I'm not well.

[Land Of The NotSoFree]

I want to drop out and get my GED. Go to community college and take some classes that might grab my attention. I've been in highschool four years now and I feel my time there is done. I'm behind in credits and really don't want to stay any longer or even bother to make the credits up, because it's alot to make up. I honestly have no idea how I'm not being watched or on probation or whatever.. I don't attend alot of classes, I've been absent so many times over my four years here, Im SERIOUSLY behind in credits and nobody gives a shit.

So because I was so behind, I started to really think about highschool and if it really mattered or not. So I thought up some things I found interesting, like how almost everybody forgets 90% of the things they "learned" in highschool. I have a big problem with math class, because highschool math is the most pointless crap that nobody will ever do again unless they want to become a scientist or whatever shit I dont even know. In my opinion grade school math is all you need and it should be practiced often. Then I found this website and it was like I struck gold. I never would've thought there are others that thought of highschool almost the exact same way I did, to an even greater extent. I'm civilized, I'm disciplined and I want to leave highschool already. My parents don't understand me, and I can't even bother to explain to them what I really want because everytime I really want to tell them how I feel and what I plan on doing I.. I don't know, I just don't spill it all out as I should. The cat gets my tongue.

So today after yet another arguement and hearing the same shit my mom has been telling me for so long (I've told her certain things but I don't think she actually listens to me one bit) I get mad. She busts out the "what do you have to do? just go to school. you don't cook or clean or do anything else but that" comments and it got to me. I actually have other personal problems that Id seriously never talk to anybody about.. anyway my dad tells me "Well what do you plan on doing with your life? Just sit there on your games and phone forever?" Of course not... I just can't tell them anything and I have trouble letting out what I personally feel when I really need to..but I will eventually. They tell me that all I want to do is play games and use the computer. Thats not true at all. They leave and I just start to not think straight... I thought about breaking my Playstation 3 just to show them thats not what i want, and I could survive without it. I don't even use the computer often either.

So out of nowhere I start to cry...Im not the type to cry for things at all so Im shocked at myself..I start crying and while im at it I couldnt tell what I was really crying about. The talks they give me just piled up I guess, knowing what I really want to do and not being able to do it got to me also. What Im really concerned about is I started telling myself "Whats wrong with me?" and "Somebody help me" while crying on the damn floor. I'm a grown ass 17 year old boy. I shouldn't be doing something like that, hell im still in shock... why the hell did I do that?

I just wish I could do what I want. I feel like i'm being held prisoner. Forced to do things against my will. Because of this whole mess I've really started to hate the police and I even call america "land of the not so free". I don't want to be labeled as lazy, dumb, troubled, or anything else people think is typical for dropouts. As long as I'm in high school I won't be well. I want to learn on my own, in my own way and start working on achieving my dreams