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parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Printable Version

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parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-09-2014 06:18 AM

They ask me at least 100 times a day about my homework, badger me about my grades, (they know because Parent Connect) and punish me when I get bad grades.

When I get grades below a C on my report card, I get every single thing taken away. I get my phone, iPod, computer, video games, EVERYTHING I LOVE TAKEN AWAY. IT'S INSANE AND MAKES ME HAVE ANXIETY ATTACKS WHENEVER I GET BAD GRADES ON TESTS KNOWING THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE TAKEN AWAY IF I GET BAD GRADES. I GET SO STRESSED OUT IT'S UNREAL. Whenever my parents ask me about my grades, I try to explain my reasoning but it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to convince my dad about anything! I try to explain and he interrupts IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXPLAINING. LET ME EXPLAIN GOD DAMNIT. I have to raise my voice over him to finish explaining, then he raises, and it goes on and on and on until it gets EXPLOSIVE, and it makes my mom cry, I can't be happy like this. I have holes in my walls and have broke tons of things in the house because of this.

I get everything taken away until my grades are back up.
Imagine having the music you like to listen to taken away? IT IS PURE HELL AND DEPRESSING, IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE.
If I have my computer taken away, I can't communicate with people on chatrooms (like here for example) I can't work on my music, or work in photoshop for my photography! I don't do anything with friends after school, and I'm trying to get that fixed by getting friends' phone numbers so I can text them, and when I can't text them, I can't plan to hang out. So I have no one to hang out with either.

My parents have made my life complete hell with this.
They believe that grades show what you learn.
They say that they will get me a counselor but they never have. They've been saying they are going to get a counselor but they NEVER HAVE MADE ANY APPOINTMENTS. IF YOU ARE GOING TO SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING, DO IT!

It's also unbelievable how they treat me like I'm still in elementary school..

/end rant


ugh...


parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-09-2014 07:33 AM

And since I had D's on my last report card it's going away when I get the report card.

I got B's and D's, and even if my GPA ends up being like a 2.0 they won't care because I "still have a D".

Help me. I wanna die.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - xcriteria - 11-09-2014 03:16 PM

That sounds horrible, and yet it's also all-too-common.

I wonder, what might help in your situation?

I'm working with some others on establishing a support network that would include mentoring/counseling, but also do things like engage in dialogue, education, and mediation with parents and schools.

Grades are such an archaic representation of knowledge, and yet they play a disproportionately huge role in the minds of many parents.

One question is, what are your ideas about what you'd like to do in the future?

Another is, what are your parents' ideas about your future? What would they like to see, or not see... and why do they place so much.importance on grades?

Do they want you to attend a selective college, or excel in particular careers, or just earn some kind of living?

There are definitely paths in life, including ways to earn a living where all these grades will mean absolutely nothing. Exploring and figuring out even some tentative plans for the future might provide a way to help your parents step back.from this hyper-focus on grades.

If you'd like, I can introduce you to some parents and teachers who agree, and who could be open to talking to your parents if they'd be open to that and you think it might help.

One option if school isn't working for you is to consider a path to early enrollment in.a college that won't care about your high school grades. Whether this might make sense depends on a lot of factors, but it might be something to discuss with your parents.

Another angle to work is to do what you can to talk to your teachers, and see if there are ways to get your grades up. If the issue is learning material that will be tested on, and you're not learning effectively in school there.may be better ways to learn that I or others couldhelp you explore.

Part of the support network concept I have in mind, but which we haven't tried, is creating something like a letter to show to teachers that outlines the problem including the problems with school itself for some kinds of learners, and appeals to them to consider what they might do to help... whether working with you to improve things, or even talking with your parents and try to work out a less toxic response to the situation than punishments.

For anxiety, there are some methods that could help, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), metacognition in general, and approaches like meditation and relaxation exercises.

For the household conflict, one approach would be for all of you to learn some better ways of dealing with high-intensity situations, like those discussed in the book Crucial Conversations, linked in my sig below.

It might also help to discuss your situation with StuVoice. What they're about, in general is promoting the idea that student perspective matters, and shouldn't just be buried and ignored. But, that's all too common in school-as-usual, and even more so among students who really need a different kind of learning environment than the default one schools provide.

On that note, would you mind if I share this thread in their FB group for some more follow-up and input there?

One way or another, things will get better, and you've found a lot of people here who care and will do what they can to help. Smile


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - xcriteria - 11-09-2014 03:20 PM

You might find this blog post from high school teacher Justin Schwamm interesting and/or relevant. Maybe even show it to your parents if you think it could help promote constructive discussion.

http://joyfullatinlearning.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/taking-stuff-away/


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Mo the jo - 11-09-2014 04:56 PM

Oh yeah. I can relate to you. I don't show report cards to my parents, because they'd punish me for it. Often times, though, parents tend to do this because they have no other idea how to react to grades. Try writing it down when they aren't looking, so they don't have anyone to shout at.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-10-2014 01:27 AM

read a book or something jeez


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - KFC Nyan Cat - 11-10-2014 10:27 AM

(11-10-2014 01:27 AM)Username Wrote:  read a book or something jeez

Is it a foreign concept to you that not everyone likes books? Sure they end up stupider but that doesn't mean that they are wrong for not liking books.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Sharpie - 11-10-2014 11:12 AM

Since when did stupider become a word?


Read a book ponyfag


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - brainiac3397 - 11-10-2014 01:53 PM

Not liking books sounds implausible IMO. In ma mind a book is pretty much any pieces of paper held together by a binding with written text on the writing medium(in most cases paper).

A newspaper would not be a book till you staple the spine fyi.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-10-2014 10:28 PM

I like to read. I do NOT, however, enjoy being FORCED to read something I could care less about; especially when I have to answer questions and add on to the book. (narratives, paragraphs, essays, etc)If it's not in the book, it means that the author is done with the book and wouldn't add any of this extra crap we have to add in for our assignments into the book.

@x

Thank you so very much. I will edit this and write further when I get home, along with explaining how I can't hide my grades.
I would appreciate if you do share this though.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - sswbm - 11-10-2014 11:21 PM

(11-10-2014 01:27 AM)Username Wrote:  read a book or something jeez

Joining the school side?


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-10-2014 11:48 PM

(11-10-2014 11:21 PM)Jop Wrote:  
(11-10-2014 01:27 AM)Username Wrote:  read a book or something jeez

Joining the school side?

Do you happen to be man of lesser intelligence?


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-11-2014 02:02 AM

You started all this; so I think the question here is..

Are YOU a man of lesser intelligence for starting all this? Ask yourself this.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-11-2014 02:24 AM

(11-11-2014 02:02 AM)c00ldud3 Wrote:  You started all this; so I think the question here is..

Are YOU a man of lesser intelligence for starting all this? Ask yourself this.

Telling someone to read books in order to become a more sophisticated, more well-rounded person isn't "supportin da systeym maaaaaaan"
I do, however, think that complaining about "losing mah vidya, mah pleb ipad" instead of finding interesting, useful hobbies to engage in, is a fairly idiotic thing to do.

As for your suggestion, the answer was a swift "No", because I lack the understanding that confrontation indicates a lack of smarts and such.

Man, I'd be so good at arguing about shit that doesn't matter if I just tried....
woowayweeeey, raise a glass to drink to that!


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-11-2014 03:50 AM

While I agree that Jop went a little overboard saying that, you overreacted a little bit.
"I do, however, think that complaining about 'losing mah vidya, mah pleb ipad' instead of finding interesting, useful hobbies to engage in, is a fairly idiotic thing to do."
First of all, my iPod contains music that can calm me down and bring me peace. You have no idea how hard life can be without the music that you love. I do photography as a hobby, I like to write, play outside activities, make music, and study meteorology. Tell me, are those useless? Surprise me.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-11-2014 03:54 AM

(11-11-2014 03:50 AM)c00ldud3 Wrote:  First of all, my iPod contains music that can calm me down and bring me peace. You have no idea how hard life can be without the music that you love. I do photography as a hobby, I like to write, play outside activities, make music, and study meteorology. Tell me, are those useless? Surprise me.

Do you really need an iPad to write, do outside activities, make music and study meteorology?
You can do all of that shit without a computer m8!


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-11-2014 04:02 AM

Ipod.

Ipod is for listening to MUSIC.
and I need the computer to make music (FL Studio)
To make edits to my photos I need to use Photoshop, which is on the computer.
Most things in meteorology books I already know, based on my main interest which is tropical cyclones
outdoor activities is the only thing that doesn't need technology.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-11-2014 04:12 AM

(11-11-2014 04:02 AM)c00ldud3 Wrote:  Ipod.

Ipod is for listening to MUSIC.
and I need the computer to make music (FL Studio)
To make edits to my photos I need to use Photoshop, which is on the computer.
Most things in meteorology books I already know, based on my main interest which is tropical cyclones
outdoor activities is the only thing that doesn't need technology.

jeez, i misread it, dont get so pissy about it, eh? xd


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - c00ldud3 - 11-11-2014 04:47 AM

xd

I'm not mad lol

Just trying to get a point across and it's hard to do that without seeming like you're mad sometimes


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-11-2014 04:49 AM

(11-11-2014 04:47 AM)c00ldud3 Wrote:  xd

I'm not mad lol

Just trying to get a point across and it's hard to do that without seeming like you're mad sometimes

tr00


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - brainiac3397 - 11-11-2014 05:43 AM

I listen to beethoven as I fly of carpet of doom spraying hot flaming fluids down on the infidel denizens of murikana.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - xcriteria - 11-11-2014 06:21 AM

(11-11-2014 02:24 AM)Username Wrote:  Telling someone to read books in order to become a more sophisticated, more well-rounded person isn't "supportin da systeym maaaaaaan"
I do, however, think that complaining about "losing mah vidya, mah pleb ipad" instead of finding interesting, useful hobbies to engage in, is a fairly idiotic thing to do.

Suggesting reading books or using other print material is reasonable.

The problem is, by giving one-line "hah, just do that, sucker" comment, in response to a detailed explanation of a legitimate set of problems, you're overlooking a lot of things.

We've been through this enough times. The "edgy" suck-it-up-and-deal-with-it kinds of responses may have value in challenging endless complaining, but they're not helpful in the form that ignores the details of a person and their situation.

I'm going to quote SoulRiser from a post she wrote a few months back, reflecting on the history of the forums:

SoulRiser Wrote:Somewhere around the middle of 2007... things started changing.

I don't think I can trace it back to any particular people... but somehow the atmosphere changed. It was more critical... slightly arrogant, even. At some point the regular members just didn't like most of the new members, because many of them cludnt splel prplerly, and whined a lot about stuff the regulars were tired of hearing about by now... regardless of the fact that the regulars at the time weren't exactly brilliant when they first joined, either, and obviously had many of the same problems at some point. People begged me to make the forums harder to find, so that more "intelligent" people would join, because they'd have to actually look around more to find the link. I obeyed... because the community should decide how things work, right?"

That sort of attitude developed into a whole "edgy" subculture, and that's a long story. Some people say the like the harsh exchanges and they are good for people, others can't stand them and it drives them away.

But I think there are better ways to express the basic idea that "endless complaining isn't the answer," while still recognizing the value of opening up and expressing how one feels and what one is dealing with.

The key is to move from venting, to some kind of problem-solving... and sometimes acceptance, at least temporarily... but too much acceptance can lead to learned helplessness and apathy.

I wrote a pretty long post about some of those things, with links:
Help-rejecting complaining, metacognition, and change.

Anyway, some of us are trying to see what we can really do to help change situations.

Username Wrote:I do, however, think that complaining about 'losing mah vidya, mah pleb ipad' instead of finding interesting, useful hobbies to engage in, is a fairly idiotic thing to do.

It's worth putting this in context. We're all privileged to varying degrees to even have access to this technology and connectivity in the first place. It's certainly possible to live life without digital technology and connectivity, as most humans throughout history have.

It's worth noting the conditions a lot of young people (and people in general) are living with at this very moment. In fact, this short clip from the course Designing a New Learning Environment provides a sense of what I'm talking about. This is Paul Kim from Stanford explaining the process he goes through when asked for help with developing and enhancing education programs. Note that many of the places he works in don't have compulsory education, in fact they might not even have books or schools anything like what people are complaining about here.



Watch on YouTube

That's a whole world to explore, the reality of other people's lives. But at the same time, all our lives are also real. (See Desu's "Best of" thread, Other people's lives are as real as your own.

So, back to the situation of students in connected, technology-rich, compulsory-school situations... where >$100k per student is generally spent on K-12 education. The argument is often made, why complain, if you have all that, relative to having almost nothing.

But that argument obscures the very real problem of why things have to be that way. Why is the focus on grades and compliance with ill-fitting assignments, rather than figuring out how teach learner can best learn? Why does all the frustration and misery induced by much of school-as-usual have to be justified as "worthwhile adversity," when there are many more effective and meaningful ways to encounter challenges and adversity, for a reason?

We're at a time in history where it's worth asking why. Increasingly, people all of the world are getting access to connectivity, whether or not they have "factory-model schools" in their area. So one question is, how can we all make the most of the technology, time, and opportunities available to us?

(End speech Razz)


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - KFC Nyan Cat - 11-11-2014 07:23 AM

(11-10-2014 11:12 AM)Sharpie Wrote:  Since when did stupider become a word?


Read a book ponyfag

Stupider = slang.

I don't really not like books. I say that sometimes, but I really just don't like fiction books (which is what we are expected to read in school.)


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Missile - 11-11-2014 08:56 AM

I smell a pissing contest



I Get grounded if I get a B - on my report card


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - MrAnonymous - 11-11-2014 05:28 PM

My school tries to make me a better reader by making us read those boring (yet award-winning) books and doing work on them. What a great way to become better at reading!


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-11-2014 11:57 PM

(11-11-2014 05:28 PM)MrAnonymous Wrote:  My school tries to make me a better reader by making us read those boring (yet award-winning) books and doing work on them. What a great way to become better at reading!

>kalevipoeg
>award-winning

hah


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - brainiac3397 - 11-12-2014 03:28 AM

Every book reminds some sort of award lol


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Username - 11-12-2014 04:55 AM

(11-12-2014 03:28 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Every book reminds some sort of award lol

I tend to associate critically acclaimed and award-winning even if the two are not interchangeable.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - KFC Nyan Cat - 11-12-2014 07:04 AM

(11-11-2014 05:28 PM)MrAnonymous Wrote:  My school tries to make me a better reader by making us read those boring (yet award-winning) books and doing work on them. What a great way to become better at reading!

This is what all schools do.


RE: parents have made my school experience 100% more hellish. - Missile - 11-12-2014 08:37 AM

THe books I want to read are never in the school library.

All those "classics" are really boring, why are they so popular in the first place?