would do unto thine and fuc dat Caesar mother fucker. Just a thought.

A few things you might want to take a look at are like: The hungry people, war, Texas, and to a lesser extent the weird itch in my groin... oh yea and global warming if you still got time but like prioritize. I do not want sound bad but i think the whole ying yang things out of balance. A little too much yang in the ying and not enough ying in the yang, or is the other way around? Whatever, the point is were getting fucked with all this pain and suffering shit and your like, well, your like doing nothing. You cant just blame everything on Satan, i mean take some responsibility. The worlds screwed so fix it. I do not mind helping out but the bibles not exactly an idiots guide to how to live. Your god tell us what the fuck we are supposed to do. And this whole meaning of life thing, whats the deal? Its like your sitting there going "I know something you don't know." Just tell us already, were gonna find out one day right?

I know what your thinking. Your going to come back at me with that free will stuff. No offense God but free will is a scam. You put Adam and eve in the garden and say do what you want just do not eat the forbidden fruit. Of course they are going to eat the fruit. Its like when your a kid and its holidays and your staying at your grandfathers house and he says do what you want but do not go in this room. So what do you do. The first opportunity you get you go in the room. Thats not free will. You have to see what the big deal is. Curiosity whacks the cat. Next thing you know your staring at a shotgun with your cousins daring each other to pull the trigger. Personally i think humanity should get another shot at the original sin. Only this time try something different. Seriously, you just handed that one to the devil on a plate.

Yours unfaithfully.

Pimp.



P.S. Umm... also, can i have like a Ferrari. Not like a brand new one its cool if its got a few years on it. And, you know that girl i like but she doenst like me, well, could you like... u know... fuck with her head or something. And can i have a cool job like can i be the guy that invented pumps. Thanx!

P.s.s and poverty endage, cheers.

[wyldstryke]

interesting... i really liked reading it...it was funny

[SoulRiser]

Nice one

[returnal]

Also, watch out for Fred Phelps, mmkay?

[Mista Conspiracy]

PIMP. Wrote:How are ya? I'm just writing because theres a few things i am confused about and maybe you can help me out. Firstly i would like to say that this is not a rant. I do no want to be the bloke ranting about God. I mean geez, that would be like standing in front of Mike Tyson and saying "what are you looking at you fat bastard?!" I must admit i am little bit pissed of at you but like do not take it personally, i do not want some lightning bolt shit or a random asteroid or any other divine payback. So just chill and hear me out.

Please do not put God and Mike Tyson in the same sentence. And as we shall see, you lied(breaking a commandment, nice way to start off ), and it is infact a rant...

Quote:Let me start of by saying i think your cool. The whole creator of the universe thing kinda suits you actually but i think theres a few, i am not sure how to explain it, kinda like a few bugs in the programming so to speak. You do not have to be Albert Bernstein to realize that life is kinda fucked in some respects. Would it be to0 much to ask if you could like release a patch. For example something like "life vr. 1.01a" or "life beta"... "We noticed a few problems with the original life source code. Life gold edition update vr beta 1.o2a is available for free download." You could just release it as shareware or something. I am not complaining, life the original is pretty good. I am currently watching dancing with the stars and some of the chicks on this show... nice job. But, like 7 days? You did kind of rush it out of production. It might be a good idea just to go over it all again and iron out all of the bugs.

God gets it right the first time. And like YOU could do any better...

Quote:I like your religions, they ok.

There is only one way to God. Not multiple ways.

Quote:I am cool with pretty much everyone Buddah, the Moslem dude, the elephant with the arms and even Ron Hubbard,

What do those have to do with God?

Quote:but like that Jesus dude i am not too sure about him. I think hes cool and that but he was a bit too "hippie" for my likings. I think the Jesus thing would have worked out better if he was a little bit more "militant". Kinda like Fidel Castro meets Ghandi. Yea, peace, love, neighbors, Samaritans, but lets also throw rocks at Roman centurions. Why not? Like do unto others as they would do unto thine and fuc dat Caesar mother fucker. Just a thought.

Um, wait til he comes back. If that's not militant enough for ya, I don't know what is.

Quote:A few things you might want to take a look at are like: The hungry people, war, Texas,

If you knew anything, those things have come about because of what God-hating men have done. Rest assured, they will have eternal punishment for it. And God's people are already helping those hungry people, while you're sitting on your ass wasting your time bitching about it. It's not his job to fix things they way you want it. If you see injustices, why not do the right thing and make it better instead of the classic cop-out of blaming God you fucking lazy procrasturbator.

Quote:and to a lesser extent the weird itch in my groin...

Oh please, you can't reach down and take care of it yourself?

Quote:oh yea and global warming if you still got time but like prioritize.

Global warming or "climate change" as they like to call it now, is nothing to be worried about. HUMANS ARE NOT CAUSING IT. There have been huge temperature fluctuations throughout history, waaaay before we started spewing all the co2. Most of the temperature increase in the 20th century happened before WWII. And the fact is, the co2 were releasing is not affecting the temperature in any way.

Yes, global warming is nothing to worry about. I think you can check that off your list. But God doesn't need your advice on prioritizing, or any of your advice. He's perfect.

Quote:I do not want sound bad but i think the whole ying yang things out of balance. A little too much yang in the ying and not enough ying in the yang, or is the other way around?

That's not a Christian concept so I don't know why you're bringing it up. Oh well, maybe you're just really ignorant.

Quote:Whatever, the point is were getting fucked with all this pain and suffering shit and your like, well, your like doing nothing. You cant just blame everything on Satan, i mean take some responsibility. The worlds screwed so fix it.

It's not like this world is supposed to be perfect. And it's not God's job to fix it. There is evil everywhere, and it's up to each individual to choose who they serve. And don't think for a second that the majority have chosen God. All evidence is to the contrary.

Quote:I do not mind helping out but the bibles not exactly an idiots guide to how to live.

Um, actually, it is. You obviously haven't read it, or you have and it's not getting through to you.

Quote:Your god tell us what the fuck we are supposed to do. And this whole meaning of life thing, whats the deal? Its like your sitting there going "I know something you don't know." Just tell us already, were gonna find out one day right?

He tells you "what the fuck you're supposed to do" in the bible. But you ignore it cuz you don't care.

Quote:I know what your thinking.

You got it backwards.

Quote:Your going to come back at me with that free will stuff. No offense God but free will is a scam.

If it was, you wouldn't have written this.

Quote:You put Adam and eve in the garden and say do what you want just do not eat the forbidden fruit. Of course they are going to eat the fruit. Its like when your a kid and its holidays and your staying at your grandfathers house and he says do what you want but do not go in this room. So what do you do. The first opportunity you get you go in the room. Thats not free will. You have to see what the big deal is.

Hey, some people get off on doing wrong things. But if you don't like it, you can choose not to. That's the beauty of free will.

Quote:Curiosity whacks the cat.

Have sex with 20 ppl at the same time and you'll get syphilis. It'll eventually spread to your brain and you'll die.

Have you ever thought that there's a good reason why God warns us not to do certain things?

Quote:Next thing you know your staring at a shotgun with your cousins daring each other to pull the trigger.

Because of original sin? Worst argument ever.

Quote:Personally i think humanity should get another shot at the original sin.

No, it's human nature. We sin. We are not perfect.

Quote:Seriously, you just handed that one to the devil on a plate.

That's why you need God. So that you won't get handed to the devil on a plate.

You've answered your own question there.

Quote:P.S. Umm... also, can i have like a Ferrari. Not like a brand new one its cool if its got a few years on it. And, you know that girl i like but she doenst like me, well, could you like... u know... fuck with her head or something. And can i have a cool job like can i be the guy that invented pumps. Thanx!

Why should He do those things for you if you don't follow Him and obey Him?

[Thought Criminal]

im not saying you shouldent have an opinion but GET A LIFE its just a joke

[Mista Conspiracy]

I could tell it was written that way, that he was trying to be funny. I have a sense of humour, and this crap isn't funny. It paints a very distorted picture of who God is, based on popular misconceptions. It needed to be cleared up.

And you probably think you're funny quoting that entire long post, when a simple ^^ could've worked. Well, you're mistaken.

Dude, I've got a life. Why don't you try adding to the discussion instead of dissing ppl who are?

[Thought Criminal]

Quote:I have a sense of humour, and this crap isn't funny

. yes a very screwd up sense of humor

Quote:It paints a very distorted picture of god

ever seen the life of brian its a monty python and i love it

Quote:And you probably think you're funny quoting that entire long post

no actually and i will go in and delete it

Quote:Dude, I've got a life.

nice joke

Quote:Why don't you try adding to the discussion instead of dissing ppl who are?

because i can

have a nice day

[Happy Camper]

I like jokes. I like it even more when we coexist.

I disagree with Pimp for being anti-God and I disagree for Mista Conspiracy for overcompensating with extreme statements.

<3 the Buddha man.

[PIMP.]

Happy Camper Wrote:I disagree with Pimp for being anti-God.

But im pro God, i was the one who wrote him/her/it a letter and posted it an a forum dedicated to the abolishment of compulsory schooling.

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Please do not put God and Mike Tyson in the same sentence.

Mike Tyson, like God, could snap me in half with his pinky toes. It was a metaphor. Somebody else use to explain stuff by using metaphors, what his name again? Oh yea thats right, Jesus.

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:There is only one way to God. Not multiple ways.

Maybe there is only one way to your God but my God places no restrictions on the ways to find him. My god lets you find him anyway you want. Pawned!

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Um, wait til he comes back. If that's not militant enough for ya, I don't know what is.

Yea if all that stuffs true it looks like your gonna be one of the dumbasses that falls for the Anit-christ.

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:why not do the right thing and make it better instead of the classic cop-out of blaming God you fucking lazy procrasturbator.

Yea, good point... Pawned.

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Oh please, you can't reach down and take care of it yourself?

Yea, or i could get some hot young lady Evangelist to lay hands on me...

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Global warming or "climate change" as they like to call it now, is nothing to be worried about.

Er... thats exactly the joke i was trying to make. Ur a bit slow there Mista sunday school...

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Have sex with 20 ppl at the same time and you'll get syphilis.

Umm, ive never had sex with 20 ppl at the same time but i have had sex with 20 ppl on different occasions and the only thing ive ever caught was Chlamydia.

I had to have a penecilin shot in my arse.




The bottom line is Mr sunday school, 2pacs in heaven and i cant sit in some pew with the rest of the sheep nodding my head at everything Mr. Preacher man says. Im the type of guy that thinks for himself. I cant follow a crowd. Sometimes you have to raise your head to the sky and say "God.... WTF???????"

Peace.

[SoulRiser]

Man, that was sooo much pwning in one thread...

I love you guys

[Thought Criminal]

SoulRiser Wrote:
Man, that was sooo much pwning in one thread...

yeah i kno

soulriser Wrote:I love you guys

srry i just had to do that

[returnal]

SoulRiser Wrote:
Man, that was sooo much pwning in one thread...

I love you guys

[Mista Conspiracy]

PIMP. Wrote:But im pro God, i was the one who wrote him/her/it a letter and posted it an a forum dedicated to the abolishment of compulsory schooling.

Which your letter had nothing to do with.

It's rather dubious of you to be so unsure of who God is.

Quote:Mike Tyson, like God, could snap me in half with his pinky toes. It was a metaphor. Somebody else use to explain stuff by using metaphors, what his name again? Oh yea thats right, Jesus.

Yeah I know, but this was a personal letter between you and God. Mike Tyson has nothing to do with this. Yes, you were going for metaphors, but pop culture ones are cheap. Maybe go for something like getting squashed by a dinosaur instead.

Quote:Maybe there is only one way to your God but my God places no restrictions on the ways to find him. My god lets you find him anyway you want. Pawned!

Because you made up your own god.

Quote:Yea if all that stuffs true it looks like your gonna be one of the dumbasses that falls for the Anit-christ.

I will never fall for the antichrist. I know the prophecies. Jesus comes back after his reign, and this time to judge all of mankind.

PIMP. Wrote:

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Global warming or "climate change" as they like to call it now, is nothing to be worried about.

Er... thats exactly the joke i was trying to make. Ur a bit slow there Mista sunday school...


The bottom line is Mr sunday school, 2pacs in heaven and i cant sit in some pew with the rest of the sheep nodding my head at everything Mr. Preacher man says. Im the type of guy that thinks for himself. I cant follow a crowd. Sometimes you have to raise your head to the sky and say "God.... WTF???????"

1. Never went to sunday school.

2. My church doesn't have pews.

3. Why should you have to say to God "WTF?" over what some false teacher tells you?

"Take heed that no man deceive you.
For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many."

-Matthew 24:4,5

It isn't God's fault that he's claiming to be a Christian, it's his own. The crowd you speak of are the deceived.

Furthermore, Tupac is not in Heaven.

As for my name, it is mocking/destroying the work of Edward L. Bernays. He came up with the idea of programming "slides" into peoples' minds; the mental images conjured up by certain words. Conspiracy for example, you automatically think of some crazy guy talking about "conspiracy theories". So with everything I say, I diminish his work.

Lastly, why would you bring up global warming, and that God should fix it if you knew that it's nothing to be worried about? By repeating the lie that global warming is being caused by us and that we'll all drown and die or something, you are making it true(that famous Hitler quote).

[Happy Camper]

Disagreeing with something a preacher says doesn't mean he's a false prophet necessarily.

Example: Read some bible scripture and automatically think "wtf?" But we so often say that the bible is truth. But if you have a gut reaction that disagrees with the bible...well you can disagree with teachings, but that doesn't mean they are false preachers.

[Mista Conspiracy]

Of course not, but a lot of people who are critical of Christianity have a feeling that something is not right with a lot of preachers' teachings, that it is not the truth. So they blame the religion for it.

The scripture I provided shows that there are people who come "In the name of Jesus"(how many times have we heard that one? :rolleyes that aren't in Christ, but many people believe they are.

[PIMP.]

Mista Conspiracy Wrote:Furthermore, Tupac is not in Heaven.

BLASPHEMY!!!! Who is this heretic who speaks this most foul denunciation? Has he not committed the most heinous form of sacrilege? Burn him i say!! BURN HIM!!!!!!!!

[Darthmat]

Mista Conspiracy...... go to hell.

[SoulRiser]

1. PIMP's post was just a joke/parody/sarcasm/whatever and I found it very amusing
2. Mista Conspiracy's dissection of PIMP's post was maybe a bit hostile, but it brought up a lot of interesting points

It'd be sad if this ended up in the Frag Arena

[Darthmat]

BIGGESTDUCHEALIVE Wrote:There is only one way to God. Not multiple ways.

'nuff said.

[Darthmat]

i was disagreeign with him, thats a realyl wrong thing to say.

[Rebelnerd]

"i'm tolerant of all religions, jewish, hindu, muslim i'm good with them all. i believe there are infinite ways of accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior."

-Stephen Colbert

[Darthmat]

while i watched that episode i literally cracked up and fell off of teh couch.. i luv Stephen....

[PIMP.]

"Christmas is a time when people of all religions can come together and worship Jesus Christ."

- Bart Simpson

[Darthmat]

[Dark Soul X]

Wolf on Mescaline Wrote:I disagree, there are multiple ways to God.

Well, I'm agnostic, so...

[youvebeenthunderstruck]

Wolf on Mescaline Wrote:I disagree, there are multiple ways to God.

THOUGH ALLAH!

[Happy Camper]

Wolf on Mescaline Wrote:I disagree, there are multiple ways to God.

I agree with there being multiple ways to God as well. And I'm Christian so...*shrug*

Although I have some obsession with buddhist philosophy and jewish subculture.

Oh...and much <3 for Stephan Colbert.

[Darthmat]

i am not gettign on the offensive here ('casue i know alot of peopel are touchy abotu religion so i am just making sure) what do you mean by jewish subculture?

[Happy Camper]

I'm not sure to be honest. It's not something I think about defining too often. I just have a lot of jewish friends and they all have the most lively festive families and stubborn personalities. I don't mean to go into a stereotype or anything too much but all I know is that I've had a positive response to almost everything jewish culture or judaism that I've been introduced to. I've sorted of wanted o go around and study all the religious texts b ut I'm a little more excited about reading the Torah than I am other things.

I don't know. Some people like japanese culture, some people like a sort of spanish subculture, I have a little fondness of Jews. I'm not very consistent with it, but overall I look at it positively.