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jokes
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anonomous Offline
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Post: #31
Re: jokes

matty555 Wrote:What do you call 100 nuns in a shop?

Virgin Megastore.
luz

Schoolboy sees teacher in playground
SB: Fuck you sir
Teacher: What was that?
SB: I said puck you sir
( Summer heights High )

[Image: stop-drop2.jpg]
11-19-2008 02:33 PM
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random_name Offline
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Post: #32
Re: jokes

nice.

two lesbians are wlaking down the road with their hands in each others pockets. when asked why they are doing this they repley 'we were both born deaf. we're lip reading.'

Hidden stuff:
"A 'no' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi

"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Ben Franklin

"when I was a kid I used to pray for a bicycle. then I realized that god doesn't work that way. so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."
"I would rather die for something I believe in than live for anything else."
"What is the task of higher education? To make a man into a machine. What are the means employed? He is taught how to suffer being bored." – F W Nietzsche
[Image: s-event.png]
11-20-2008 05:04 AM
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Pieman Offline
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Post: #33
Re: jokes

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

" I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. " ~From the television show The Wonder Years
11-20-2008 10:41 AM
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anonomous Offline
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Post: #34
Re: jokes

random_name Wrote:nice.

two lesbians are wlaking down the road with their hands in each others pockets. when asked why they are doing this they repley 'we were both born deaf. we're lip reading.'
first i didn't get it, now i think i wanna vomit!
The Pie Man Wrote:A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
lol!
got more:
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

hope they're good!

Schoolboy sees teacher in playground
SB: Fuck you sir
Teacher: What was that?
SB: I said puck you sir
( Summer heights High )

[Image: stop-drop2.jpg]
11-20-2008 03:20 PM
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monkey Away
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Post: #35
Re: jokes

So theres an italian guy and a Lawyer on a plane. The lawyer is thinking how stupid italians are and how he could pull a fast one on this guy. So the lawyer asks the italian If he wants to play a game. The italian guy refused since he wanted to take a nap. So after awhile the lawyer presists, "Are you sure the games really fun." "If I ask you a question and you get it wrong you give me 5 dollers." "If you ask me a question and I get it wrong I'll pay you 500. So this got the italians attention. "Fine he siad" So the lawyer asked how far it was from the earth to the moon. The italian gave the man 5 dollers. So then the italian asked, "What goes up a hill on 3 legs then comes down on four?" The lawyer was stumped and searched for hours on his computer and e-mailed all his smart friends. after no success he gave the italian 500 dollers. Then frustrated he asked "So tell me what does go up a hill on 3 legs and goes down on 4?" The italian took out his wallet and handed the lawyer 5 dollers.

The morale of the story, Don't mess with italians

Had to move on. Account is dead.
11-20-2008 03:42 PM
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anonomous Offline
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Post: #36
Re: jokes

--monkey666-- Wrote:So theres an italian guy and a Lawyer on a plane. The lawyer is thinking how stupid italians are and how he could pull a fast one on this guy. So the lawyer asks the italian If he wants to play a game. The italian guy refused since he wanted to take a nap. So after awhile the lawyer presists, "Are you sure the games really fun." "If I ask you a question and you get it wrong you give me 5 dollers." "If you ask me a question and I get it wrong I'll pay you 500. So this got the italians attention. "Fine he siad" So the lawyer asked how far it was from the earth to the moon. The italian gave the man 5 dollers. So then the italian asked, "What goes up a hill on 3 legs then comes down on four?" The lawyer was stumped and searched for hours on his computer and e-mailed all his smart friends. after no success he gave the italian 500 dollers. Then frustrated he asked "So tell me what does go up a hill on 3 legs and goes down on 4?" The italian took out his wallet and handed the lawyer 5 dollers.

The morale of the story, Don't mess with italians
lol i think i've heard this one before
i found a good one! (at least, i think it is good):
The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

Schoolboy sees teacher in playground
SB: Fuck you sir
Teacher: What was that?
SB: I said puck you sir
( Summer heights High )

[Image: stop-drop2.jpg]
11-20-2008 03:44 PM
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Coma Girl Offline
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Post: #37
Re: jokes

--monkey666-- Wrote:So theres an italian guy and a Lawyer on a plane. The lawyer is thinking how stupid italians are and how he could pull a fast one on this guy. So the lawyer asks the italian If he wants to play a game. The italian guy refused since he wanted to take a nap. So after awhile the lawyer presists, "Are you sure the games really fun." "If I ask you a question and you get it wrong you give me 5 dollers." "If you ask me a question and I get it wrong I'll pay you 500. So this got the italians attention. "Fine he siad" So the lawyer asked how far it was from the earth to the moon. The italian gave the man 5 dollers. So then the italian asked, "What goes up a hill on 3 legs then comes down on four?" The lawyer was stumped and searched for hours on his computer and e-mailed all his smart friends. after no success he gave the italian 500 dollers. Then frustrated he asked "So tell me what does go up a hill on 3 legs and goes down on 4?" The italian took out his wallet and handed the lawyer 5 dollers.

The morale of the story, Don't mess with italians

im italian and im not getting this...

"People often compete to be considered right rather than collaborating to find the real answer."-Will.

[Image: %210kickme.jpg]
11-20-2008 09:07 PM
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Alucard483 Offline
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Post: #38
Re: jokes

Im Italian as well, but it really has nothing to do with the country of origin. The Italian made up a question that even he didnt know the answer to.

Whilst some work diligently there are those who ask why. I am one of them
(\__/) This is Bunny. Paste Bunny into your signature
(='.'=) to help him gain world domination.
(")_(")
Soul#2: I already have a grip. Doc:and a porno mag and a tube of lube I'm sure"
Lifes a bitch, then you marry one
This has been a test of the emergency pointless argument system. Had this been a real pointless argument, someone would have been called a facist.
Ceiling Cat: For that you need to wear a fursuit, though.

Inside sources say that Carla Franklin has had more dick in her than a public urinal.
11-21-2008 02:37 AM
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random_name Offline
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Post: #39
Re: jokes

sorry for making you want to vomit =]

Hidden stuff:
"A 'no' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi

"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Ben Franklin

"when I was a kid I used to pray for a bicycle. then I realized that god doesn't work that way. so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."
"I would rather die for something I believe in than live for anything else."
"What is the task of higher education? To make a man into a machine. What are the means employed? He is taught how to suffer being bored." – F W Nietzsche
[Image: s-event.png]
11-21-2008 02:41 AM
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Alucard483 Offline
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Post: #40
Re: jokes

Ok, I figure that thanksgiving is almost here so this joke/story would be appropriate.

There is this eldery couple. Happy as can be except for one thing. Every morning as the husband wakes up he lets loose an ass blast that can raise the dead. THe wife joking tells him that he will one day, in fact fart his guts out. He laughs and answers again with another fart. So one thanksgiving morning the wife wakes early and goes to work on the turkey, pulling the guts out and stuffing it and all that. Well as she is washing her hands she sees the bowl of guts on the counter and has a briliant idea. She takes the bowl of guts and sneaks up stairs, and carefully removes her husbands pants fills them with guts and replaces them. She goes back down stairs and starts in on making some pie. About a half hour later she hears her husbands ussual ground shaking fart followed by screaming. About fourty five minutes later he comes down stairs a bloody mess and says to his wife, "Well, you were right, today i farted my guts out, but by the grace of god and these two fingers I thing I got them all back in."

Whilst some work diligently there are those who ask why. I am one of them
(\__/) This is Bunny. Paste Bunny into your signature
(='.'=) to help him gain world domination.
(")_(")
Soul#2: I already have a grip. Doc:and a porno mag and a tube of lube I'm sure"
Lifes a bitch, then you marry one
This has been a test of the emergency pointless argument system. Had this been a real pointless argument, someone would have been called a facist.
Ceiling Cat: For that you need to wear a fursuit, though.

Inside sources say that Carla Franklin has had more dick in her than a public urinal.
11-21-2008 02:53 AM
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random_name Offline
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Post: #41
Re: jokes

heard that one before =]

Hidden stuff:
"A 'no' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi

"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Ben Franklin

"when I was a kid I used to pray for a bicycle. then I realized that god doesn't work that way. so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."
"I would rather die for something I believe in than live for anything else."
"What is the task of higher education? To make a man into a machine. What are the means employed? He is taught how to suffer being bored." – F W Nietzsche
[Image: s-event.png]
11-21-2008 05:59 AM
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Coma Girl Offline
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Post: #42
Re: jokes

Alucard483 Wrote:Im Italian as well, but it really has nothing to do with the country of origin. The Italian made up a question that even he didnt know the answer to.

lmfao!!!

"People often compete to be considered right rather than collaborating to find the real answer."-Will.

[Image: %210kickme.jpg]
11-22-2008 05:34 PM
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random_name Offline
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Post: #43
Re: jokes

Coma Girl Wrote:
Alucard483 Wrote:Im Italian as well, but it really has nothing to do with the country of origin. The Italian made up a question that even he didnt know the answer to.

lmfao!!!

it took me a few trys to get this one too =]

Hidden stuff:
"A 'no' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi

"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Ben Franklin

"when I was a kid I used to pray for a bicycle. then I realized that god doesn't work that way. so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."
"I would rather die for something I believe in than live for anything else."
"What is the task of higher education? To make a man into a machine. What are the means employed? He is taught how to suffer being bored." – F W Nietzsche
[Image: s-event.png]
11-22-2008 09:36 PM
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