School is going to be the death of me

[Depression101]

School is making me depressed and suicidal. I tried to plead with my parents but they just said that everybody goes to school and I'm not a special snowflake. That fucking place makes me depressed and makes me contemplate suicide; I just want to kill myself, it'll end the pain and I don't believe in ultimate consequence, but I can't right now, too weak unfortunately. I cannot stay out of school, I'm forced to go there. The strain and stress from going there each horrible morning are making me go crazy. I either feel numb and depressed or manic and crazy, foaming from the mouth a little bit, and crying with laughter; I react like that because the pain inflicted in school combined by my sheer inability to do jack shit about it creates just an incomprehensible feeling that I don't know how to react. Please help, I beg you, please help. I implore you people, please.

[SoulRiser]

There is something you can do, and we will help you find it.

What would happen if you absolutely refused to go to school? Your parents are misinformed - plenty of people don't go to school and they don't need to be "special snowflakes" in order to get out. Maybe refusal might 'encourage' them to take you seriously?

Also, inform them about some alternatives:
http://alternativestoschool.com/

Also more links here:
http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=36467

[Depression101]

Hi, SoulRiser. No, I already tried telling them about alternatives but they're old-fashioned, and, honestly, don't have the time and/or resources for unschooling. I'll try refuse to budge but I was raised like a puppy: beat(metaphorically) and sculpted into societies little doggy, I was fucking trained like a circus animal to be a gooe, nice boy -- a fucking poster child for the American drram, the perfect American family. It got to the point where intentionally getting worse(not bad) grades was an achievement to me, I've started recently and hope I can progress. Sorry for the rant, had to get jt out.


And congrats on running the site 18 years. It really shows how important this sort of thing is -- keep up the great work, Soul

[SoulRiser]

Thanks.

Yeah, it's really hard to stop being a well-trained puppy. I was one too... sort of.

Do your parents know school is making you suicidal though? If they really truly understood that, I think they'd have to take you more seriously, if they're good parents anyway.

When I was around 13/14 or so, I had literally had enough of school. I locked myself in my room, my dad was yelling at me to come out and go to school, but I yelled back that I had a knife and was going to kill myself if they made me go back there. Well, long story short, they did make me go back there, and I obviously didn't kill myself, but I think that made them realize that school was a problem, and they started considering alternatives. They signed me up for a private school the year after that. (Which was ironically the school that inspired me to start this site, but that's another story).

Unfortunately, it takes some serious crisis stuff to knock sense into some people... and even that doesn't always work.

[Dead]

Do you see a therapist or something like that? Sometimes they're willing to talk to the school and make things easier for you.

[Depression101]

(03-28-2017 09:38 PM)Dead Wrote:  Do you see a therapist or something like that? Sometimes they're willing to talk to the school and make things easier for you.

No, therapists didn't help me in the past and they won't help me now.

[SoulRiser]

Yeah, finding a good therapist is a lot like gambling. Sometimes you get lucky, most of the time you don't, and either way it costs money.

I keep thinking it'd be great to have some kind of a list of therapists that are actually good with school issues... but I'm not sure how that would work exactly.

[James Comey]

Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

[Depression101]

(03-29-2017 03:49 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

My diet is okay. The only thing unhealthy is the coffee and dark chocolate. My sleep is horrible. As soon as I think of waking up comfy, in my own bed, a whole day ahead of me, all nice and warm and comfortable -- then reality sets in, I remember school and my feeling of hope crashes in on itself. In short, I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up. And so I stay up all night, watching old B-horror movies or sometimes blankly staring at the darkness, wondering why am I in so much pain. I'm lucky to get in four hours of sleep a night -- that's where the coffee and dark chocolate come in, they keep me awake at night.

In my free time, I tried to get back into playing video games like I did a few years ago but practically everything about it gave me a headache; I also like to read and love to write, and those two were what took me away from school, what made my day more bearable. So I did do well in English class but whenever I was writing in my free time I couldn't help but think of English class and how I was writing so I could be better at it -- school turned my passion into a fucking competition, it made it a fucking commodity. This is a post I made on reddit, explaining mostly how I feel: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comm...=0e4027c7.

[James Comey]

(03-29-2017 05:19 AM)Depression101 Wrote:  

(03-29-2017 03:49 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

My diet is okay. The only thing unhealthy is the coffee and dark chocolate. My sleep is horrible. As soon as I think of waking up comfy, in my own bed, a whole day ahead of me, all nice and warm and comfortable -- then reality sets in, I remember school and my feeling of hope crashes in on itself. In short, I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up. And so I stay up all night, watching old B-horror movies or sometimes blankly staring at the darkness, wondering why am I in so much pain. I'm lucky to get in four hours of sleep a night -- that's where the coffee and dark chocolate come in, they keep me awake at night.

In my free time, I tried to get back into playing video games like I did a few years ago but practically everything about it gave me a headache; I also like to read and love to write, and those two were what took me away from school, what made my day more bearable. So I did do well in English class but whenever I was writing in my free time I couldn't help but think of English class and how I was writing so I could be better at it -- school turned my passion into a fucking competition, it made it a fucking commodity. This is a post I made on reddit, explaining mostly how I feel: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comm...=0e4027c7.

All right, so we've gotten to part of the problem here.

Dark chocolate in moderation is okay; it's not terrible and is much healthier than regular chocolate, and cocoa has benefits, though I'd put it in moderation. Coffee in moderation is also fine, and while caffeine isn't particularly addictive (it's incredibly mild), I can see how excessive caffeine consumption can be causing your issues.

One suggestion is to cut out the caffeine; it makes sleeping a lot more difficult and four hours of sleep means you're going to be constantly lethargic, depressed, and low-energy. Lack of sleep can also contribute to stress and aging, so sleep is very important.

It's natural for teens to sleep later due to biological clocks switching later in life. However, it's definitely possible to sleep earlier.

You could detox on the caffeine and see how it affects your sleeping schedule. I'm not sure of the other issue with being afraid to wake up; that definitely sounds like a psychological issue that needs to be checked out.

Hopefully you continue with writing/reading. I started drawing again and I noticed how much fucking different it felt since I left school. It didn't feel forced but rather... natural. Again, your headaches may or may not be caused by caffeine consumption.

Hope I've helped.

[Depression101]

(03-29-2017 07:40 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  

(03-29-2017 05:19 AM)Depression101 Wrote:  

(03-29-2017 03:49 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

My diet is okay. The only thing unhealthy is the coffee and dark chocolate. My sleep is horrible. As soon as I think of waking up comfy, in my own bed, a whole day ahead of me, all nice and warm and comfortable -- then reality sets in, I remember school and my feeling of hope crashes in on itself. In short, I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up. And so I stay up all night, watching old B-horror movies or sometimes blankly staring at the darkness, wondering why am I in so much pain. I'm lucky to get in four hours of sleep a night -- that's where the coffee and dark chocolate come in, they keep me awake at night.

In my free time, I tried to get back into playing video games like I did a few years ago but practically everything about it gave me a headache; I also like to read and love to write, and those two were what took me away from school, what made my day more bearable. So I did do well in English class but whenever I was writing in my free time I couldn't help but think of English class and how I was writing so I could be better at it -- school turned my passion into a fucking competition, it made it a fucking commodity. This is a post I made on reddit, explaining mostly how I feel: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comm...=0e4027c7.

All right, so we've gotten to part of the problem here.

Dark chocolate in moderation is okay; it's not terrible and is much healthier than regular chocolate, and cocoa has benefits, though I'd put it in moderation. Coffee in moderation is also fine, and while caffeine isn't particularly addictive (it's incredibly mild), I can see how excessive caffeine consumption can be causing your issues.

One suggestion is to cut out the caffeine; it makes sleeping a lot more difficult and four hours of sleep means you're going to be constantly lethargic, depressed, and low-energy. Lack of sleep can also contribute to stress and aging, so sleep is very important.

It's natural for teens to sleep later due to biological clocks switching later in life. However, it's definitely possible to sleep earlier.

You could detox on the caffeine and see how it affects your sleeping schedule. I'm not sure of the other issue with being afraid to wake up; that definitely sounds like a psychological issue that needs to be checked out.

Hopefully you continue with writing/reading. I started drawing again and I noticed how much fucking different it felt since I left school. It didn't feel forced but rather... natural. Again, your headaches may or may not be caused by caffeine consumption.

Hope I've helped.

Thanks, man. To be honest, I think the fear and anger in the morning are enough to keep me up a while. I'll try to cut out on those things. The headaches have been around longer than the coffee, so I seriously doubt it. I've been compulsively drinking four to six cups a day since about a month ago, the headaches started shortly after New Year's. I also have been feeling faint recently. Most likely because of stress and lack of sleep. I usually rest at home so the faintness only comes when I'm in Hell -- I meant school. I'll try to hold on but I'm climbing towards my fever pitch. And thank you for your advice and time, it was invaluable to me.

[James Comey]

You're welcome

Another underrated thing is hydration. Water is essential and your body uses much more resources with low water levels than with high. I assume your headaches are likely caused by stress.

[James Comey]

What country are you in Benjavaz?

[James Comey]

Ah, for whatever reason I thought you were German.

[James Comey]

Figures, no wonder.