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Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - Printable Version

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Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - scorchededge243 - 05-10-2014 03:41 AM

Today was my last day of school and we got out early (woo hoo-sarcastic btw) and all I want to do his a refresh button on my life. Somehow stop my parents from moving me all across the country, no friends to celebrate with and I'm home alone while my parents are looking for an expensive car to go with their new expensive house Grindteeth

Yeah yeah oh woe is me you can just make fun of me. I don't care. I'm debating whether to bang my head against the wall or just take some sleeping pills. I literally have nothing to live for!Hiding this is me btw < I wanted to do that all day! Everyone's so happy and accepting (just today really) and I wanted to hide in the bathroom. I have plans for my life but they all so ridiculousCry2 that I just don't know. And to add on to my list of issues I'm bisexual, mostly gay and I can't tell my parents. I don't trust them and even then who cares?? No guy will want me because I'm so fucking ugly and yada yada.

Oh, and you know what's funny? I've been cold and hateful to just about everyone in my senior class and this guy saw me walking home, and offered to give me a ride. Wasn't that far anyway but I took it and he invited to some hunting trip thing. I don't care, but I'm really shocked he did that.

If you read all that I'm proud of you and if not then that's all right too. Doesn't make much of a difference.


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - isolatedsystem - 05-10-2014 03:46 AM

Quote:all I want to do is a refresh button on my life
I wish that too...


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - Ky - 05-10-2014 05:07 AM

Proud of us for reading? No - we're proud of you for sharing your emotions with us in an honest way; few have the courage to reveal their inner worlds, particularly due to our society suppressing conversations about how one feels.

The guy who offered you a ride is probably thinking the same thing we are: that you're not as bad as you think you are, that you're worth being a friend of, and that you look like you could use some help.

Anyway, today was also my last day of school, and I also got out early; even earlier considering I chose not to attend the school's lame-ass barbecue. You've probably got more figured out that I have - and plus, I had to walk home Razz

My point is, you've probably got something to live for. What could it be? Do you have any ideas?


RE: Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - Cianna200 - 05-10-2014 05:37 AM

You are not alone, I'm also bisexual and wouldn't think of you as a loser. I used to bear grudges toward everyone cause I hated the way humankind has created living. Though I've recently been trying to see the good in people but it isn't so easy. The psychological abuse that I went through made me just want to quit on life, to say goodbye to the most wicked beings that ever existed and to put an end to my misery but It took only one person to make me change my mind, my 8th grade English teacher. I than develop fantasy prone personality (FPP) and maladaptive daydreaming disorder in response to the judgmental world, another reason that kept me going. I learned to love myself unconditionally and you should keep striving to be the beautiful person you want to be.


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - SoulRiser - 05-10-2014 09:24 AM

Hug

Maybe the new place will be better?


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - brainiac3397 - 05-10-2014 11:35 AM

Note that when outside the made-up society of the school environment, people behave somewhat differently.


RE: Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - scorchededge243 - 05-10-2014 04:10 PM

(05-10-2014 11:35 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Note that when outside the made-up society of the school environment, people behave somewhat differently.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?


RE: Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - xcriteria - 05-10-2014 11:16 PM

Definitely, a lot of people feel like that sometimes. In your case, one thing you have going for you is that you do have an opportunity to help write the next chapter in your life. It's not a total reset button, but it's a lot more of a reset button than many people have in front of them!

The question is how to make the most of that freedom, in a world that has a lot of constraints. Time, for one thing. Backstory, for another. Money and other resources, for another. And not to mention, only being one place at one time (except what can be mediated by technology. Biggrin)

And, not every plan can be put into action. But planning, even if some of the plans seem ridiculous, can be a starting point for exploring what you might want to do.

On the note of other people's experiences with dark points in life, you might want to look back at rockstarjim22's thread, I am a freak, and check the video there.

I think we need to do another one. (And speaking of plans, that could be part of this summer series plan... which you might be interesting in taking part in.)

In the meantime, here's Mani, a psychiatrist I've met on G+, explaining one key to climbing out of depression:

Hidden stuff:

So, not only do others feel the same way, but others have made the path out. As Mani explains there, one step forward is to "look at how you look at things."

Cue lecture... Razz

One term for that is metacognition... thinking about thinking, learning about learning. A related one is mindfulness. It's perfectly legitimate to feel despair at times, and see the dark sides of life, but there is so much more than just that.

(One tool for doing all that is called reframing [3m.])

Continuing on that theme...

EL Kersten, co-founder of Despair, Inc. (the de-motivational products company), talks about some of the different ways to look at life in his dark but informative TEDx talk:

Hidden stuff:

The talk has 4 basic parts:

1 - introduction to EL Kerstin's backstory, and the founding of Despair, Inc.
2 - explanation of the concept of narrative identity
3 - dark-comedic run-through of why some demotivational posters appeal to people
4 - uplifting conclusion about how life is a story, where you can write your own next chapter

In practice, the story of your life is written by a combination of your conscious and unconscious choices, and factors beyond your control. But, by looking at what you can influence, and learning to see yourself as the captain of your own learning and choices, a lot of doors can open up that may at first be hard to find.

So, how do you make sense of the future?

One way to figure that out is to learn about the paths others have taken. In traditional school environments, and many families, people aren't exposed to that big a variety of life stories. Even watching TV, it can be hard to find stories that are good building blocks to draw from for figuring out your own life (at least in my experience.)

But, I've found that with some exploration, useful stories are out there.

On that note, John Green of vlogbrothers talks about maps, learning, and connecting with learning communities in this TEDx talk.

Hidden stuff:

Another place to look for insight into the future can be in making sense of the past. Your posts here indicate to me that you have a lot of potential. You're exploring your options and asking what's possible. That's more than a lot of people do!

In one, you mentioned maybe being a teacher. In the 21st century, that can take in many different forms than the traditional one of classroom manager. On the topic of going from despair to teaching, anthropologist Michael Wesch has a story in this short clip, about his search to figure things out... which led him to Papua New Guinea.



Watch on YouTube

In another, you asked, Has High School taught you any real world stuff?

It's a good question, and the fact that many people say "not much" is a clue to what's wrong with education. That provides a path to asking about what is important in real life.

Before that, you asked about MOOC Campus, one of many attempts out there at developing innovative learning communities. Things like this are just a starting point for thinking about what's possible in the world.

Peter Thiel's fellowship is another, but obviously that's extremely selective. It's just one of many possible options, though... and you can hear some Thiel's thoughts from talks like his recent one about luck, Peter Thiel: You Are Not a Lottery Ticket - SXSW Interactive 2013.

While I'm at it, another one of those different-than-college learning approaches, which happens to be in NC, like MOOC Campus, is Mycelium. One of its founders gave a very upbeat TEDx talk, that also explores how many things are changing and transforming when it comes to learning in the 21st century.

Hidden stuff:

With all that said (and linked), sometimes it's useful to just have a conversation, or a series of them. When good conversation is missing from your in-person life, what do you do? That gets into the whole question of meeting people. But, given that you've already connected with some people online (even if just through this site), that's one starting point.

If you want to talk, PM me, or check out the chat (just stick around for a while or come back if it's quiet or chaotic Biggrin)


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - scorchededge243 - 05-12-2014 04:29 PM

You all were so helpful and I'm very grateful Smile


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - SoulRiser - 05-13-2014 01:54 AM

So how are you doing now? Hug


Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves? - Desu - 05-13-2014 10:32 AM

I've wanted to kill myself before. Glad I didn't, shit gets better, big world, big life. It would have been such a waste.