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August 2001 - June 2017
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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.
I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.
I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.
I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.
I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.
Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.
Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.
-SoulRiser
The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. My contact details are here.
Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.
I'm going to jump in the same pool of having a dream log. ok so here is my first dream log:
erm Im into dream interpretation and in this dream i just had recently, it went like this:
I turned into a dog, a brown dog if thats anything, i dont know what breed, and i was roaming my school and people were snickering and laughing at me. I'm not sure because it is my developing morals and values they see and/or me being a bitch and/or being a joke. I'd say all three.
basically i was in my mom's room and i was being held hostage with one of my brothers, by these two people, one of my brothers and my mom. we were getting stabbed by them, not slow or quick, but just stabbing, they just wanted to stab us, they had this evil grin on their face, i dont get it, why them...and why the knives?
Ok, so.
I seem to be needing to hide from people from a huge monster truck. I went to hide in a next door neighbour's house. They found me and I think I got sexually abused which led to me wanting to suicide.
I had to shower but I couldn't let a man see me. So I tried to shower without being seen. Somehow I had a dildo...
So, after that part of the dream. I told some family member's I want to commit suicide and a few other people. Some of them didn't react much, including my family. I used the method of hanging myself from the shower. I was crying. I think I have passed away, I fell down, dying and crying. The image was slowly turning black. Or I might have fallen asleep...
Been a while since I had a dream in which I could still be able to remember after waking up.
Anyways, I remember a part of my dream. I messaged someone online which is a forbidden thing to message. [Basically it's back stabbing my friend and killing my friend if I message that person.] I also sent something through the mail for him and I do that to my friend...I also put a note saying don't tell my friend. My friend received a picture of the note or physically had it. Through chat he was like, "whats this :-)" I didn't answer. I changed subject. Then at some point, I looked up on Google Images how that forbidden person looks like. I've never seen him. Since he's gay and he is an evil manipulative person, last time I chat with him. I don't know if he's emo or not but somehow I "knew" and I searched up "gay emo fag" and images of a beautiful boy popped up. I was told by my friend he is attractive...
What the fuck is up with this dream? It's been months since I talked to that crap. It's in the past! I haven't been thinking of that crap for a little while now. Why did it resurface?! It was a nightmare having that dream. I literally thought it happened.
I forgot most of it but I remember that I was like being hated on by this one classmate that i have no talk or connection to. She was evil and competitive....Hm, just a nonsense dream.
It was a crazy dream. I had to do some challenge against other groups of people with my siblings to get rid of this humanoid evil thing. We needed to climb up a dam hill. I didn't continue, afraid I was gonna fall. Then the dream cut to another piece. I was in the kitchen with my siblings and I had one brother standing over me.
We were looking at one of my exes video talking to me. On a tablet. Now, when i dated my ex. He was a pig. Not big though. He ate crap food. Now i see him as fatter and imobile while video chatting. I think he is telling me he wants me back. His mindset has immaturity even though he's an adult. He is pouting and pleading. I'm not going back to him.
For fucks sake. I've been having the topic of incest in my dreams recently and hanging along with my siblings. What the hell.
So first me and my sibs made a man-made deep pool. It was pretty but the height a bit er. Then me and one of my bros decided to bang but we wanted to find like one of those Korean sex hotels. In this building filled with lots of businesses. It was like we were a couple. At the end we couldn't find one. Then some employee told us that the place isn't here anymore. We then discussed about the blackest material in the world.
This is an ancient account I have not used in a long time. My views have changed much in the intervening months and years.
Nonetheless, I refuse to clean it up. Pretending that I've held my current views since the beginning of time is what we in the industry call a lie. Asking people to do so contributes to moralistic self-loathing. "See, those people have nothing damning! I do! I'm truly vile!"
Because you can never be a good person with a single blemish on the moral record, I thought that simply entertaining some thoughts made me irredeemable. Though I don't care for his writing style, William Faulkner presents a good counterexample. He went from being a typical Southern racist to supporting the civil rights movement. These days we'd yell at him for that, probably.
People are allowed to change their views.
Nevertheless, this period of my life has informed some of how I am today. In good ways and bad ways. To purge it would be to do a disservice to history. Perhaps it will not make anyone sympathetic, but it may help someone understand.
If, after reading all this, you still decide to use the post above as evidence that I am evil today, ask yourself if you have never disagreed with the moral code you now follow. In all likelihood you did, at some point. If some questions are verboten, and the answer is "how dare you ask that," don't expect your ideological opponents to ever change their minds.
I moved out of an apartment because it was haunted and it wanted to kill either me or my friend. I moved back in the house i grew up. The apartment and my house were very close to each other and a new house was near us too.
The rowdy kids from school moved in and I predicted in my head, in the dream, that they will be partying loud. They didnt and i slept on the floor in my mom's room with my mom, like back when i was a little girl. (Not sexually...) My mom was talking to me and i was facing her and listening to her. But my house was haunted too. That girl from the well haunted my house inside a hole in my mom's bedroom.
I was stressed this week and i was thinking all the time, even during falling asleep, i dont remember exactly what else happened, i guess i woke up after that
So, I dreamed that I was in my backyard and I saw two black kittens walking across the green grass and it seems that we own them. I picked one and wanted to raise her right. (If i ever have kids, I would try my best for them to not be messed up like me and live a nice childhood and so forth)
I tried to raise the kitten right but the things around her weren't helping and I tried to stop them. The stupid ideas of other people and blah blah. I looked more closely at the kitty, I got scared of the kitty cause god damn her face was deformed. I ruined her, she was already ruined anyways. I couldn't help her. So now I'm scared by both kittens.
Then, I was like in this Toontown setting, in a gross video game with random characters, like it had the vibe of this trashy movie:
And I woke up like I was kinda stressed out
UPDATE (10/19/16): Haven't remembered my dreams, not enough dreaming to write down
(09-05-2016 01:48 AM)imasissy Wrote: For fucks sake. I've been having the topic of incest in my dreams recently and hanging along with my siblings. What the hell.
So first me and my sibs made a man-made deep pool. It was pretty but the height a bit er. Then me and one of my bros decided to bang but we wanted to find like one of those Korean sex hotels. In this building filled with lots of businesses. It was like we were a couple. At the end we couldn't find one. Then some employee told us that the place isn't here anymore. We then discussed about the blackest material in the world.
lmao.incest dreams are always great
Quote:I tried to raise the kitten right but the things around her weren't helping and I tried to stop them. The stupid ideas of other people and blah blah. I looked more closely at the kitty, I got scared of the kitty cause god damn her face was deformed. I ruined her, she was already ruined anyways. I couldn't help her. So now I'm scared by both kittens.
using what rubbish skills of interpretation i have i'd say that dream reeks of self doubt
used to have similar dreams except i'd harm animals that i cared a great deal about. still haven't come up with an explanation for that
(09-05-2016 01:48 AM)imasissy Wrote: For fucks sake. I've been having the topic of incest in my dreams recently and hanging along with my siblings. What the hell.
So first me and my sibs made a man-made deep pool. It was pretty but the height a bit er. Then me and one of my bros decided to bang but we wanted to find like one of those Korean sex hotels. In this building filled with lots of businesses. It was like we were a couple. At the end we couldn't find one. Then some employee told us that the place isn't here anymore. We then discussed about the blackest material in the world.
lmao.incest dreams are always great
Quote:I tried to raise the kitten right but the things around her weren't helping and I tried to stop them. The stupid ideas of other people and blah blah. I looked more closely at the kitty, I got scared of the kitty cause god damn her face was deformed. I ruined her, she was already ruined anyways. I couldn't help her. So now I'm scared by both kittens.
using what rubbish skills of interpretation i have i'd say that dream reeks of self doubt
used to have similar dreams except i'd harm animals that i cared a great deal about. still haven't come up with an explanation for that
I wonder how you like them incest dreams
and i agree on you on the second part
Oh boy. ***This is a warning if you don't want to get gloomy, go wank off instead***
I had a dream that I was in school, it looked different. I was in p.e./gym class. And i got a note to go to class M-11. I tried to find it but i couldn't and then i saw my class climb up the stairs, p.e. was done. Some kid slapped the paper off my hand and then another tried taking my phone. It wasn't a good day so far in distorted school. So i cried like a baby.
Then it was the next class and we had to pick groups, who to work with. I saw some people I don't see in school/are new to me. But then I saw my first love. I choose to work with him and a few other people joined. I felt contempt in the dream, when I saw him and when I went to sit with him. All the while, this song played, yeah...
But I woke up before anything else happened. It was like seeing a good friend again. Like a best friend. I was smiling and I was glad but now I feel bittersweet.
(But the thing is, I met him online, we never met in person, nor have I heard his voice, or know how he moves, I have seen his face and know he is a tall lanky dude)
This song I know, made me dream of this. It's a sad song btw, if you don't want to get gloomy.
I had a disgusting dream. *** Gruesome sexual acts ***
So, I remember that I said fuck you and fuck off to a daughter of one of the teachers. I have one of his classes. He called me up one day with his daughter. He told me he is going to put this on colleges and stuff. Took offence to that. I silently said fuck you and fuck off again.
Then it was me and him in my bathroom. We planned on doing sexual acts. Ffs. I find no appeal to him in real life. Idk why this damn dream. So I was on my menstrual cycle but he didn't care he wanted to eat me out still. So he pushed me against holding my hips to his face against the door and against the shower wall. He didn't eat me a lot. Was trying to find a good position. Then he wanted to actually put his part in but someone came home and i had to hide him..
Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it. Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence. Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living. Follow me on Twitter!
This is an ancient account I have not used in a long time. My views have changed much in the intervening months and years.
Nonetheless, I refuse to clean it up. Pretending that I've held my current views since the beginning of time is what we in the industry call a lie. Asking people to do so contributes to moralistic self-loathing. "See, those people have nothing damning! I do! I'm truly vile!"
Because you can never be a good person with a single blemish on the moral record, I thought that simply entertaining some thoughts made me irredeemable. Though I don't care for his writing style, William Faulkner presents a good counterexample. He went from being a typical Southern racist to supporting the civil rights movement. These days we'd yell at him for that, probably.
People are allowed to change their views.
Nevertheless, this period of my life has informed some of how I am today. In good ways and bad ways. To purge it would be to do a disservice to history. Perhaps it will not make anyone sympathetic, but it may help someone understand.
If, after reading all this, you still decide to use the post above as evidence that I am evil today, ask yourself if you have never disagreed with the moral code you now follow. In all likelihood you did, at some point. If some questions are verboten, and the answer is "how dare you ask that," don't expect your ideological opponents to ever change their minds.
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