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So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Printable Version

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So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Routine - 04-24-2012 10:24 PM

Hi guys. I've found SS back in middle school, now I'm nearly at the end of my second year of high school. I'm not expecting any solution to my problems to be brought up, but hey, ranting will make me feel a little better, if only temporarily.

So yep, I first started skipping classes back in middle school (before that I would go every single day like a clockwork and I would even THINK of missing class). But this year my parents finally found out about it (a grand total of almost a month skipped during the first semester? yeaaaah), which landed me at a psychologist and then at an appointment with a psychiatrist. So I've been diagnosed with depression and put on ADs.

I have a year left until I graduate, but as much as I tried to just grit my teeth and get through it, I can't. Everyone thinks I have it in me to endure a year more of school, but I. Don't. I have no willpower, I'm lazy, I'm weak, yeah, I know. Why did I bold that? Because that's the only advice other people can give me. One I can't even put to use. Thing is, I live in Poland where we don't have GEDs, online schools are only for legal adults (and since I was born in December, I'm not one yet) and homeschooling isn't an option. So I'm basically stuck at school no matter what. At the same time, I'd really like to go to university, not even exactly for the usual reasons, but more because for me it's a ticket to travel to my dream country.

I'm a sad, pathetic person. If not even my dreams will motivate me, then what will? I'm sick of being myself, really. Sure, there are fun times in life, but most of it is a drudgery. And if I don't have the energy to change it, then I might as well not live at all.

My anger at school is probably unjustified, yes. Yes, as my psychologist said it, it's me who's making it hard by maintaining this view of school. I keep getting told that high school is the best time of your life and that it only gets worse afterwards. So if I already can't stand it, then I have little hope that I'll be able to live in the society.

Kudos to anyone who went through this entire pity-party. I'd like at least my parents to support me a little, but obviously they don't. I mean, sure, it could've been worse. But I'm still afraid. I don't care if they ground me, take away the computer or other stuff, I'm just scared of what they might say to me, since I didn't go to school again today.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Absnt - 04-25-2012 01:26 AM

Welp, life goes on. No matter what happens, you'll still wake up in the morning. Don't give up hope on life just because school is a shithole. I've heard it gets better on the outside.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Faroven - 04-25-2012 03:16 AM

Keep going. Try and focus on something you look forward to. Keep it in your head. Remember, we got your back.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Dirtbikemike - 04-25-2012 04:51 AM

It gets worse? Suck my cock Mr. Psychiatrist


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - The Shadowman - 04-25-2012 05:52 AM

(04-24-2012 10:24 PM)Routine Wrote:  Hi guys. I've found SS back in middle school, now I'm nearly at the end of my second year of high school. I'm not expecting any solution to my problems to be brought up, but hey, ranting will make me feel a little better, if only temporarily.

So yep, I first started skipping classes back in middle school (before that I would go every single day like a clockwork and I would even THINK of missing class). But this year my parents finally found out about it (a grand total of almost a month skipped during the first semester? yeaaaah), which landed me at a psychologist and then at an appointment with a psychiatrist. So I've been diagnosed with depression and put on ADs.

I have a year left until I graduate, but as much as I tried to just grit my teeth and get through it, I can't. Everyone thinks I have it in me to endure a year more of school, but I. Don't. I have no willpower, I'm lazy, I'm weak, yeah, I know. Why did I bold that? Because that's the only advice other people can give me. One I can't even put to use. Thing is, I live in Poland where we don't have GEDs, online schools are only for legal adults (and since I was born in December, I'm not one yet) and homeschooling isn't an option. So I'm basically stuck at school no matter what. At the same time, I'd really like to go to university, not even exactly for the usual reasons, but more because for me it's a ticket to travel to my dream country.

I'm a sad, pathetic person. If not even my dreams will motivate me, then what will? I'm sick of being myself, really. Sure, there are fun times in life, but most of it is a drudgery. And if I don't have the energy to change it, then I might as well not live at all.

My anger at school is probably unjustified, yes. Yes, as my psychologist said it, it's me who's making it hard by maintaining this view of school. I keep getting told that high school is the best time of your life and that it only gets worse afterwards. So if I already can't stand it, then I have little hope that I'll be able to live in the society.

Kudos to anyone who went through this entire pity-party. I'd like at least my parents to support me a little, but obviously they don't. I mean, sure, it could've been worse. But I'm still afraid. I don't care if they ground me, take away the computer or other stuff, I'm just scared of what they might say to me, since I didn't go to school again today.
Dzjiendobry. I am half Polish myself, so I know a bit of Polish. You know what, fuck that psychiatrist. He obviously doesn't know that it can only get better after high school. Anyway, just keep soldiering on. It's only one year, and after that you'll be free at last. Just keep that thought in your head, and the year will seem to pass by more quickly.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Routine - 04-26-2012 01:24 AM

Wow, you have no idea how much better the "keep going" advice gets, when it's delivered without the subtext of "and start getting better grades while you're at it, because the ones you get now make you inadequate."

But as for the psychiatrist telling me it only gets worse after school, well, she didn't actually say that, it's more like 90% of the people around me voicing this opinion, including my parents.

Right now I'm trying to get advanced English classes. The funny thing about that is that instead of having MORE English, I'll actually have way, way less. Only 1 period a week instead of 6. I think that if the teachers agree to that it'll make school at least a bit more bearable - English classes are a real bore. We learn it as a foreign language, of course, and I pretty much speak it fluently anyway... Well, wish me luck.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - The Shadowman - 04-26-2012 01:54 AM

(04-26-2012 01:24 AM)Routine Wrote:  Wow, you have no idea how much better the "keep going" advice gets, when it's delivered without the subtext of "and start getting better grades while you're at it, because the ones you get now make you inadequate."

But as for the psychiatrist telling me it only gets worse after school, well, she didn't actually say that, it's more like 90% of the people around me voicing this opinion, including my parents.

Right now I'm trying to get advanced English classes. The funny thing about that is that instead of having MORE English, I'll actually have way, way less. Only 1 period a week instead of 6. I think that if the teachers agree to that it'll make school at least a bit more bearable - English classes are a real bore. We learn it as a foreign language, of course, and I pretty much speak it fluently anyway... Well, wish me luck.
Good luck!


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Absnt - 04-30-2012 01:43 PM

And fuck the people who think it gets worse. They're the people who actually had fun in school, not people like us.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - aCol - 05-03-2012 03:13 AM

I've got one month to go. It's a fucking trip through hell at the moment. I've got a few tests now, then in a month the graduation tests. Really hard as fuck stuff. The first time I really play with the thought of studying on substances.

I hope you can go through your one year better than me. You have every reason to hate school, and when you hate it, without knowing why, something is wrong. Not with you. With the school. Just put some thought threw it.
What motivates you? You've got to find that yourself. School will not necessarily help you with that.
My friend draws for fun in lessons, and his drawings are getting better every boring lesson. I've asked him to design me a cigarette pack, and he did. It's good.
Two others love cars / motocycles. They work on them hard. They both know, like I, how to use a soldering iron. It's nothing you learn in school. I like alcohol (making it, and drinking), and making tobacco, so I do. Just find what you like, it helps to endure that shitty place. When you can think about it while boring lessons, it keeps your sanity.

I had the problem with my parents too. Lucky me, they came to reason. Problem is, here in germany, they have to ensure that you got to school...I had the police stand before my door once, I don't want it twice. God knows what I'd do with them.

Antidepressants, I don't know if they will work. Might just be "cure the Symptoms". I'm no doctor however, so I can't really tell. However, don't try the same as I did, and just drink your problems away, they'll be back the next day, possibly with a massive hangover.

We'll see if you'll endure it.


RE: So I have one year left to go and I'm not sure if I'll make it - Routine - 05-21-2012 12:45 AM

Jus' a heads up - the headmaster allowed me to take advanced English classes starting next year (well, it's less "advanced class" and more "individual curriculum", aka I will be "working" with the teacher alone). But hell, those teachers must really like me, because my grades are, to say the least, crap. But yes, 1 period of English a week as opposed to six? F yes.

One month till summer holidays, my grades will probably allow me to pass, exams next year. Fun, fun. At least, I can't wait to get into a university. aCol, you're saying to find something that motivates me, well I've already found it. I love learning languages and I love Japan, so I'm currently learning Japanese. Funnily, that's something I can do at school as well, but I usually pay the minimal amount of attention so I'll keep my grades at the passing level.

The huge plus of my school is open wifi. I take my iPod Touch with me to class and just browse the web to my heart's content. But alas, that gets boring too.