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+--- Thread: Pieman's NaPo (/showthread.php?tid=4977)
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Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-01-2010 11:10 PM
So here it is, the thread that will house my poems for the next 30 days. Criticism approved. And yes...I know I fail at writing poetry very much. SO..here 'goes.
Day 1-
You may think poetry is tough.
Nothing in your head ever seems to click.
But when writing poetry remember ~
There is no real trick.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Vatman - 04-02-2010 01:20 AM
I didn't expect it to rhyme.....caught me off guard....I was expecting something intense and thought provoking and got a smirk instead. Good on ya.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - AWOL - 04-02-2010 01:39 AM
I laughed, honestly I did. Not good when I'm meant to be in bed, but oh well.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-02-2010 02:03 AM
Humorous? Meh. Okay. Whatever works. And - thanks Vatman. Hm..intense and thought provoking eh? Well I DO have Apr. 2nd's written up, but I'm uneasy about it. Guess we'll see.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - CrayolaColours - 04-02-2010 03:32 AM
I didn't find it funny. I found it cute.
I'm so weird.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-03-2010 12:49 AM
Day 2-
Your happiness
Their sadness.
His smile
Her frown.
Hear them calling
Hear our voices.
Not thought provoking enough for you? We'll see how tomorrow goes.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - CrayolaColours - 04-03-2010 01:53 AM
Why am I the only one that sucks?
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Absnt - 04-03-2010 04:39 AM
CrayolaColours Wrote:Why am I the only one that sucks?
yer not.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - genuine anarchist - 04-03-2010 05:02 AM
I liked the first poem. It's good to see poetry that doesn't take itself too seriously, and it conveys a true message.
The second poem was good, except for the third stanza. Is there some kind of parallelism involved? Like in the first stanza, it talks constrasts singular and plural, along with happiness and sadness? And the second one contrast male and female along with happiness and disappointment? The third one seems so out of place. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - AWOL - 04-03-2010 09:44 AM
genuine anarchist Wrote:I liked the first poem. It's good to see poetry that doesn't take itself too seriously, and it conveys a true message.
The second poem was good, except for the third stanza. Is there some kind of parallelism involved? Like in the first stanza, it talks constrasts singular and plural, along with happiness and sadness? And the second one contrast male and female along with happiness and disappointment? The third one seems so out of place. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
No, I thought that too. *shrugs* What would I know? This is a job for Vatman.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - CrayolaColours - 04-03-2010 09:48 AM
I liked it... but I know nothing. We need to call in Vatman.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-03-2010 10:07 AM
AWOL Wrote:genuine anarchist Wrote:I liked the first poem. It's good to see poetry that doesn't take itself too seriously, and it conveys a true message.
The second poem was good, except for the third stanza. Is there some kind of parallelism involved? Like in the first stanza, it talks constrasts singular and plural, along with happiness and sadness? And the second one contrast male and female along with happiness and disappointment? The third one seems so out of place. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
No, I thought that too. *shrugs* What would I know? This is a job for Vatman.
Muahaha it's working. And yes. Vatman's opinon would be appreciated.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Vatman - 04-03-2010 05:27 PM
I'm yours dear man of 3.14 ...thats right. I rhymed.
The poem
Hidden stuff:
What you wrote was a poem about feminism. I dare someone to give me an argument against that =p. Its a great poem if that was your intended message....I just feel like it wasn't.
Abstract thought provoking poems...need to have less relate-able words. By starting the poem off with "your"...its sort of second person persuasion raining down on us. Its no longer something we hold in ideal form...its now me being apart of the poem.
Didn't mean to be harsh...it really is a good poem. With great power comes great responsibility and all that spider man bullshit ya know.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-04-2010 12:29 AM
Vatman Wrote:What you wrote was a poem about feminism.
Wasn't intended to be that at all. More like, half thought provoking, half winging it. I'm genuinely surprised. It's like playing Poetry Roulette! Anyway, thanks for the opinion Vatman. Everyone, here'sDay 3-
Time
There's not much left.
Why
Can't I find my way.
Hope
Is there any to spare?
Darkness
Filling inside of me.
Nothing
Left but memories.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-05-2010 02:46 AM
Day 4-
Cunning, Quiet, Stealthy.
Hunters of the household.
Cruel, Merciless, Unyielding.
They do not regret their deeds.
Few in number, yet
Strong in will.
Loyal only to those who serve.
Resting only for nourishment.
They watch. They prowl. They lurk.
Our feline friends reign supreme.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-06-2010 06:40 AM
Nobody's commenting.
Oh well.Day 5-
Where will we go,
When the war starts?
What will happen,
When the fighting begins?
How many will be lost
In the torrent of fear and bloodshed?
When light fades from their eyes
And only darkness is left
Where will we go?
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Sanjuro - 04-06-2010 06:48 AM
Thats hawt....
Re: Pieman's NaPo - CrayolaColours - 04-06-2010 08:29 AM
Sanjuro Wrote:Thats hawt....Seconded
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Hanny - 04-06-2010 10:40 AM
I'm from England, the home of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, and I endorse this topic.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-06-2010 12:02 PM
YAY Comments. =D Thank you all.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-07-2010 10:30 AM
Day 6-
Endless fear, Rushed heart
Terrible images in all directions.
Soldiers once proud
Soldiers once strong.
No more soldiers, are there.
Bloodstained earth, and
Blackened bodies litter.
People ask " Why did this happen? "
No answer, do they get.
Lay silent, do thousands
Who merely were protecting their homeland.
Gone now, are they.
But the war has never left.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-08-2010 06:53 AM
Day 7-
Long, Dark, Sleek.
Covering everything it finds.
Beautiful, yet fatal.
It helps for hiding, and disguises too.
Lost in the darkness,
Fear and dread.
You better watch out,
The black mass will eat your head!
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-09-2010 11:04 AM
Day 8-
Shiny, white, and pretty.
Following along with you.
Drawing attention and,
Brightening up moods.
Best thing in the world,
This beautiful sight is.
Gone, may it never be.
For this smile is
And extraordinary thing indeed!
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Vatman - 04-09-2010 11:09 AM
TELL ME WHAT THIS THING IS BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR THIRD KIDNEY!!!
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-09-2010 11:28 AM
Vatman Wrote:TELL ME WHAT THIS THING IS BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR THIRD KIDNEY!!!
Er, which one are you referring to?
Re: Pieman's NaPo - AWOL - 04-09-2010 06:25 PM
It's a smile.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-10-2010 12:27 PM
Day 9-
Broken, Lost, and Forgotten
How many are there now?
Abandoned, Cold, and Banished
Cared for by none.
Weak, Beaten, and Defeated
The average, everyday soldiers march on.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-11-2010 11:13 PM
Day 10-
This poem, short.
Spare time, none.
I wrote this very quickly,
Now off to bed I go.
------
Day 11-
Happiness..
Such a vague word.
Clouded in thought and,
always so faraway.
Seeming so impossible,
Like you'll never accomplish it.
But never fear,
There is always a way.
Just don't give up.
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Sanjuro - 04-11-2010 11:17 PM
I like them and your general stylo
Re: Pieman's NaPo - Pieman - 04-13-2010 07:10 AM
Day 12-
Greatest person ever,
Always there for you.
Better than Superman, Iron-man, or Batman,
Always coming to the rescue.
Raising from birth with nurture and love.
Always forgiving, gentle as a dove.
This mother is one of the best,
Her children are definitely blessed.