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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.


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Losing the fire. And life stuff.
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James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,500
Joined: Aug 2013
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Given 2293 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #8
RE: Losing the fire. And life stuff.

Wow. I think I read this post a few times back in 2013 but I didn't really "get it", and looking at it, it makes sense. It's hard for me to "get" the adult life only being 16 years old at the time. Wherever this dude is, I hope he's doing well.

I mean, wow. This kind of shit doesn't hit you until you get the fuck out of school and realize what liberty truly is like.

I really relate to the whole "losing the fire" stuff. I remember back in 2013 I was this cynical edgelord with a bit of nice guy inside him who didn't give a shit about what society or school had to say and wanted to destroy the system. Honestly, I don't really know if I miss that part of me. It's kinda weird, actually. In retrospect I lost a lot of time back then because I didn't know what the hell I was really doing, but damn, did I have anger.

There's the other part though that strikes a chord with me; the childhood. I swear to fucking god I feel that entire part of me was completely fucking ripped out of me when I was young. I feel everyone goes through it but my experience had to include the separation of my parents and having to deal with special education, where I literally was told I was less than whole. In the end, you feel so damn dehumanized you forget about the person you were once, at 5 years old, just living in your imagination.

And I'm finding that passion in me again, even with all the school work, the actual work, the people, the opportunities, the shitstorms, I'm finding that moxie that once lived. I still remember vividly the night when it all fucking died. And I'll remember the day it came back.

I'm so happy I found my "childishness" again, like it was a soul birthing itself again. I draw and I read books again, it feels really great to be in touch with it again. I want to keep writing about this, and hope people understand.

The best approach I've come to the whole time thing is simple: just live in the present moment. Eckert Tolle's The Power of Now (I keep bringing this book up but it's fucking powerful) gives you the best approach: let go of the past, forget the future, and just enjoy every fucking moment around you. Muhammad Ali had a great quote too: "don't count the days, make the days count", as in make sure every day feels great.

That's all I've had to say.


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Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

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04-14-2017 06:20 AM
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RE: Losing the fire. And life stuff. - James Comey - 04-14-2017 06:20 AM

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