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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Numbness
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Thought Criminal Offline
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Post: #1
Numbness

I can't remember the last time I've seriously talked about school on SS. It's been a while. But I'm sitting here on Sunday night thinking about fucking school tomorrow and the whole prospect makes me feel devoid of life. When I go to school I just kind of feel like I'm in limbo until the weekend. My mind is just numb. I don't take in anything I learn except maybe from history and that's only because I have an intelligent teacher who shares my political views. The only reason I do any of the work is because if i end up with bad grades my parents bust my balls and I have to keep that numbness on 24-7 because I don't have anything I can use to escape from the world.
The year I have left just feels like a prelude to my life. I don't give a shit about these "obligations" and don't feel the need to pretend like I care. I want this fucking numbness to go away. I want live life how I feel like it. I only have a year left but the prospect of living in this zombie like state for even a year more honestly scares me. I don't want to feel dead anymore.
03-21-2011 11:17 AM
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Absnt Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Numbness

I know exactly what you mean. This shit sucks. I wish I could offer advice, but you're one of the ones who developed the advice I would give you. Makes me want to become a traveler and just leave.

Blog I post to now:
http://blog.darknedgy.net

Edfreedom.org -- An organization for more freedom in education.
http://www.edfreedom.org/join-us/
03-21-2011 11:55 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #3
Re: Numbness

Hug
"There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done. School and prison." - William Glasser
That about sums it up?

Life on the outside is definitely better though.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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03-21-2011 12:15 PM
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Manicrose Offline
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Post: #4
Re: Numbness

I too hate the thought of being a zombie, the only escape I can think of is to do what the fuck I want to do and not what others think I should. Which for me is to be a writer. But what the hell is school doing for me in that respect...

I actually live for the weekend, just for some freedom to actually get out and do what I want to do, and I can't wait till I graduate.

Go to work. Send your kids to school. Follow fashion. Act normal. Walk on the pavement. Watch TV. Save for your old age. Obey the law. Repeat after me: "I am free."
03-21-2011 12:37 PM
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Jesusaurisrex Offline
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Post: #5
Re: Numbness

I dont talk about school because I dont actually go to my classes, Im busy reporting people certain people in a certain condition in a certain country

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmXMA34CeoQ
03-21-2011 02:41 PM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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Post: #6
Re: Numbness

With Absent.

You've been through what I have thought with school and I just feel like I've got no right to try and console you. Been a while since I've been in high school but the numbness and futility never escaped my memory.

You got any plans once you get out of school?

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03-22-2011 12:55 AM
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Thought Criminal Offline
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Post: #7
Re: Numbness

Not particularity. College I guess but I plan on taking a year off in between. Just to orient myself. People say not to do that but the Idea of jumping right out of the obligation of high school into the obligation of college just doesn't appeal to me. Might go to Europe, or travel America. I want to go to Amsterdam for obvious reasons. I have friends in Estonia, Want to visit Norway because I'm considering maybe moving there after college. If I don't move to Norway Canada is another option. I just don't like the idea of living in America the rest of my life. Who knows, I may change my mind and move back but we will see.
When I do go to college I don't have the damndest clue what I'll study. Considering medicine, becoming a teacher (lulz), Business, Philosophy even though it's not particularly useful.
The Indecisiveness of the whole thing doesn't really bother me. I like the idea of just going with it as it comes along. Though I think I'll be able to think about it form a clearer perspective once I don't have school busting my back.
I really don't know what I'm going to do.
03-22-2011 01:55 AM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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Post: #8
Re: Numbness

Figuring of getting out of America myself sometime(this country ain't worth shit anymore both economically and ideal wise).

Just they try as hard as they can to make it hard to travel without money.

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03-22-2011 05:17 AM
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