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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Confidence
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Vatman Offline
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Post: #1
Confidence

As ever certain thoughts have ricocheted off mine, and found me returning to my own musings on the matter to inspect the impact.

Confidence is everything. Now, you say, it’s all very well for you to speak of confidence, you who have it to spare!

Well, my darling readers, that may be true, and, of course, it almost always is, but would it amaze you, would it cause a great gasp to issue from your parted lips if I were to say that there are times when I do doubt myself, when I let the world crowd in on me and far from cresting on each and every wave, I feel myself drown? Alright, it doesn’t happen often but it does happen, and I never do anything in halves.

I have always maintained that the greatest evil in the world is self-doubt. From that precarious platform we steal from ourselves all that are and could be, we totter in fear and loathing, ah, how the two are intimately intertwined, and lash out at a world we should embrace. From fear we plummet into hate. We close off all paths to love and understanding, we recede into ignorance and our thoughts begin that destructive inward spiral, a brooding eddy of suspicion.

The greatest gift we possess is our own soul. And don’t you begin to tarnish this thought with a Faustian brush, although that’s quite another story, and has a certain resonance of its own. I mean that the greatest adventure each and every one of us will make is to fathom who we are, to pick apart what we need from what we want (and if you can manage it, do give me the secret, won’t you..?) and discover our place in the world. It’s all a matter of confidence in yourself. That, you might say, is the meaning of life. Now keep it to yourself. I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise for everyone.

So how might we attain the giddy heights of believing completely in yourself? All that stands between you and this little Nirvana is fear. And I’ll wager that what you most fear is utterly subjective, or at least insubstantial. Now look me in the eye and tell me it isn’t. Perhaps you fear rejection or loneliness. Perhaps you fear that you might be judged by others and found wanting. Perhaps, just perhaps, you might fear a feeling of insecurity or being cast aside as unlovable. Whatever it may be, your inner demons are nothing but wraiths and what ifs, even if such a fear is fueled by a previous experience. Only you might judge what is a success or a failure, for only you know what you have lost or gained, and I’ll tell you something else. Nothing is really a loss in the end for whatever happens you are alive.

Just trust in yourself. Who knows you better than you? Who is better qualified to look after your own interests than you? Who can give you your own future if not you? Is it that easy? No. But it is true. Trust me.

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
12-15-2008 05:20 PM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Confidence

For some reason this raised my confidence somewhat.
Now I'm gonna spend the day being a asshole to everyone I meet.

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12-15-2008 09:50 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #3
Re: Confidence

It's true. It reminded me of this quote:

Quote:How would you live if you had no fear at all? You'd still have your intelligence and common sense to safely navigate around any real dangers, but without feeling the emotion of fear, would you be more willing to take risks, especially when the worst case wouldn't actually hurt you at all?

Courageous people are still afraid, but they don't let the fear paralyze them. People who lack courage will give into fear more often than not, which actually has the long-term effect of strengthening the fear. When you avoid facing a fear and then feel relieved that you escaped it, this acts as a psychological reward that reinforces the mouse-like avoidance behavior, making you even more likely to avoid facing the fear in the future.
(from here... I think.)

The only way to become confident is to act in spite of fear often enough that you get used to it. And even then, you'll never be completely immune to fear... but you'll be stronger than fear.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
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12-16-2008 03:17 AM
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The Apathy Offline
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Post: #4
Re: Confidence

bleh.. just be yourself... morons Smile

Who am I? That is irrelevant.
What am I here for? That will become apparent.
You can call me Apathy!
12-16-2008 03:22 AM
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Vatman Offline
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Post: #5
Re: Confidence

Something_Spacey Wrote:bleh.. just be yourself... morons Smile

Its difficult to stand at full height when underneath a waterfall.

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
12-16-2008 03:46 AM
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Double Offline
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Post: #6
Re: Confidence

But it's not impossible.
12-16-2008 03:51 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #7
Re: Confidence

How is being yourself any different from having confidence? Confused

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

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12-16-2008 04:01 AM
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The Apathy Offline
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Post: #8
Re: Confidence

I was being sarcastic.

Quote:How is being yourself any different from having confidence?

because of this
Quote:Its difficult to stand at full height when underneath a waterfall.

You have to understand yourself before you can be yourself. A big lesson I learned is that the waterfall was just your mind the whole time. (I learned this and stopped doing schoolwork entirely) My future isn't at stake unless I let my mind think it is. Thats how strong the mind is.


Its possible to live without doubt nervousness, and fear, you have to trust you can and look at what your capable of not what stands in your way. A lot of it is getting rid of fragmented thought patterns and limiting beliefs. This will make your mind more efficient just as it would make a computer faster.


Keep in mind your brain is superior to any computer so use it to empower yourself fear related habits disempower you whether it be shyness, embarassement self consiousness, and negative thoughts.
But those are all things learned in school so I know you guys are on to something when you post on this forum.

Who am I? That is irrelevant.
What am I here for? That will become apparent.
You can call me Apathy!
12-16-2008 04:24 AM
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liq3 Offline
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Post: #9
Re: Confidence

Being yourself is silly. You're ALWAYS being yourself. You can't stop being yourself. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're still yourself while doing that.

Now, bettering yourself, that's a whole different matter.

Point is, confidence has little to do with "being yourself".

Epic win book.
Personal Development for Smart People.
12-16-2008 04:39 AM
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The Apathy Offline
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Post: #10
Re: Confidence

SoulRiser Wrote:How is being yourself any different from having confidence? Confused

Simple Answer: Some people don't have confidence...

They can still do something to change that.

or is that somehow manipulative? It looks moral to me.

Who am I? That is irrelevant.
What am I here for? That will become apparent.
You can call me Apathy!
12-16-2008 04:45 AM
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Darthmat Offline
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Post: #11
Re: Confidence

liq3 Wrote:Being yourself is silly. You're ALWAYS being yourself. You can't stop being yourself. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're still yourself while doing that.

Now, bettering yourself, that's a whole different matter.

Point is, confidence has little to do with "being yourself".
You have got to be the most literal person I have ever come in to contact with.

I highly suggest Mobb Deep's albums The Infamous and Hell on Earth, if you have not listened to it yet.
12-16-2008 07:08 AM
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liq3 Offline
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Post: #12
Re: Confidence

Darthmat Wrote:
liq3 Wrote:Being yourself is silly. You're ALWAYS being yourself. You can't stop being yourself. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're still yourself while doing that.

Now, bettering yourself, that's a whole different matter.

Point is, confidence has little to do with "being yourself".
You have got to be the most literal person I have ever come in to contact with.
Yes!!! I try. Biggrin

Epic win book.
Personal Development for Smart People.
12-16-2008 01:15 PM
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thewake Offline
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Post: #13
Re: Confidence

What if you give off a fake air of confidence that everyone believes... but yourself?

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12-17-2008 12:04 AM
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liq3 Offline
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Post: #14
Re: Confidence

W-Dog32 Wrote:What if you give off a fake air of confidence that everyone believes... but yourself?
Then it's not real confidence, hence the word "fake".

Epic win book.
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12-17-2008 12:27 AM
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thewake Offline
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Post: #15
Re: Confidence

So? Does it matter?

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12-17-2008 01:00 AM
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liq3 Offline
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Post: #16
Re: Confidence

W-Dog32 Wrote:So? Does it matter?
Yes.

Epic win book.
Personal Development for Smart People.
12-17-2008 01:22 AM
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thewake Offline
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Post: #17
Re: Confidence

Why...

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12-17-2008 01:32 AM
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liq3 Offline
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Post: #18
Re: Confidence

W-Dog32 Wrote:Why...
Damn, I was hoping to avoid this part.

Because the whole point of confidence is that it changes how you behave. If you're "pretending" to be confident, well you simply don't get the same behavior as when you really are confident. :/

Epic win book.
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12-17-2008 01:52 AM
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The Apathy Offline
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Post: #19
Re: Confidence

liq3 Wrote:
W-Dog32 Wrote:Why...
Damn, I was hoping to avoid this part.

Because the whole point of confidence is that it changes how you behave. If you're "pretending" to be confident, well you simply don't get the same behavior as when you really are confident. :/


It just means your subconscious mind is not yet comfortable with the new thinking habits the conscious mind is trying to apply. Eventually though you'll naturally be confident without having to consciously think about it.

Everything eventually gets internalized. Its the brains learning process

Who am I? That is irrelevant.
What am I here for? That will become apparent.
You can call me Apathy!
12-17-2008 02:27 AM
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Vatman Offline
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Post: #20
Re: Confidence

Something_Spacey Wrote:
liq3 Wrote:
W-Dog32 Wrote:Why...
Damn, I was hoping to avoid this part.

Because the whole point of confidence is that it changes how you behave. If you're "pretending" to be confident, well you simply don't get the same behavior as when you really are confident. :/


It just means your subconscious mind is not yet comfortable with the new thinking habits the conscious mind is trying to apply. Eventually though you'll naturally be confident without having to consciously think about it.

Everything eventually gets internalized. Its the brains learning process
You are what you feel.

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
12-17-2008 03:57 AM
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i-am-the-liquor Offline
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Post: #21
Re: Confidence

confidence is in a bottle under the name rum.

I dont mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am,so thats how it comes out.- bill hicks
12-17-2008 06:08 AM
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