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August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

If you want to write about your experiences in school, you can write on our blog.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. My contact details are here.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


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Important Question for SoulRiser :)
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schoolhater234 Offline
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Post: #1
Important Question for SoulRiser :)

Hey again,
Remember me? The one who said that my parents have already turned in the tuition for my private school and my dad is ok with unschooling but my mom isn't. I asked if it would be wrong if I refused. If you do, thanks for helping last time.

So I did what you said. I asked my dad if there's any way we could get a refund. He said that probably if we looked into it, we could get one.

So, after all this, I see that my mom is DEFINITELY not going to even consider unschooling me. I've tried everything. Nothing convinces her. I try to tell her that I'm not doing this to upset her, I'm doing it so I can get a better education. I tell her that I think this would be a much better education and lifestyle for ME.

She still says no. The problem is that I've gotten to a point where I AM NOT and CANNOT go to school anymore. After looking into unschooling, on this website, and reading many books, including The Teenage Liberation Handbook and books by John Holt, if I went to school, it would just feel totally wrong.

I am so set on unschooling that there is ABSOULUTELY NO WAY I can go to school this year. Another big problem I think that my mom has with the unschooling thing is that she says, "I don't feel comfortable with you being in the house all day without anyone. I also don't think you'll get anything done" My mom and dad both work, so there would be no one to take me places.

I tell her that I can find other homeschoolers or unschoolers in the area and carpool with them. I also say I can probably take a bus to some places that I want to go. But she still says that she doesn't think that will happen and doesn't feel comfortable with me home all day.

I am in SERIOUS need of help from you now. Your website is like, the website I go to the most now. I love it. You are really educated on these types of stuff and I'm thinking you might know how to help me.
Anyone else who thinks they can help me is welcome to respond, too.

Thanks so much! PLEASE respond!

Aint no power like the power of the people cause the power of the people don't stop!

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
- Abraham Lincoln

Come children and students abide by our rules
we'll send in the troops to recruit at your schools
and we'll tell you it's noble, we'll tell you it's cool
and you'll hear every word that we're saying
and there's room in the jails if the classrooms are full
for the times, they are not a-changin'
come mothers and fathers and friends of the slain
while we exploit your loses to fund our campaigns
we brought you the war, now there's no one to blame
you best hope the new leader ain't crazy
you can vote how you want but the outcomes the same
for the times, they are not a-changin'
- Ryan Harvey
06-18-2008 08:19 AM
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liq3 Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

I'm going to say something. It seems your mum doesn't trust you'll do work. You might want to try showing her you can by starting and finishing a project on your own. 2cents

Epic win book.
Personal Development for Smart People.
06-18-2008 08:22 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #3
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

I remember your story, but I can't remember what your previous username was... what was it? Smile

liq3 is right, but stuff like that takes time. Your mom might take a long time before she's convinced, and that's if she ever gets convinced.

Maybe you could try to get her to agree to something besides unschooling, at least as a starting step towards unschooling later on? Maybe an online school or something. With the online school, you can do that from anywhere as long as you have internet, so if she doesn't want you staying at home, maybe there's somewhere else you can go and do stuff online when she's at work? Though online schools have pretty much the same kind of work as regular schools (so I'm told).

Also, try to get your dad to help you talk to her? Can you get your mom to read those books?

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

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06-18-2008 08:37 AM
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Michio-kun Offline
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Post: #4
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

I like liq3's idea. What are you interested in? It's summer and you only got a couple of months so you better come up with something quick. Two months sounds like a long time but it isn't.

Also, she's probably concerned with you getting like a job or something (and ultimately getting the hell out of the house when you're 18)...Perhaps you could take a part-time job and look into getting your GED.

To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. - Chuang-tzu
The quieter you become, the more you can hear. - Baba Ram Dass
The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in one dewdrop on the grass. - Dogen
Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Effort. - The three qualities necessary for training. - Zen saying
Possessing much knowledge is like having a thousand foot fishing line with a hook, but the fish is always an inch beyond the hook. - Zen saying
06-18-2008 08:37 AM
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schoolhater234 Offline
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Post: #5
Reply to SoulRiser's comment

SoulRiser Wrote:I remember your story, but I can't remember what your previous username was... what was it? Smile

liq3 is right, but stuff like that takes time. Your mom might take a long time before she's convinced, and that's if she ever gets convinced.

Maybe you could try to get her to agree to something besides unschooling, at least as a starting step towards unschooling later on? Maybe an online school or something. With the online school, you can do that from anywhere as long as you have internet, so if she doesn't want you staying at home, maybe there's somewhere else you can go and do stuff online when she's at work? Though online schools have pretty much the same kind of work as regular schools (so I'm told).

Also, try to get your dad to help you talk to her? Can you get your mom to read those books?

Thanks for the help. I've tried to get my mom to read those books, but she says, (obviously as an excuse) "sorry, I don't have much time with my work and all", or something like that. I have asked my mom about an online school, Laurel Springs, but she doesn't want me doing that either. AND... my dad has talked to her. It doesn't work. :(

Do you think it would be wrong of me, if nothing else works, to refuse? In the end, I know it is going to be my decision. My decision counts. I want a better education and I intend to get one. This is something I care about and I can't let other people change that. So, please respond if you can.

Thanks!

Aint no power like the power of the people cause the power of the people don't stop!

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
- Abraham Lincoln

Come children and students abide by our rules
we'll send in the troops to recruit at your schools
and we'll tell you it's noble, we'll tell you it's cool
and you'll hear every word that we're saying
and there's room in the jails if the classrooms are full
for the times, they are not a-changin'
come mothers and fathers and friends of the slain
while we exploit your loses to fund our campaigns
we brought you the war, now there's no one to blame
you best hope the new leader ain't crazy
you can vote how you want but the outcomes the same
for the times, they are not a-changin'
- Ryan Harvey
06-19-2008 08:29 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Posts: 18,240
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Post: #6
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

I don't think it would be wrong of you to refuse after all that. I mean, if you've really tried everything else, and she still refuses to listen... then I guess you have to do some refusing of your own. How would your dad react to you refusing, though?

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

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06-19-2008 01:22 PM
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schoolhater234 Offline
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Post: #7
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

SoulRiser Wrote:I don't think it would be wrong of you to refuse after all that. I mean, if you've really tried everything else, and she still refuses to listen... then I guess you have to do some refusing of your own. How would your dad react to you refusing, though?

Hey, again. How would my dad react to it? Well, I've told him that I'm thinking about refusing if nothing else works. When I say it, he basically just laughs and thinks I'm joking. I can tell that he thinks I won't really go through with it. So, really, I'm not sure how he'll react when I REALLY and seriously refuse (even though when I do tell him, I do say it seriously).

Even though I am positive that I AM NOT going to school next year, whether it be by refusing OR by somehow convincing my mom, there are some things that are bothering me about it a little. I don't really know how my parents will react, especially my mom. I don't know if this will cause a huge fight that will, like, break apart my relationship with my mom. I'm scared of that.

Do you think that after a while she'll learn to accept it? But please don't think that I am saying this because I am having doubts about not going to school next year. I am DEFINETLY not going. I care more about my choice then about my parent's choice.

So I probably will end up refusing. Maybe, with a very rare possibility, I will find a way to convince my mom. But... I don't know if that's really possible now.

Thanks, again! Once again, please respond if you can find the time. :-)

Aint no power like the power of the people cause the power of the people don't stop!

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
- Abraham Lincoln

Come children and students abide by our rules
we'll send in the troops to recruit at your schools
and we'll tell you it's noble, we'll tell you it's cool
and you'll hear every word that we're saying
and there's room in the jails if the classrooms are full
for the times, they are not a-changin'
come mothers and fathers and friends of the slain
while we exploit your loses to fund our campaigns
we brought you the war, now there's no one to blame
you best hope the new leader ain't crazy
you can vote how you want but the outcomes the same
for the times, they are not a-changin'
- Ryan Harvey
06-19-2008 02:06 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Posts: 18,240
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Post: #8
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

You know... I just finished reading this post, which has a few things in common with your dilemma.

I guess you'll just have to prove that you're serious, and then if they act all surprised, you can say you did warn them Razz

But yeah, I dunno if that might mess up your relationship with your parents, I don't know them, so I can't really say. On the other hand, maybe they'll learn to respect your independence. I don't know what they'll do. Shrug

If she does try to start a fight, do your best not to fight back. Like, stay as calm as you can. Let her do all the yelling and make herself look silly Smile

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

Push Button for Collection of Useful Links:
Hidden stuff:
06-20-2008 07:35 AM
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Zombie Offline
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Post: #9
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

You don't have to participate in class, just be there. So get your material and study in the midst of class. That'd be a nice "Fuck you" to your teachers.

"What are you doing?"
"Learning."

Who are the brain police?
06-22-2008 04:40 AM
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Michio-kun Offline
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Post: #10
Re: Important Question for SoulRiser :)

Zombie Wrote:You don't have to participate in class, just be there. So get your material and study in the midst of class. That'd be a nice "Fuck you" to your teachers.

"What are you doing?"
"Learning."

Indeed. I always wondered what would happen if I studied my own stuff during school and accomplished even more than what was being assigned.

To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. - Chuang-tzu
The quieter you become, the more you can hear. - Baba Ram Dass
The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in one dewdrop on the grass. - Dogen
Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Effort. - The three qualities necessary for training. - Zen saying
Possessing much knowledge is like having a thousand foot fishing line with a hook, but the fish is always an inch beyond the hook. - Zen saying
06-22-2008 11:05 PM
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