Would you say you are a caring person?

[stevehein]

Do you consider yourself to be a caring person?

If so, how do you show someone that you care?

[Desu]

Unless you're a clinical sociopath/psychopath, I think people often act in a certain way because they think they're doing something good.

Sometimes when people try to show "care" to someone else, it is misinterpreted by the other person, or the other person desires a different kind of care.

There are 2 kinds of "caring" I think:
1. Showing care through what you consider to be caring
2. Showing care through what other people consider to be caring

Most people are stuck in 1, and don't even realize they're being selfish. This leads to relationship and family problems. Think of how often a parent says to a kid, "I'm doing this because I care." but the kid feels like they're being used or forced or unheard.

I used to be in 1, but then I realized that and now I want to change. I haven't had much of a chance to do so yet. I'm avoiding relationships and being more careful about who I associate with because I care about myself and don't want to associate with parasitic people. Also, I don't want to accidentally hurt someone because I'm not perfect myself.

Right now I'm just listening.

[stevehein]

thanks for the reply desu

[Unknown-Creation]

I try to be. I listen, and then give advice or ideas if I have any to give.

On forums like this, I tend to be a silent lurker and don't usually post anything, so people on here might disagree with what I said above. I'm trying to post more often, though.

[SoulRiser]

The best way I know of to show someone I care is to listen to them and not do anything unless I'm sure they would want me to (like if they ask me to for example).

Every now and then asking them how they're doing can't hurt either I think. Especially when they don't look happy.

As for whether I'm a caring person... it depends. ... I care about some people a lot more than others. Generally I'll care more about someone if I think other people don't care enough about them. If they seem well enough cared about, then I'm far less likely to bother.

[brainiac3397]

I care about people by being a cynical asshole most of the time. Sure, it tends to get negative reactions at first, but when they push away that emotional stuff and actually give it some thought, it all makes sense!

Course, there are times where being a cynical asshole won't work, so it'd be illogical to behave that way. So, I resort to basically the fundamental idea of caring, listening. Listening shows the foundation of caring, for if you cared, you'd listen.

[BadCode]

I'm not sure. I can't be entirely objective about my own behaviour.

Caring is usually defined as 'showing/feeling concern and empathy for others' but can mean a lot of things. To feel for another, one must understand him/her first. I find it rather hard to identify emotional states in others, whether happiness, sadness or anything else that is shown through facial expressions or behaviour. You can never be sure about what you're actually doing to the other person, and how it might impact them. For all I know, I could be doing more damage than I meant to.

I don't usually show any empathic concern for others, as in the end, most of their problems can solve themselves. But if I'm required to care- I can gain something, can prevent an uncomfortable situation, save a life, etc -, I like to believe that I'm capable. In that aspect, I do 'care'- but mainly for myself.

[brainiac3397]

Identifying emotional states is like my forte. It's practically my hobby to study human emotion,behavior and thought-process. It's fun predicting a person's next move before they know it themselves

[Alucard483]

Nope, you have to earn my respect for me to care

[Lime]

I can't say. That's for somebody else to judge, since they actually feel the effects of my actions.

[Marlena403]

Yes. I care about other people much more than myself.

[Gwedin]

with the exception of like a couple of individuals my answer's a big fat fucken NO.

[stevehein]

(02-03-2017 09:25 AM)Gwedin Wrote:  with the exception of like a couple of individuals my answer's a big fat fucken NO.

interesting.

i started this thread 4 years ago...

tonight i have been noting some of g's abusive posts, then by chance i find this

[Gwedin]

your obsession with me is creepy

[stevehein]

(06-23-2017 04:25 PM)Gwedin Wrote:  your obsession with me is creepy

i believe some of your posts are abusive. that is pretty much all there is to it.

and i felt personally attacked by you.

this is my way of being the change i want to see in the world

it is also a social experiment

i grew up in a culture where i learned to express myself /my pain by judging and labeling others. i can call people dumbasses, idiots, shitheads, dicks, pricks, cocksukers, morons, cunts etc. i have done it lots of times. but it hasn't helped me a hell of a lot in my life.

it didnt teach me anything about my own personal emotional needs for example.

i would even call it self destructive behavior

it took me till after my second divorce - which i spent about 40,000 dollars on btw - no kids involved -- just an emotional battle - to start examining my life, my family - then later the culture i was so damaged in.

i am proof people can change. i am still changing. even at my age of 59

other people are learning from this and i am too, and you are too i am sure in your own way.

no one took the time to point out things that i was doing to destroy relationships, hurt others, hurt myself when i was young.

im am not particularly trying to help u and u didnt ask for my help but i know it is possible that in the future you might have different feelings than u do now

i read some of your blog. i see you have a pretty shitty life. so do i. the reason i started spending a lot of time on the forum is cuz my offline life sucked so badly recently.

to me it is pretty obvious that an offline life is a more ideal one than an online life and if someone spends a lot of time online then it means their offline life is shitty or not meeting their emotional needs.

my posts are valuable. my ideas are worth millions of dollars. and they can and do save lives. you can call me arrogant or whatever. but it won't change my belief in myself and my ideas at this point.

when you discredit me you dont know much about the person you are discrediting.

i am definitely not "insane"

you seem to respect soulriser if not admire her.

i suggest you ask her for her opinion of me.

she knows me much much better than you do.

it is very easy to judge and label people. it doesnt take much intelligence to do that.

it doesnt take much intelligence to do what most people around you do.

i dont know you very well. but i have seen enough examples of your posts that i feel a need to protect others from you.

i dont know if you have ever thought of killing yourself but i have - many times. and i have listened to hundreds of suicidal teens- i dont know if u are aware of the book i co-edited with my then partner priscilla. it is called letters from the unloved.

i dont know if u know of the book i wrote back in 1996 called eq for everybody.

when you have accomplished what i have i will have more respect for you.

when you start to show some empathy, i will have more respect for you.

when you start to apologize to people i will have more respect for you

anyhow, your posts could possibly the last straw contributing to someone killing themselves

i mean that very seriously

i'd like you to really stop and think how you would feel if you found out that something u said was the last straw for someone depressed.

this is not bullshit. this is real life. not only have i personally listened to hundreds of suicidal teens but i have studied the stories of teens who have actually killed themselves.

it is very easy to see the pattern. there is always - always- a lack of emotional support. there is always emotional abuse. and neglect.

it builds up. the pain builds up like straws on a camel's back

people come here for support. many of your posts are simply not supportive and even much worse- clearly abusive.

people have different definitions of what abuse is. i realize that. but i have read a hell of a lot about emotional abuse. im not sure if u noticed my site was number one in the world on it for a while. so i consider myself somewhat of an expert on it.

your posts are making this place unsafe for sensitive people. you are more aggressive than most suicidal people i have known. they wont defend themselves - like someone named "night" did here at least once.

my ex nearly hung herself as a teen.

she had no friends offline. i read her journals from when she was a teen. she literally had no friends. no emotional support from anyone in her life.

she didnt defend herself. she was quiet. she would not post here. it is too unsafe.

we dont know how many people dont post here because they feel unsafe. we dont know how many people left.

but i work with individual cases more than numbers anyhow. if just one person did not come here because they didn't feel safe, that is too many for me

if just one person killed themselves rather than seek support here or partly as a result of not getting support here, but instead getting bullied/abused/attacked/judged/criticized/labeled etc that is way way way too many

i am very serious about this. you could say dead serious.

keep making abusive posts and i will keep flagging them and noting them when i see them. i haven't had to go looking for them. i have just found them as i read people's threads.

i dont care much what you write in your blog. if it helps you to write there, fine. no problem for me. unless you start attacking and abusing someone on the forum who has said they get depressed.

people who get depressed need *extra* support

you are taking food from starving people when you attack/judge/invalidate someone who gets depressed. that is equivalent to contributing to murder as far as i am concerned. or we could say you are poisoning their food and water.

legally it is possible to be charged with aiding and abetting a suicide. ie contributing to it.

we have not heard from the quiet people. but that doesnt mean they are not out there.

i dont know exactly why your abusive posts have been so accepted here. i guess because the kind of stuff you say is so common/normal

but abuse - especially emotional abuse -- is also common/normal but it isnt healthy. and i simply wont tolerate it here if i see it. i wont accept it. even if everyone else does. i live according to my own standards.

id be interested to know what your problem is with me besides saying i am "whining"

do you really believe it is "whining" to try to save someone's life?

do you think i am making this up? do you have any fucking idea why teenagers kill themselves?

i am asking you seriously - not hypothetically.

you grew up in a fucked up culture and a fucked up family.

the sooner you realize that the better your chances will be of having a somewhat satisfying life. but you need more than to realize your culture and your family are fucked up. you need to see how they fucked you up.

you are not a "bad" person in my eyes. You are a damaged person. You are a victim, we could say. It is common knowledge abused people abuse others. So we can say you were abused.

Would you agree?

I don't mean necessarily physically or sexually. But just being forced to go to a school in an English speaking culture is emotional abuse and neglect, even if nothing more happened to you

I can bet my life on the fact that you have been invalidated at home and at school all your life.

I'd be interested in your thoughts on invalidation. You don't have to read about it from me. You can just google it if you want to.

I will say tho that many people have cited me and my site as a reference. The proof is out there. I am not making this shit up. You can do your own research.

Have you noticed SoulRiser has offered links to my website here and there on SS?
Why do you think she does that if she doesn't value me and my ideas?

I suggest you do some "homework" if you want to have an intelligent conversation about why I am flagging, reporting and documenting your posts.

[Gwedin]

i'm glad you took the time to finally write a long post directed at me instead of simply writing one about me. your implication that my insulting of other people is because of some emotional problem or whatever that i have is straight up wrong, i insult people on this forum usually because i don't like what they're doing, it's a very rude subtle form of criticism i'd say. and i know you don't like criticism which baffles me because criticism helps us develop and grow our ideas and whatever. i do it rudely as opposed to nicely because it's funner for me that way. i use this forum because i enjoy doing so, i was never a very serious poster. to be a serious poster is boring to me. i don't think insulting people for this reason is self destructive at all. i do have self destructive behaviours that fuck me over often but they're not relevant to this. to add to this i believe you misinterpret some of what i mean to be clearly joking as serious, sunflower's welcoming thread was an example of this.

none of this behaviour is reflective of me irl either, if you're trying to imply that. i'm a lot more careful and aware of people's feelings when i try to criticise them or their ideas irl. so blunt insults don't fly with me irl.

" im am not particularly trying to help u and u didnt ask for my help but i know it is possible that in the future you might have different feelings than u do now"
i don't think you can help me in any way but i do prefer this kind of posting to the ones you made before. the ones before you seem to have an "i have gwedin all figured out even though i don't know the guy at all" approach, or at least it comes off that way, arrogant and knowitall i guess.

"i read some of your blog. i see you have a pretty shitty life. "
in a way. im a lot better off than i was a while ago, i have goals, money a job im going to study soon blah bla blah but im still just as unhappy and exhausted for whatever reason.

"to me it is pretty obvious that an offline life is a more ideal one than an online life and if someone spends a lot of time online then it means their offline life is shitty or not meeting their emotional needs."
i agree but im not online a shitload these days and the reasons why i am online when i am are better ones than what they used to be when i was simply a layabout that spent all day online.

"my posts are valuable. "
so are mine!

"my ideas are worth millions of dollars."
mine are worth more!

i like arrogance as long as one is self aware they're being arrogant.

i don't know much about you correct, i called you insane because i think you overreacted horribly to me insulting people.i do admire soulriser (she hates me im sure of it) but that doesn't mean i value her opinion on everything. especially when it comes to people, i prefer to make my own opinion. i will judge you, people naturally judge. you've probably judged me to be a dickhead or insensitive or whatever.

" it doesnt take much intelligence to do what most people around you do. "
this comment is weird to me because the people around me irl are very nice people generally and very rarely insult without good reason, unless they're just bantering in a friendly manner in which case im insulted all the time but it's all about context. and the people around me live their lives normally, that takes a fair bit of intelligence i'd say. i admire people that can go about their day without being brought down too much by their feelings. if the people around you are dickheads irl then i genuinely feel bad for you.

"i dont know you very well. but i have seen enough examples of your posts that i feel a need to protect others from you."
that's fair but i'd say most people here don't need protecting and are capable enough of defending themselves

"i dont know if you have ever thought of killing yourself "
every day

"when you have accomplished what i have i will have more respect for you.
when you start to show some empathy, i will have more respect for you.
when you start to apologize to people i will have more respect for you "
i don't want to accomplish what you have though, i have my own goals in life. and i don't care if you don't respect me.

---

i left a lot out in that post but i cannot be bothered.

[Gwedin]

oh i see you edited your post and added a shitload more before i finished making my post, i'll reply to the rest of it at a later time, tomorrow i think.

[stevehein]

(06-23-2017 05:46 PM)Gwedin Wrote:  i'm glad you took the time to finally write a long post directed at me instead of simply writing one about me. your implication that my insulting of other people is because of some emotional problem or whatever that i have is straight up wrong, i insult people on this forum usually because i don't like what they're doing, it's a very rude subtle form of criticism i'd say. and i know you don't like criticism which baffles me because criticism helps us develop and grow our ideas and whatever. i do it rudely as opposed to nicely because it's funner for me that way. i use this forum because i enjoy doing so, i was never a very serious poster. to be a serious poster is boring to me. i don't think insulting people for this reason is self destructive at all. i do have self destructive behaviours that fuck me over often but they're not relevant to this. to add to this i believe you misinterpret some of what i mean to be clearly joking as serious, sunflower's welcoming thread was an example of this.

none of this behaviour is reflective of me irl either, if you're trying to imply that. i'm a lot more careful and aware of people's feelings when i try to criticise them or their ideas irl. so blunt insults don't fly with me irl.

" im am not particularly trying to help u and u didnt ask for my help but i know it is possible that in the future you might have different feelings than u do now"
i don't think you can help me in any way but i do prefer this kind of posting to the ones you made before. the ones before you seem to have an "i have gwedin all figured out even though i don't know the guy at all" approach, or at least it comes off that way, arrogant and knowitall i guess.

"i read some of your blog. i see you have a pretty shitty life. "
in a way. im a lot better off than i was a while ago, i have goals, money a job im going to study soon blah bla blah but im still just as unhappy and exhausted for whatever reason.

"to me it is pretty obvious that an offline life is a more ideal one than an online life and if someone spends a lot of time online then it means their offline life is shitty or not meeting their emotional needs."
i agree but im not online a shitload these days and the reasons why i am online when i am are better ones than what they used to be when i was simply a layabout that spent all day online.

"my posts are valuable. "
so are mine!

"my ideas are worth millions of dollars."
mine are worth more!

i like arrogance as long as one is self aware they're being arrogant.

i don't know much about you correct, i called you insane because i think you overreacted horribly to me insulting people.i do admire soulriser (she hates me im sure of it) but that doesn't mean i value her opinion on everything. especially when it comes to people, i prefer to make my own opinion. i will judge you, people naturally judge. you've probably judged me to be a dickhead or insensitive or whatever.

" it doesnt take much intelligence to do what most people around you do. "
this comment is weird to me because the people around me irl are very nice people generally and very rarely insult without good reason, unless they're just bantering in a friendly manner in which case im insulted all the time but it's all about context. and the people around me live their lives normally, that takes a fair bit of intelligence i'd say. i admire people that can go about their day without being brought down too much by their feelings. if the people around you are dickheads irl then i genuinely feel bad for you.

"i dont know you very well. but i have seen enough examples of your posts that i feel a need to protect others from you."
that's fair but i'd say most people here don't need protecting and are capable enough of defending themselves

"i dont know if you have ever thought of killing yourself "
every day

"when you have accomplished what i have i will have more respect for you.
when you start to show some empathy, i will have more respect for you.
when you start to apologize to people i will have more respect for you "
i don't want to accomplish what you have though, i have my own goals in life. and i don't care if you don't respect me.

---

i left a lot out in that post but i cannot be bothered.

just for the record, there are several examples of invalidation here.

but thanks for the honesty.

i'd like you to answer my question about how you would feel if one of ur posts was the last straw for someone

also how would you feel if you knew posts like yours make this an unsafe place for some people who have never posted anything here for the very reason that is feels and is unsafe for them?

and just to be very clear, you are saying you were not emotionally abused or neglected?

also, you said yourself you are having fun here. i wil add "at other people's expense" - that is also abuse.

people don't come here with an umet need to be used for other people's pleasure and to fill their sick needs. they dont come here because they have a need to be criticized.