hello

[synerg]

Every day of my life is now a battle, the only goal being to get home from school in one piece. I have no friends, no allies. I do have a very supportive mother but she has done everything in her power to help me, to no avail.

I've almost been stabbed at my school, bullied relentlessly by both teachers and students, both physically and verbally, yet the school has always found a way to blame me. Maybe the school leaders are corrupt, maybe they are stupid, I don't know. What I know is that I can't take it anymore.

I've decided that I will commit suicide. I haven't told anyone or left any clues, but I really desperately wanted to tell someone anonymously before taking my life.

I feel sorry for my mother as she will be losing her only child, and only family, but I have passed the point of no return and have already prepared my apparatus to hang myself. I will take my life sometime in the next 6 hours, while listening to music to take away my fear.

My suicide will most likely not be heard of, unless someone witnesses the final moments of my journey.

Thank you for reading this, I will appreciate it in my afterlife, if there is any.

[undergroundrevolutionary]

ok first of all its not worth it...
just from reading that one paragraph i can tell that you are a very intelligent person, and throwing away your life is a waste.
you may see only shit in front of you know but if you have just one moment of joy in the next 25 possible of your life killing yourself now would be a waste, remember this is the only thing we know and we arent sure if there is something after that and why chance it so early? Let life play itself out a little more

[undergroundrevolutionary]

at least wait until tomorrow when soul riser can give you some advice

[liq3]

Oh, I hope you don't suicide. I mean, as far as my beliefs go there is no reason to. I believe in reincarnation, so you'll might get reborn into an even worse life.

Seriously though, you can work through this if you want (not the suicide, the fact that everyone is picking on you).

If school is such a problem, just stop going. If you fear school more then death, stop going to school. Simple.

[undergroundrevolutionary]

ya just think about how much worse it could be

[Gobinu]

I thought about killing mayself many times but than... if you are motivated enough to take your life away, why not just try doing whatever you want? Leave the shool, travel , get drunk somwhere, try weed, whatever, try not careing about all that shit. Live your life and try things you have never done before.

[random_name]

i sincerely hope you are not going to commit suicide, it seems to me that you are an incredibly intelligent person, and that taking your own life would be such a waste. no matter what, it will get better.

[SoulRiser]

Damn, I just got online now...

Hang in there man, ... what country are you in? Can't you just refuse to go to school? Homeschool? Anything else? Seriously, if you kill yourself then they win... and that would be sad.

[Darthmat]

Hope you enjoy it here.

[dreamer...]

Please don't do it. Stay here and talk to us. Tell us everything that's wrong, just vent it all. If you stick around, you're very likely to find friends on this forum. Don't give up yet...you've hit rock bottom, and the only direction you can go now is up...things will get better. Please stay alive.

SoulRiser, can you tell if he/she signed in again after writing that post?

[thewake]

Suicide is bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
And by bad I mean fucked up coward's way out kinda bad.
So please don't do it, you won't be a hero, you'll only be remembered as a crazy kid. Go out there and be somebody, die of old age, and have a family who will love you.
Don't die like this.

[Insert user name here]

Soul, please help, I wrote a lengthy post on this thread, but forgot I was not logged in. This meant that I could not post it. Is there any way I can recover this post, as it was fairly long so would take me a long time to rewrite from scratch, and time is clearly of the ecensense here.

Please help! :(

EDIT: Well if there is no way of acessing that post, I'm just going to have to rewrite it. In the event that I am not finished it in time, I just want to say that things can only get better for you, you have so much to live for, and there are so many others who care about you.

2ND EDIT: Ohno... the same thing happened again, even though I was logged in (I don't know if it's a glitch or something...) However I will now attempt to type a mile a minute, and hope that my post is successful for the third time.

3RD EDIT: I finally managed to post sucessfully, I just pray that we're not too late...

[Darthmat]

Not that I know of. So quick, write!

[SoulRiser]

synerg was last logged in 'bout 30min after starting this thread...

[Michio-kun]

WHAT THE FUCK?

Please come back and talk. There is always something to live for.

[random_name]

there must be something in your life to live for if all these people who have never spoken to you are trying to convince you to live.

[Insert user name here]

synerg Wrote:Every day of my life is now a battle, the only goal being to get home from school in one piece. I have no friends, no allies. I do have a very supportive mother but she has done everything in her power to help me, to no avail.

Quote:I've almost been stabbed at my school, bullied relentlessly by both teachers and students, both physically and verbally What I know is that I can't take it anymore.

I know exactly how you feel. I too am endlessly bullied, I too know what it's like to feel as if no one likes you, as if you will never amount to anything in life, as if the whole world is against you, as if there is nothing worth living for. I too have recently felt like I've hit rock bottom, and recently had three panic attacks within the space of a week, beacuse I am so scared of school. Just walking into school these days makes me feel as if I am going to have a heart attack.

You are not alone.

As dreamer said, once you have hit rock bottom, the only way is up. Things will get better.

undergroundrevolutionary Wrote:you may see only shit in front of you know but if you have just one moment of joy in the next 25 possible of your life killing yourself now would be a waste, remember this is the only thing we know and we arent sure if there is something after that and why chance it so early? Let life play itself out a little more

Undergroundrevolutionary is right, there may not be an afterlife, why chance taking your life now? Put it this way, if you die there will be only nothingness, no time, no light, nothing. However, if you live things will get better, I assure you of that. You will experience joy again, believe me.

Please do not kill yourself, you have so much to look forward to in life: sex, marriage, kids, to name but a few things. There are so many of us who would be devastated if you took your own life: your mother, myself, and everyone on School Survival to name but a few people. It may seem hard to believe right now, but there are so many people who care about you.

Think of your mother, she carried you for nine months. I am sure she would be utterly devastated if you were to kill youreslf now. She obviously deeply loves you and cares about you, I'm sure if she knew what you are going through, she would do everything in her power to help you. If she is as supportive as you say she is (and I don't doubt she is) then she'd do her best to get you through this. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? I know that telling her something like this will be very difficult to do face to face. Maybe you could write her a note or something to tell her how you are feeling?

Problems do end. If you feel that school is too much for you to bear right now (and there is nothing wrong with feeling like that), you can be home schooled or unschooled or even taught over the internet. You could always just refuse to go to school. I'm sure that if you explained your reasons for not going to your mother, she would take you straight out of school, if that's what you want.

You said that you are relentlessly bullied (this is something to which I am no stranger either.) I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would listen to anything you have to say about being bullied (myself included.) I'm sure if told your mum or guidance teacher about what you are going through, they'd do their best to help you, even if that meant taking you out of school. Remember that bullies are like hyenas. They travel around in packs, looking tough, and need at least 5 other people with them before they will even consider preying on a smaller, solitary animal. Remember that bullies are cowards who so insceure with themselves that they feel the best way for them not to be bullied themselves is to make others feel as insecure and miserable as they feel. Why do you never see a lone bully? Because bullies must always travel in packs, and are far too cowardly to travel on their own. Seriously, I was once bullied by a group of about 20 boys, who shoved me into a wall, hurting my head and back. The very next day, I saw the ringleader of the group standing in front of me in the lunch queue, trying his best not to be noticed by me, incase I said something. It was quite funny, almost like a huge, fearsome monster turning into a tiny, cowardly, gibbering mouse. I had to feel sorry for the poor coward. I know what it's like to sit in a corner, praying that no one will notice you, praying that no one will come up to you and start mocking you, or beating you up. It may feel like people are bullying you because they hate you, but deep down, they hate themselves a great deal more than anyone else. And the only reason they pick on people like us is because we have no friends to help defend us, and we have already been " weakened" by other bullies. If you ask me, if bullies can only pick on people like us when they have plenty of friends to help them, then thats just the most cowardly thing of all.

You on the other hand, are like a cheetah. You are brave enough to travel on your own, strong enough to fight your own battles without help from anyone else. You spend a lot of time being attacked by other, bigger, fiercer animals, yet you still manage to hold everything together. You are the bravest of all creatures. I know that just to make it this far was a huge act of couarge on your part, you must be brave if you have to go through the kind of stuff you've described every school day.

There are so may people who care about you, and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that I pray to god you don't take your own life. As I said problems do end, you will experience joy again. Please do not kill yourself, I beg of you, beacuse if you do then you will be ridding the earth of an extremely brave, strong, kind, intelligent, talented individual.

As I end this post, I leave you with some quotes for hard times (thanks to Strat), and some lyrics from a few of my favourite band's songs, which I hope will help.


"He is a man of courage who does not run away, but remains at his post and fights against the enemy" - Socrates

"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage" – Lucius Seneca

"If you want to be happy, be" – Leo Tolstoy

"Never give in—never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in expect to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." – Winston Churchill

"You don’t live in a world all alone." – Albert Schweitzer

"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." – Marcus Aurelius


“Your eyes closed
Your head hurts
Your eyes feel so low

Everyone of us is scared
Everyone of us is hurt
Everyone of us has hope
For you” – Coldplay, "For You"


“You see the world in black and white
No colour or light
You think you'll never get it right
But you're wrong. You might.

The sky could fall, could fall on me
The parting of the sea
But you mean more, mean more to me
Than any colour I can see

All you ever wanted was love,
But you never looked hard enough,
It's never gonna give itself up

All you ever wanted to be
Living in perfect symmetry,
Nothing is as down or as up as us

You see the world in black and white
Not painted right
You see no meaning to your life
You should try
You should try" - Coldplay, "Low"

[Gobinu]

Man if you are alive write something, to me it seems you are cold by now...
Even tho I thin suacide is nothing... good, or that it is good way out of the trobules I cannot agree that it is...

Quote:Suicide is bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
And by bad I mean fucked up coward's way out kinda bad.

...why? You live and than you decide you don't wanna live. Nothing emocional, simply ending your life. I am week, I won't do it, still I can't find a good reason not to do it. After death everything ends (my belief), no more getting up, no more school, no more compering myself to others, no more trying. It is personal decision, and who knows maybe it is better for someone to do it? I always imagined it as a feeling that you get while lying on the bed at nigh, thinking about nothing and it is... peaceful .You are pretty fucked if you beliave in reincarnation tho...
Somebody can be strong, fighting, not giving up, he can of course. But he (in my opinion) doesn't have to. You have every right to live but no obligations. Anways, before doing it I think it is better to try doing what you rly wanna do, makeing your dreams come true. You can always kill yourself.

[dreamer...]

Aurora, that was an excellent post, and I really hope Synerg read it.

Gobinu, you're right that people should be able to do whatever they want to their own bodies. That doesn't make suicide a good decision, though. It hurts the person's loved ones and destroys a piece of the world's potential. It's selfish. The person may have gone on to contribute great things to the world, to make a positive difference. And the truth is, they already have made a difference, whether it's good or bad, big or small. Synerg seems thoughtful and intelligent, so I would expect that he/she has made a positive impact in the world...and can make an even bigger difference by staying alive.

If Synerg actually did make a suicide attempt, I hope that it was unsuccessful.

[random_name]

i really hope im wrong, but i think all this came just a bit too late.

[Insert user name here]

Has anyone heard anything from or about synerg? I pray we are not too late. Synerg, if you are still alive, please post something.

[Gobinu]

Quote:It hurts the person's loved ones

When it comes to suacide you can't blackmail him with parents love.

Quote:[...]destroys a piece of the world's potential.

???

Quote:It's selfish.

Yeah I have different understanding of that word. a) we are all selfish b) there is nothing bad in doing things suitable for ya c) popularly this word is used only to force ppl to do omething/ not to do something. What would you say about forceing somebody to live aganist their will because of your beliefes? Pretty selfish, huh?
All stuff about...

Quote:And the truth is[u can't posibly know the truth] , they already have made a difference, whether it's good or bad, big or small. Synerg seems thoughtful and intelligent, so I would expect that he/she has made a positive impact in the world...and can make an even bigger difference by staying alive.

There is here and now death is nothing, we will all die anyway. People have free will.
I don't beliave that we can change anything in a bigger picture anyways...
Now other stuff, I am not saying whether he should/ shouldn't kill himself ( I choose to live tho), but he has a choice. Life is cool and you might wanna try living it a bit longer but suacide is not moraly bad (my opinion again) and I (we) have no right to tell you what to do. I wrote this because all posts like "don't do it we will miss you so much" and it seems it is too late anyway...

SoulRiser Wrote:was last logged in 'bout 30min after starting this thread...

Ahh and said things that I said because I don't take dying so seriously (to all those "we weill see later on" - maybe). After suacide, suacider rests in peace and only family cries (not because he had passed, but because he left them).

[Insert user name here]

Well, it's been over a week since synerg made his/her post. I even tried
e-mailing him/her last Tuesday, but haven't had a reply.

I hate to say it, but I think random_name is right, I think we were all just too late. And it upsets me to say so, but it looks like synerg was successful with his/ her suicide attempt.

My thoughts are with synerg's loved ones. I pray that there is an afterlife or a heaven and synerg is there now, living life after death in peace and happiness, free from the torment of bullies, free from misery, free from pain, and free from fear.

If you really did take you're own life, synerg, then I hope that you know it was not in vain. By writing that lenghty post to you, I began to see bullies for what they really are. I began to see that I have to rise above them, and move on with my life, instead of living in fear. You have helped me to see that I do have a reason to live, and that I have everything to live for.

R.I.P synerg. I for one, will miss you.

[random_name]

at least he said how he felt before.