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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Poll: Too sensitive?
Yes. These people are right. You suck if you're not excellent.
No. Nothing below a B?!
I was on your side until you mentioned the yogurt...
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A meeting gone...well, predictably.
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Shuri Offline
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Post: #1
A meeting gone...well, predictably.

So, I suppose all that I'm about to tell of should have been perfectly expected on my part, and in many ways it was, but it's still never any more shocking or disturbing to bear witness to proof that much of my generation is at a loss for critical thinking skills.
But let me start from the beginning. About three years ago my parents made the decision to sign my brother and I up for a local program known as Project Excel, whose primary intentions were then and are still now to help minority students gain access to colleges of their choosing through student funding, tutoring, and whatever other schemes they can come up with to assist the youth in our "education". As far as I'm concerned, that's all well and good. The thorn in my side resides in the fact that my parents made this choice for both my brother and I without our consent (as per usual). My brother, fortunately, had work practically every day this program's monthly meetings were taking place, and therefore was not compelled to attend them. I, on the other hand, was. While I have expressed my disposition towards being made to attend compulsory school-assistance meetings when I already have seven+ hours of compulsory schoolwork a day, I've never raised quite a large fuss about them because, while I may be dragged to and from the project's meeting center once a month, it is only my physical presence that is required. My state of mind is usually far outside of and away from that place even if my body is stuck inside of it, and an hour of forced daydreaming really isn't all that intolerable, and certainly not worth the trouble it would take to try and escape it. Not only this, but the program provides for me a nice way to meet with a number of cousins I'm fond of, and sadly don't live nearby, on a semi-regular basis. So for three years I have withstood this one-sided agreement and attended the meetings as instructed.
Now, tonight was the yearly Christmas potluck, and besides the Christian "grace" we were made to either join or silently respect before we were supposed to be allowed to eat anything (I say "supposed" because I don't feel I need God's permission to carry out my natural habits), I didn't see much of a reason to fear anything more than a bunch of scholarly authoritarian figures gathering together to discuss how best to take control of their children and other pieces of property. Then, out of nowhere, all of the "students" (did I mention their tendency to collectively refer to us as "students" as opposed to actually using our names?) were requested to stand and line up against the wall.
This is not a joke.
We were then asked to introduce ourselves, one by one. Easy enough. We did so, only to be instructed to come up to a podium located in the middle of the room so that our parents could come join us and make a couple of sentimental statements regarding our characters. After this, it was commanded that we share our New Year's resolution with everyone.
This was when disaster struck. By my turn, I was practically incapable of remembering the resolution I hadn't known I was supposed to make. Here's why:
Person # 1 comes to the podium. They express a desire to make better grades. The people cheer.
Person # 2 comes to the podium. They express a desire to make better grades. The people cheer.
Person # 3 comes to the podium. They express a desire to make better grades. The people cheer.
Person # 4 comes to the podium. They express a desire to make nothing below an A in any of their classes. An instructor (actually one of the two founders of Project Excel) shouts from a side-table, "NO B's!" The crowd goes wild.
Person # 5 comes to the podium. They want to pass their math exam. Cheering and whistling.
Person # 6 comes to the podium. They express a desire to make better grades. The people cheer.
Etc.
I believe only one person, a boy younger than my nine-year-old sister and who was obviously under a lot of pressure to say something without a clue of what to say, said they wanted to do beat their racing video game. You can see why, when it was my turn to come up with a resolution on the spot, I was left nearly open-mouthed and struck silly. Only one apparently disoriented and stressed child even thought of a resolution that presided outside of the boundaries of school. This experience effectively proved to me that there are many kids who simply do not imagine a life outside of school. Their goals are all school-related, and this concept of the world and their existence is only reinforced by sick people like Mr. NoB's.
But I had to say something. So I said this:
"I don't make New Year's resolutions. I just make resolutions. Mine is to be who I want to be, and feel comfortable about it."
There are a couple of nods.
My sister says she wants to do better in math. The people cheer.
As if this ordeal wasn't enough to very nearly make me push wide open the door of the building and stomp away, Mr. NoB's had a few things to say. Some very powerful, very frightening words. I'll sum it up for you. Keep in mind that this is not an exaggeration, simply a summarization:
"You must be excellent. You must be excellent in order to be successful. If you are not excellent, you have automatically failed. If you are not excellent, all your hopes and dreams die, and with them your family's hopes and dreams, and you have failed at life. So always be excellent, no matter the cost."
Well, if that doesn't inspire confidence...
Or make you want to shoot yourself. Not surprisingly, I was in a fairly unpleasant mood for the rest of the evening. Equally unsurprisingly, Mr. NoB's perfectly depressing speech was recieved with only the most appraising of remarks. They always are.
It's worth pointing out that he's not even capable of pronouncing "excellent" correctly.

And then a dark lady got up and asked if we're living Martin Luther King, Jr's. dream. Everyone nodded vigorously. Fortunately, she was quick to correct them.
About three words into her disagreement everyone was shaking their heads with enthusiasm. It was then that I remembered it's not just the kids.

If you can't tell, I had quite a blast. I just thought I would share it will all of you so you could feel as excited (or perhaps disgusted) as I do. Or maybe you won't. Comments are appreciated.

Oh, and in their defense, the yogurt-and-fruit salad was extremely delicious. It was also the only thing I could eat there. Apparently minorities are a priority issue, but vegetarians aren't exactly regarded as worth consideration.

Happy December (and almost-winter-solstice)!

[Image: saladhearts.jpg]
Yum.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com
12-07-2007 04:23 PM
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Cilaos Offline
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Post: #2
 

EWW, vegetarian.
but seriously, I only have 4 things I WANT to do in 08 right off the top of my head.
Learn to drive.
Buy a hearse.
Learn Japanese.
Kick some ass on PS3.

I AM A THIEF IN THE NIGHT I WILL SAVE AS MANY AS I CAN

I KEEP THEM IN MY BASEMENT

I TELL THEM I AM THEIR MOMMY NOW
12-07-2007 05:30 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Posts: 18,240
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Given 1978 thank(s) in 1208 post(s)
Post: #3
 

I don't make new year's resolutions either... and even if I did, there is NO WAY IN HELL it would be something as lame and pointless as getting better grades. They all probably just said that to get the cheers and make people feel good about them, I doubt any of them genuinely meant it. But then I doubt very many people genuinely mean any of their new year's resolutions anyway, considering how often I hear about people mumbling about how they failed to meet it again. Razz

But then the fact that they specifically asked students to stand up and tell people probably gave them the idea that they were supposed to say something school-related. Which is probably why they did it Razz

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
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12-07-2007 09:23 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #4
 

Quote:"You must be excellent. You must be excellent in order to be successful. If you are not excellent, you have automatically failed. If you are not excellent, all your hopes and dreams die, and with them your family's hopes and dreams, and you have failed at life. So always be excellent, no matter the cost."

And that's just freakin' scary. It's like the stuff the people in my school were always raving about, just... so much more morbid and depressing. I mean, WTF does "excellent" even mean? "Of the highest quality", says my dictionary. So they're saying you have to do your best at everything, which is nice, but some things just aren't worth the trouble, and if you put all your effort into those things, you'll not have enough left for the things that really matter to you.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

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12-07-2007 09:30 PM
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cryptevah72 Offline
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Post: #5
 

i have too many new years resalutions, and i never do them, i dont know why, oh well

i am me myself and i
we are very much the same
different types of entities
under one single name


Flock <3
12-08-2007 12:48 AM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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When people ask me what my dreams are I tell them I have no dreams
because dreams are for people who will never do them.
I have goals not resolutions.

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12-08-2007 01:58 AM
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