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Can Someone Review my Poem? - Printable Version

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Can Someone Review my Poem? - Illuzion - 05-02-2014 08:04 AM

It's a free verse that took me over an hour to write. I'm quite proud, but my mom says it's inappropriate so I turned to the internet to make the final decision if I should tweak it or not.
Fucking Ducks am I Right?
Sometime when I step on a duck (quack)
I just want to say fuck
Because it made me trip and fall
And then I broke through a wall
I was in a very strange land
Of people wearing nothing but a rubber band
And then I woke up from the dream
To find things aren't as they seem
A reindeer prancing on my bed
And a little mouse riding on a moped
Then I said:
AHHHHHHHHHH GAWWWWD I'VE LOST MY FUUUUUCKING MIIIND

It could use some small changes I'm sure.


Can Someone Review my Poem? - LadyKira - 05-02-2014 08:05 AM

Is this for school? and if it is what class?


RE: Can Someone Review my Poem? - Illuzion - 05-02-2014 08:06 AM

(05-02-2014 08:05 AM)Lollipopgirl Wrote:  Is this for school? and if it is what class?
It's for my favourite teacher in Math c:


RE: Can Someone Review my Poem? - LadyKira - 05-02-2014 08:07 AM

(05-02-2014 08:06 AM)Illuzion Wrote:  
(05-02-2014 08:05 AM)Lollipopgirl Wrote:  Is this for school? and if it is what class?
It's for my favourite teacher in Math c:

Ah ok.


Can Someone Review my Poem? - Ky - 05-02-2014 08:08 AM

If you write an emotionally-charged poem that isn't "inappropriate" in someone's eyes, chances are you're not doing it right. This is an excellent piece of free verse; my only complaint is that it isn't longer. It gets my seal of approval.


Can Someone Review my Poem? - LadyKira - 05-02-2014 08:09 AM

For the end you could write I've lost my head to make it rhyme.


RE: Can Someone Review my Poem? - Illuzion - 05-02-2014 08:11 AM

(05-02-2014 08:08 AM)DoA Wrote:  If you write an emotionally-charged poem that isn't "inappropriate" in someone's eyes, chances are you're not doing it right. This is an excellent piece of free verse; my only complaint is that it isn't longer. It gets my seal of approval.
Ha ha, if you haven't guess (which you obviously have) it's a joke and I'm writing a poem write now for the memory box about personal things.


Can Someone Review my Poem? - Ky - 05-02-2014 08:20 AM

I know it's a joke, but if it were serious it wouldn't be that bad.


Can Someone Review my Poem? - DeadorAlive - 05-04-2014 01:07 PM

This is one of the few poems I actually like.


RE: Can Someone Review my Poem? - ThorodonSorrow - 05-05-2014 04:23 PM

^ Same.

If this is one of those poems that you dramatically act out, you should totally post it on YouTube and let us see! (Even if you just make it so only people who click on the link can see it.)